Have I heard this line, "whatever your decision, will support you." before? I think I have... in movies and TV shows. Hahaha... was having a rather hard time with my parents last night...
Once more I had conflicting thoughts, more of angel and devil battles.. I wanted to stay out but I was worried about what they would feel... maybe I shouldn't have bothered. And there I was thinking and thinking, and the one person who stood by me was Darling. And he said that line more than once to me that night and for once in a long long time, I felt safe. When I hugged him it felt so comfortable, like all the emotional blackmail and everything bad would just go away as long as I was in his arms... And I really haven't felt that way in a long time... Love my darling... I really do... Don't know what I'd do if I didn't have him here for me... <3
Friday, 31 December 2010
Thursday, 30 December 2010
A degenerate
Yupp that's what my folks called me... reason being that my grades started to go down after primary 6... LOL so it didn't matter to them that I was a top fencer in my school, didn't matter that their daughter could have gone into national team (a chance they took away from me), didn't matter I did not take drugs or smoke or join a gang or had multiple abortions or went emo and cut myself repeatedly, it didn't matter that my O lvls weren't that bad thatI could have gone to CJC but I decided to stay in SRJC, and though my H2 subjects sucked it didn't matter that I topped my cohort for GP and aced my Lit paper.
ALL IN ALL This whole period of time I've been degenerating into what they see as a failure. Riiiiiiiiiight... the failure who used to scream at them when she quarrelled with them when she was younger to a failure who talked sense and refrained from antagonistic words... wait... wasn't that an improvement in character?? Not to them, it wasn't!! Kinda feel they have degenerated... last time they talked sense and reasoned with me but now they scream at me, threaten to physically assault me, physically assault me, and play on three main themes; I am unfillial, rude and always blame them for everything. When I reason with them and they have nothing to counter they will use one of the themes... Degenerative is it not? When for every action I come up with a reason they cannot dispute, they use 'em... naisely done...
When I was in secondary school, I was so hurt that I did think of running away.. I didn't have anybody to turn to and they knew it... I had no choice. They still think the same today... I will work and pay my way to rent a room if I had to!! I know darling says he'll be there for me but at the end of the day he wouldn't want me to run away from home... Honestly, many people might be thinking "Mel this is what ignorant teens do" and my reply is "Exactly, it's what I didn't do but should have done." What I didn't do wasn't appreciated at all anyway. And me running away is not to spite my parents... it's to literally GET AWAY FROM THEM.
I stayed out last night because the thought, even the mere THOUGHT of opening the door into this house makes me feel so uncomfortable so sad so distraught... I am NOT exaggerating... my room is fine... it's my sanctuary. But the idea of returning to this HOUSE. It irks me... I want to get away from the woman who scolds her maids daily for very minute things and who now transfers all her displeasures to me now that we do not have a maid. Why was it I was good friends with my maids was because I know how they felt to be scolded everyday... and now I am baring the brunt of the scoldings... It's an emotional nightmare. One may say she just scold you because you never take out the trash. But imagine these little things are rattled at you throughout the day and you take and take and when you finally explode, all hell breaks lose because she says you show her attitude and was rude to her -.-
When the father comes out, you don't even have to bother to talk. Nothing can get through his thick skull because everything he thinks is apparently the only right thing in this world. He has always been like this even in business... He thinks he knows everything and discounts everything you say to him no matter how logical. This year itself, his insult vocabulary has greatly increase and I have been the tester of his "amazing vocabulary"... wow... I love muay thai for it teaches me how to block in case some nincompoop like him decides to throw a punch at me. I won't beat my parents, but everyone has a trigger point. The day that they tell me to get out of the house or the day that they hit me will be the day I leave this hell hole...
Make your move...
ALL IN ALL This whole period of time I've been degenerating into what they see as a failure. Riiiiiiiiiight... the failure who used to scream at them when she quarrelled with them when she was younger to a failure who talked sense and refrained from antagonistic words... wait... wasn't that an improvement in character?? Not to them, it wasn't!! Kinda feel they have degenerated... last time they talked sense and reasoned with me but now they scream at me, threaten to physically assault me, physically assault me, and play on three main themes; I am unfillial, rude and always blame them for everything. When I reason with them and they have nothing to counter they will use one of the themes... Degenerative is it not? When for every action I come up with a reason they cannot dispute, they use 'em... naisely done...
When I was in secondary school, I was so hurt that I did think of running away.. I didn't have anybody to turn to and they knew it... I had no choice. They still think the same today... I will work and pay my way to rent a room if I had to!! I know darling says he'll be there for me but at the end of the day he wouldn't want me to run away from home... Honestly, many people might be thinking "Mel this is what ignorant teens do" and my reply is "Exactly, it's what I didn't do but should have done." What I didn't do wasn't appreciated at all anyway. And me running away is not to spite my parents... it's to literally GET AWAY FROM THEM.
I stayed out last night because the thought, even the mere THOUGHT of opening the door into this house makes me feel so uncomfortable so sad so distraught... I am NOT exaggerating... my room is fine... it's my sanctuary. But the idea of returning to this HOUSE. It irks me... I want to get away from the woman who scolds her maids daily for very minute things and who now transfers all her displeasures to me now that we do not have a maid. Why was it I was good friends with my maids was because I know how they felt to be scolded everyday... and now I am baring the brunt of the scoldings... It's an emotional nightmare. One may say she just scold you because you never take out the trash. But imagine these little things are rattled at you throughout the day and you take and take and when you finally explode, all hell breaks lose because she says you show her attitude and was rude to her -.-
When the father comes out, you don't even have to bother to talk. Nothing can get through his thick skull because everything he thinks is apparently the only right thing in this world. He has always been like this even in business... He thinks he knows everything and discounts everything you say to him no matter how logical. This year itself, his insult vocabulary has greatly increase and I have been the tester of his "amazing vocabulary"... wow... I love muay thai for it teaches me how to block in case some nincompoop like him decides to throw a punch at me. I won't beat my parents, but everyone has a trigger point. The day that they tell me to get out of the house or the day that they hit me will be the day I leave this hell hole...
Make your move...
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Pierced my tongue today~
OMG went to pierce my tongue today!!! Finalleh!!! Walked with Edwin to Far East after movie to check out the prices. Went to the Exotic Tattoo shop and they had the best price I guess $55 and I was thinking and thinking whether I should spend so we walked about abit and finally I settled on borrowing $10 from him. Then we found out that the piercer got into accident and wasn't in -.-... But I already had my mind set on it!!!! So we went to Heeren to check out the Tattoo parlour there. They charged $45 for piercing and $25 for the stud... EX!! But heyy... we were there already so.... Ed paid for me first, given I was short of cash (gotta pay him back ASAP LOL)... Signed the indemnity form and waited while the dude help me to get a drink. OMG when we went in to pierce.... hahaha though I watched videos of piercing I was still like listening attentively to the piercer. She let me gurgle something for 30secs and then told me it was normal for me to drool and all that LOL... Then she made a marking on my tongue, clamped my tongue and pierced. Felt like she was forcing the thing in and contrary to what some people tell me, I HURT. Not over the top, die-able pain but it hurt lor!!! Some people say they felt nothing... their tongue must have been dead -.- hahahah but other than that it was fine. When she screwed the ball on it did hurt too but it was fine. After that I couldn't talk much hahahaha.... I just have to bite on ice for now.... just had "dinner" with mom in front of me for a bit... had to pretend to eat so I took a bit of veggie and put in into my mouth to chew... and POW!!! it HURT!!! hahahaha pretend to chew a bit more then went into my room and spit it out into tissue hahahaha after that I hung about the table a bit and ignored the salmon but drank some of the gravy of the veggie hahahaha am now drinking iced water and eating ice... woots going to be slim for new year hahahaha.... hope it heals soon!! heehee =))
Monday, 27 December 2010
Boxing Day
Met Kim and Jo today for lunch and then they had to leave. As Timo and his friends were around that area and I had time to kill given I was supposed to meet the Muay Thai peeps or OG5 peeps at 5pm at Novena, I chilled with them and had dessert LOL... Bought some gift from Daiso as well for Elsie's gift exchange at her party. Some cup with two dieties on it hahaha so very JAP!!
I had fun with the OG5 peeps. This is like the first time I went out with them!! LAst few times I bailed because I had stuff to do. Went to Elsie's with Kasim after that.... bugger had to go home and change because he felt too underdressed -.- LOL
Darling was very sweet today. I mentioned that I was running low on cash and he asked if I needed a lift and to call him if I did. In the end I didn't have to call him because he came down to fetch me from Elsie's anyways. =)) The sweet boy~! Appreciate it more than I can say plus the Green Tea before I went up. Heehee I really needed that!!! Thankies darling~!
Home very early today. Time to set my clock back to student mode. I didn't need berating to do so anyways but hey whatever makes the two people in the house happy then -.-
Exams are coming and there are 3 papers in 2 days but over all I think this year should be good. Going to study. Not for them. But for myself.
I had fun with the OG5 peeps. This is like the first time I went out with them!! LAst few times I bailed because I had stuff to do. Went to Elsie's with Kasim after that.... bugger had to go home and change because he felt too underdressed -.- LOL
Darling was very sweet today. I mentioned that I was running low on cash and he asked if I needed a lift and to call him if I did. In the end I didn't have to call him because he came down to fetch me from Elsie's anyways. =)) The sweet boy~! Appreciate it more than I can say plus the Green Tea before I went up. Heehee I really needed that!!! Thankies darling~!
Home very early today. Time to set my clock back to student mode. I didn't need berating to do so anyways but hey whatever makes the two people in the house happy then -.-
Exams are coming and there are 3 papers in 2 days but over all I think this year should be good. Going to study. Not for them. But for myself.
Christmas
Ever done prawning for Christmas?? It was definitely a first for me~! This is so queer!! hahaa I almost had a replay of the hook attack when I tugged at the string too hard and it wooooshed upwards. Hmmm according to Darling each prawn that night costed $3 haha.... but it was my xmas pressie from the guys; so sweet right? haha.... it was good fun it was good fun!!
Was supposedly out with Stanley gor haha... and yes I got a good scolding when I got back (what's new) along with the worst verbal abuse ever (they seem to be breaking records now) and criminal intimidation and personal blackmail etc (seriously what's new) and lots of tears from me leading to today's puffy eyes but hell all in all things were good. This was, as what a lot of my friends noticed the most un-christmasy-christmas ever. It just felt like any old holiday period haha.... but ah wells... Bought my parents gifts nonetheless- and Aibi weight shaker and Pierre Cardin belt but think they might have just chucked it aside without even looking at it. Doesn't matter to me though right now the only thing is I wish I hadn't wasted a cent on them because now I only have $90 to my name and less. Can't go out even if I wished to hahaha... but still got some outings next week so I'll see how. Maybe with all the eating during the holidays I can cut down on the food I eat so that I can last with the $90 =))
Was supposedly out with Stanley gor haha... and yes I got a good scolding when I got back (what's new) along with the worst verbal abuse ever (they seem to be breaking records now) and criminal intimidation and personal blackmail etc (seriously what's new) and lots of tears from me leading to today's puffy eyes but hell all in all things were good. This was, as what a lot of my friends noticed the most un-christmasy-christmas ever. It just felt like any old holiday period haha.... but ah wells... Bought my parents gifts nonetheless- and Aibi weight shaker and Pierre Cardin belt but think they might have just chucked it aside without even looking at it. Doesn't matter to me though right now the only thing is I wish I hadn't wasted a cent on them because now I only have $90 to my name and less. Can't go out even if I wished to hahaha... but still got some outings next week so I'll see how. Maybe with all the eating during the holidays I can cut down on the food I eat so that I can last with the $90 =))
Saturday, 25 December 2010
Christmas Eve
Just got back from EZ50 with darling and his friends =))Haha... second time in a Cheena pub haha and the singers there are POWER!!! hahaha serious!! Had some nice beer (Heiniken) and peanuts~! Ok it wasn't the typical lovey dovey couple date new couples have on xmas eve but heyy I was with darling and I had fun!!! =)) And I love my darling v v V MUCH!!! MUACKS!!!
Darling was nice to come to pick me up and joined the girls and I at Nasrin for Shisha!!! The place has freaking BAD SERVICE!!! Arabs.... Anyways... Was out with the girls for dinner and gift exchange... I bought a mug which went to Jess and I got Ying's Reese Bowl hahahaha we had Tian Tian Huo Guo which I think gave Ying, Cadeo and Jonas tummyaches >.< The rest of us were fine and I guess it's the SRJC power!!! LOL okies random!!! It was fun haha!! Went to Mu-ee to get pressies for darling's friends =)) LIGHTERS!!! hahahaa... spent about $50 plus but heyy they are my darling's v close friends!!! =)) and of course they are peeps I enjoy hanging with so what's wrong with that?? haha...
Think darling likes his G-star Raw berms teehee~! Got them for him a few days back lol!! Ok I know it wasn't gift wrap and all but heyy its a Christmas gift nonetheless!!! Darling's gift to me was the CA Sweater I am so in love with!! Stayed at darling's place Wed night to Thursday evening and I missed training.... wth right??? Mel missing a training is like the heavens falling down to earth hahahaha.... Anyways, it was worth it because time was spent with darling.
Today when I left home parents were out of the house so I didn't get to say bye... have been having cold war with them... kinda forcing them to learn to let go and give me the space... my friends were right... in fact many different friends have been telling me this since my Sec/ JC days... Everytime my parents scold me I give in to them... thus they keep scolding me thinking it will keep me under lock and key... but.... it's not the way to go.... this week itself I've been out and staying over and out late practically everyday... today Dad called me when I was on the MRT and was pissed that I didn't report to them about me leaving... he screamed so loudly over the phone that I couldn't make out what he was saying but stuff I caught were "Do you pay rent for your room.... even adults tell when they leave the office out of courtesy... wu gui wang ba dan... go to hell..." Yupp he said all of that... and I just listened... Well it's not like I ignored them... they were out when I left home and throughout the whole day we were ignoring each other anyways so what was I supposed to do?? Furthermore they had plans for the two of them since a few weeks back for xmas eve and I wasn't included so... huh??? Hmmmm
But when I got home... I saw a Brau Buffel wallet on my bed... and I feel so guilty... Though I know this is the only way to get my freedom... Trust me I've tried everything a good girl could try.... this is the only way I haven't gone because I never dared to be bad... So... I'm not going to stop but that doesn't mean I will let it affect my studies. I know when to stop. But back to the point... I AM MAKING BREAKFAST FOR THEM TMW... scrambled eggs and french toast... =))
Darling was nice to come to pick me up and joined the girls and I at Nasrin for Shisha!!! The place has freaking BAD SERVICE!!! Arabs.... Anyways... Was out with the girls for dinner and gift exchange... I bought a mug which went to Jess and I got Ying's Reese Bowl hahahaha we had Tian Tian Huo Guo which I think gave Ying, Cadeo and Jonas tummyaches >.< The rest of us were fine and I guess it's the SRJC power!!! LOL okies random!!! It was fun haha!! Went to Mu-ee to get pressies for darling's friends =)) LIGHTERS!!! hahahaa... spent about $50 plus but heyy they are my darling's v close friends!!! =)) and of course they are peeps I enjoy hanging with so what's wrong with that?? haha...
Think darling likes his G-star Raw berms teehee~! Got them for him a few days back lol!! Ok I know it wasn't gift wrap and all but heyy its a Christmas gift nonetheless!!! Darling's gift to me was the CA Sweater I am so in love with!! Stayed at darling's place Wed night to Thursday evening and I missed training.... wth right??? Mel missing a training is like the heavens falling down to earth hahahaha.... Anyways, it was worth it because time was spent with darling.
Today when I left home parents were out of the house so I didn't get to say bye... have been having cold war with them... kinda forcing them to learn to let go and give me the space... my friends were right... in fact many different friends have been telling me this since my Sec/ JC days... Everytime my parents scold me I give in to them... thus they keep scolding me thinking it will keep me under lock and key... but.... it's not the way to go.... this week itself I've been out and staying over and out late practically everyday... today Dad called me when I was on the MRT and was pissed that I didn't report to them about me leaving... he screamed so loudly over the phone that I couldn't make out what he was saying but stuff I caught were "Do you pay rent for your room.... even adults tell when they leave the office out of courtesy... wu gui wang ba dan... go to hell..." Yupp he said all of that... and I just listened... Well it's not like I ignored them... they were out when I left home and throughout the whole day we were ignoring each other anyways so what was I supposed to do?? Furthermore they had plans for the two of them since a few weeks back for xmas eve and I wasn't included so... huh??? Hmmmm
But when I got home... I saw a Brau Buffel wallet on my bed... and I feel so guilty... Though I know this is the only way to get my freedom... Trust me I've tried everything a good girl could try.... this is the only way I haven't gone because I never dared to be bad... So... I'm not going to stop but that doesn't mean I will let it affect my studies. I know when to stop. But back to the point... I AM MAKING BREAKFAST FOR THEM TMW... scrambled eggs and french toast... =))
Friday, 17 December 2010
Weird and the Way I Love
It's so weird how so many people are asking me where my boyfriend is. Alright this is not the weird bit. The weird bit is people like Louis, who's not THAT close to me saying that my boyfriend always happens to be in Malaysia... Alright...
Today I was asking around to see who would want to go out because I was so uber bored. The thing is for everyone who I asked they will ask me where my boyfriend is and all I could say was that he was away in Malaysia... Awkward yes... but ah wells. Then Louis and I were planning a Muay Thai movie thingy with the rest and the turn out doesn't sem good so I asked him if he would rather watch it with his girlfriend instead and he asked about my boyfriend. And when I told him my boyfriend was in Malaysia he mentioned that it seems like my boyfriend is always in Malaysia LOL... ah wells... it does seem that way doesn't it? Guess my guy is a friends person; hangs out with friends a hell lot. People who may not understand him may think they are gay from the frequency he sees particular guys everynight LOL...
Ah wells. Have friends who are currently asking me if I'm alright or not and when I ask them why and what do they mean by that they say that I am the girlfriend but...
Hmmm... yeah... that's true... I know to a lot of outsiders it doesn't seem like he treats me like a girlfriend given that we don't meet up as often as fresh couples like Merv&Andrea and PJ&Jonas and all coupled with the fact that he seems to be with friends or going to Malaysia all the time. Hmmmm what can I tell them? "Eh shut the fuck up la and stop putting doubts into my mind!!"? I guess what's holding me up from this barrage of negativity now is that I trust him bah... all I can do is believe I didn't put my faith in the wrong place... =))
Then again... why do I care so much? I guess I do love him bah that's why I do care about how people see us but it's more important to me to know that he cares for me? He asked me what I was lacking today =)) so sweet right? =)) The SMS came as a huge suprise as I didn't expect him to SMS me at all... Turns out he may have to stay a little longer there ah wells... after the first time when he went Genting with friends, I guess I forced myself to accept things as they are le. Since he's so impromptu let him go lor. What can I do? Tie him up meh? Make him think I don't like him to suddenly just up and go? Will that stop him? Nah...
Why do I always give my 100% and put my eggs into one basket each time I fall in love? I guess it's just my way of living. I believe that in every relationship I will give all I have to give so I know I have not shortchanged myself or the other party. Of course I learn from my mistakes but I never fear to give all my love and devotion to my other half. I guess somewhere I have this mother hen who is ready to lay eggs and fill up my basket if I ever do break the eggs in it. But I can't expect everyone to be like that right? Some people just don't dare to love wholeheartedly once they have been bitten. Hope I can show him I'm worth it with time but then again won't keep my hopes up... will just accept him for who he is bah =)) If and when he does see then it's a bonus bah =)) For me this is how I love, I give until there is no more to give because to me that person is worth everything I can give.
Today I was asking around to see who would want to go out because I was so uber bored. The thing is for everyone who I asked they will ask me where my boyfriend is and all I could say was that he was away in Malaysia... Awkward yes... but ah wells. Then Louis and I were planning a Muay Thai movie thingy with the rest and the turn out doesn't sem good so I asked him if he would rather watch it with his girlfriend instead and he asked about my boyfriend. And when I told him my boyfriend was in Malaysia he mentioned that it seems like my boyfriend is always in Malaysia LOL... ah wells... it does seem that way doesn't it? Guess my guy is a friends person; hangs out with friends a hell lot. People who may not understand him may think they are gay from the frequency he sees particular guys everynight LOL...
Ah wells. Have friends who are currently asking me if I'm alright or not and when I ask them why and what do they mean by that they say that I am the girlfriend but...
Hmmm... yeah... that's true... I know to a lot of outsiders it doesn't seem like he treats me like a girlfriend given that we don't meet up as often as fresh couples like Merv&Andrea and PJ&Jonas and all coupled with the fact that he seems to be with friends or going to Malaysia all the time. Hmmmm what can I tell them? "Eh shut the fuck up la and stop putting doubts into my mind!!"? I guess what's holding me up from this barrage of negativity now is that I trust him bah... all I can do is believe I didn't put my faith in the wrong place... =))
Then again... why do I care so much? I guess I do love him bah that's why I do care about how people see us but it's more important to me to know that he cares for me? He asked me what I was lacking today =)) so sweet right? =)) The SMS came as a huge suprise as I didn't expect him to SMS me at all... Turns out he may have to stay a little longer there ah wells... after the first time when he went Genting with friends, I guess I forced myself to accept things as they are le. Since he's so impromptu let him go lor. What can I do? Tie him up meh? Make him think I don't like him to suddenly just up and go? Will that stop him? Nah...
Why do I always give my 100% and put my eggs into one basket each time I fall in love? I guess it's just my way of living. I believe that in every relationship I will give all I have to give so I know I have not shortchanged myself or the other party. Of course I learn from my mistakes but I never fear to give all my love and devotion to my other half. I guess somewhere I have this mother hen who is ready to lay eggs and fill up my basket if I ever do break the eggs in it. But I can't expect everyone to be like that right? Some people just don't dare to love wholeheartedly once they have been bitten. Hope I can show him I'm worth it with time but then again won't keep my hopes up... will just accept him for who he is bah =)) If and when he does see then it's a bonus bah =)) For me this is how I love, I give until there is no more to give because to me that person is worth everything I can give.
Cigarettes, Pals and a further understanding to Love
Bought a pack and shared with Yongxin like... two days back hmmm... Tuesday? Only finished it today though. What a bother... how can anyone smoke one pack a day?? LOL Hmmm... all you feel is light headedness...
On Tuesday went to Katong Shopping Centre with Yuxin, Yongxin and Mon. LOL Mon can SING!!! haha... and my two darling cousins went a lil' bit crazy singing their songs and all... heehee sorry to Mon for putting him through that. After that Mon sent us to East Coasr Beach but we stopped at ESSO and I bought the Viceroy and 3 Anchor beers. My cousins and I proceeded to chill and chat by the beach after that. LOL we each spilled our cans one by one hahaa... And yes Mel overcame her fear of lighters HURRAY!!! LOL Actually I'd wanted to see Darling and all and asked if he would pick me up and all but he was at IRC so he didn't want to so I was emo for a bit but my cousins were so fun to hang out with that I asked my folks if I could stay over with them and I got their consent. When I told Darling, well, he did come down after his game to send my cousins back and I went to his place to stay. The scam worked and my cousins and I are safe from our folks yippeees!!
Bought like a toothbrush to leave at Darling's place and all... We had a long chat after that before bed... fitting given that we sorta had a minute quarrel over sms -.- before that and all... Fact was that he'd gone to meet Derick and Roy or something. They see each other everyday so I teasingly said he was dating Derick and he thought I was angry and so it started and all... well... ya he said to let him enjoy his holidays and so I was like go lor... what else can I say... Guys' holidays revolve around friends LOL... So we settled that and he said that he didn't wanna quarrel which was sweet of him but I paused to ponder when he said that if there's anything I didn't like I should tell him because... well I don't want another episode of him thinking I want to end anything.... so how to tell??
Well we did talk things out later in the night and all... him saying that he wants to hang out with friends now and all and we'll see each other more when he starts school anyways so... ya... but if I wanna meet more then we'll meet like twice a week or something... I did tell him that everytime when I ask my friends out they ask why am I not going with my bf and I couldn't find a proper way to explain to them LOL.... ah wells...
Did talk what he did with his ex and all and found that he didn't want to meet daily cos he regretted doing so with his ex and making her dependent on him... High-five to that man... that's what happened with me too what... I'm not asking to meet him everyday... but it would be nice if like from school he going IMM or what just drop by awhile?? But then again he might not have wanted to and my mom would have seen anyways. Ah bother! He was asking what could he do to make me feel like he is serious about us... I feel he is... or more likely I believe he is... It's kinda difficult for me given I tend to think a little too much but then I am trying... I am changing my mindset for him even if he doesn't see it because I LOVE HIM!
The last time he went Genting SUDDENLY with Derick I found it rather... bad... But I did let him anyways right? Now he suddenly, again, says he's going Malaysia for helping out in race and he was going tonight and returning Sunday... and I'm like... ok.... here we go again... So I'll just say a happy goodbye then...what else can I do... refuse to be unhappy though I was for a bit and got my friends to hold the pads so I could do extra shin kicks... But I change my mindset... I believe him and all... yupp can't go holiday with him... hope he enjoys himself there... =))
He wants a Ms Independent? He's got it =)) we virgos change for our partners, well our essence doesn't but our tolerence level is quite high... so there!! I ain't giving up... I hope he doesn't too. And I hope he appreciates it... I told him if he feels the spark ebbing like in his past r/s he should tell... and yes it will hurt and he did stay with her because she touched him... but I really hope... if it happens to us... that he will want to at least try together with me to spark our r/s up again...
I know of a lot of couples who have their sparks extinguish a month or so but they fail to see that its not the spark is gone it's the honeymoon period is over and they are comfortable with each other that's all. A lot of couples can't last over the honeymoon period because they fail to realise in a relationship it's not rosy forever and that the fast and furious love during honeymoon periods do fade and it's when it fades that the relationship really starts because thats how a relationship sails. It may be the case for his ex but he didn't know it and when the impression that the relationship is over, because the honeymoon sparks were gone, came into his mind he just let go and didn't see the possibility of resparking? Hmmm... he has got to understand that part la... How though I don't know... hmmm...
But then again I have faith in this guy. He doesn't want to repeat the mistakes he made in the past and neither do I. So I think we will do this together and explore this road together. I hope he gives me a chance and holds on because I can =)) I believe he's grown up enough to know what love and sparks are... and that sometimes they can be two very different things. Sparks may not be love and love may sometimes lose the sparks but as long as the two people still believe and dare to try, when there is love, sparks can always return =))
Love the boy. Not the crazy-in-love, lovey dovey, fast and furious, sparks frenzy, infatuated type of love that honeymooners go through but more of the I want to know him, I am willing to accomodate him and I want to learn and grow with him type of love. Hope he feels the same way~
On Tuesday went to Katong Shopping Centre with Yuxin, Yongxin and Mon. LOL Mon can SING!!! haha... and my two darling cousins went a lil' bit crazy singing their songs and all... heehee sorry to Mon for putting him through that. After that Mon sent us to East Coasr Beach but we stopped at ESSO and I bought the Viceroy and 3 Anchor beers. My cousins and I proceeded to chill and chat by the beach after that. LOL we each spilled our cans one by one hahaa... And yes Mel overcame her fear of lighters HURRAY!!! LOL Actually I'd wanted to see Darling and all and asked if he would pick me up and all but he was at IRC so he didn't want to so I was emo for a bit but my cousins were so fun to hang out with that I asked my folks if I could stay over with them and I got their consent. When I told Darling, well, he did come down after his game to send my cousins back and I went to his place to stay. The scam worked and my cousins and I are safe from our folks yippeees!!
Bought like a toothbrush to leave at Darling's place and all... We had a long chat after that before bed... fitting given that we sorta had a minute quarrel over sms -.- before that and all... Fact was that he'd gone to meet Derick and Roy or something. They see each other everyday so I teasingly said he was dating Derick and he thought I was angry and so it started and all... well... ya he said to let him enjoy his holidays and so I was like go lor... what else can I say... Guys' holidays revolve around friends LOL... So we settled that and he said that he didn't wanna quarrel which was sweet of him but I paused to ponder when he said that if there's anything I didn't like I should tell him because... well I don't want another episode of him thinking I want to end anything.... so how to tell??
Well we did talk things out later in the night and all... him saying that he wants to hang out with friends now and all and we'll see each other more when he starts school anyways so... ya... but if I wanna meet more then we'll meet like twice a week or something... I did tell him that everytime when I ask my friends out they ask why am I not going with my bf and I couldn't find a proper way to explain to them LOL.... ah wells...
Did talk what he did with his ex and all and found that he didn't want to meet daily cos he regretted doing so with his ex and making her dependent on him... High-five to that man... that's what happened with me too what... I'm not asking to meet him everyday... but it would be nice if like from school he going IMM or what just drop by awhile?? But then again he might not have wanted to and my mom would have seen anyways. Ah bother! He was asking what could he do to make me feel like he is serious about us... I feel he is... or more likely I believe he is... It's kinda difficult for me given I tend to think a little too much but then I am trying... I am changing my mindset for him even if he doesn't see it because I LOVE HIM!
The last time he went Genting SUDDENLY with Derick I found it rather... bad... But I did let him anyways right? Now he suddenly, again, says he's going Malaysia for helping out in race and he was going tonight and returning Sunday... and I'm like... ok.... here we go again... So I'll just say a happy goodbye then...what else can I do... refuse to be unhappy though I was for a bit and got my friends to hold the pads so I could do extra shin kicks... But I change my mindset... I believe him and all... yupp can't go holiday with him... hope he enjoys himself there... =))
He wants a Ms Independent? He's got it =)) we virgos change for our partners, well our essence doesn't but our tolerence level is quite high... so there!! I ain't giving up... I hope he doesn't too. And I hope he appreciates it... I told him if he feels the spark ebbing like in his past r/s he should tell... and yes it will hurt and he did stay with her because she touched him... but I really hope... if it happens to us... that he will want to at least try together with me to spark our r/s up again...
I know of a lot of couples who have their sparks extinguish a month or so but they fail to see that its not the spark is gone it's the honeymoon period is over and they are comfortable with each other that's all. A lot of couples can't last over the honeymoon period because they fail to realise in a relationship it's not rosy forever and that the fast and furious love during honeymoon periods do fade and it's when it fades that the relationship really starts because thats how a relationship sails. It may be the case for his ex but he didn't know it and when the impression that the relationship is over, because the honeymoon sparks were gone, came into his mind he just let go and didn't see the possibility of resparking? Hmmm... he has got to understand that part la... How though I don't know... hmmm...
But then again I have faith in this guy. He doesn't want to repeat the mistakes he made in the past and neither do I. So I think we will do this together and explore this road together. I hope he gives me a chance and holds on because I can =)) I believe he's grown up enough to know what love and sparks are... and that sometimes they can be two very different things. Sparks may not be love and love may sometimes lose the sparks but as long as the two people still believe and dare to try, when there is love, sparks can always return =))
Love the boy. Not the crazy-in-love, lovey dovey, fast and furious, sparks frenzy, infatuated type of love that honeymooners go through but more of the I want to know him, I am willing to accomodate him and I want to learn and grow with him type of love. Hope he feels the same way~
Muay Thai XIX
Today was not a bad day. My right shin kicks are coming nicely though my left still need more work. I have to remind myself to twist when I kick though. Hmmm but my hips ARE being thrown over for my right shin =)) Today we used our handwraps for punching the pads and I think I'm getting the hang of twisting =)) Did some combinations:
- Left Push Kick, jab n punch, shin kick
- Muay boran hook, elbow to knee and back elbow,
- Hook, punch, double knee
- Hook, sweep
- Hook, trip and push
Things are coming along very well =)) can't wait for Sunday training~!
- Left Push Kick, jab n punch, shin kick
- Muay boran hook, elbow to knee and back elbow,
- Hook, punch, double knee
- Hook, sweep
- Hook, trip and push
Things are coming along very well =)) can't wait for Sunday training~!
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Ignorance
Sometimes they enter,
Do they, those words.
And like quickened knives and
Spears and swords
Do they pierce, nick and
Slash at the hearts of the weak
And souls of the wounded.
You pray you never
Touched the tips of the
Spears. Nor feel the slice of
The blades. Yet thrill in
The hurt they give because
Of that momentay power that
You wield.
Such is the double-edged sword
Of knowledge. Inducing the
Hurt and thrill of knowing
When one would prefer not to
Know yet want to know
Due to pure human nature,
Basal and self-destructive.
Do they, those words.
And like quickened knives and
Spears and swords
Do they pierce, nick and
Slash at the hearts of the weak
And souls of the wounded.
You pray you never
Touched the tips of the
Spears. Nor feel the slice of
The blades. Yet thrill in
The hurt they give because
Of that momentay power that
You wield.
Such is the double-edged sword
Of knowledge. Inducing the
Hurt and thrill of knowing
When one would prefer not to
Know yet want to know
Due to pure human nature,
Basal and self-destructive.
Saturday, 11 December 2010
First Month
Enjoyed a nice evening and night with Darling for our first month on wednesday. Originally went to Bishan with Jess and PJ to study. Ended up getting the message in a bottle set and making paper stars and hearts as well as writing messages to put into the bottle~ The girls asked what would I do if he didn't get anything and I think my answer shocked them. Told them I didn't need him to give me anything I'm doin it not because I expect something in return. Suprise LOL... But darling HAS been taking care of me~ Got quite a number of nice things added to my closet from him already =)) Just thought I'd do something a little sentimental for him heehee~
We had dinner at a western stall which his ex boss's friend opens and honestly the chicken there wasn't bad =)) he wanted me to try the steak but ah wells... maybe next time? heehee
We also went to Ice Cream Chefs and we had one Oreo and one Nuttella milkshake =)) His friend also gave us a waffle with chocolate ice cream! Sinful much~ haha Sat there for a bit while darling told his friend about his adventure up to Genting. Heehee... wish I can go with him to Msia or something for Xmas but... hmmm maybe in the end he'll just go with friends? Haha
Met Derick Leon Roy and another friend whose name I cannot remmeber.... hmmm think the initials are MW hmm... Went to Kallang Macs to meet them LOL then went to Liquid Kitchen at Upper Thomson to see a pretty China waitress LOL... They are a fun bunch la! Watch them play MJ on their iPhones while we had beers and teased that friend who had a crush on the waitress heehee
Went down to C. Nai with darling and Derick after he collected his bike. LOL sat there and talked till late. I now understand why they keep going there. Chilling there is a nice feeling. LOL... And yes I was taught how to smoke~ hmmm not hooked I guess if anything I'll just be a social smoker from now on? Heehee...
Went back to sleep at darling's place. I was quite sleepy given that it was waaaaay past my bed time but heyy it was really worth it. I really felt like in that one nights out with darling and his friends, I knew darling a little more~
He also told me that he was joking about me having to pay rent and all if I wanted to move in with him lol.... told me not to take things too seriously. But what to do... serious about him mah~ heehee.... I think the main thing is to trust in darling and know that he would want to do the best for me. Really feel loved by this guy =)) He's amazing~
Really appreciate the care he's giving me. He makes me feel loved. I remember that time I told him I felt neglected; I guess I didn't understand. But now that I do, everything he does makes sense. He's also been messaging me assuring me he loves me. =)) Sometimes I'm scared to start messaging him because I don't want him to feel like I'm sticky. But it's sweet when he does send me stuff and all~
Really happy with the wat things are turning out. It's not the fast and furious type. It's kinda slow and steady? And I really like the way we are now, slowly learning more about each other and that heehee =))
Feel blessed to have him with me. <3
We had dinner at a western stall which his ex boss's friend opens and honestly the chicken there wasn't bad =)) he wanted me to try the steak but ah wells... maybe next time? heehee
We also went to Ice Cream Chefs and we had one Oreo and one Nuttella milkshake =)) His friend also gave us a waffle with chocolate ice cream! Sinful much~ haha Sat there for a bit while darling told his friend about his adventure up to Genting. Heehee... wish I can go with him to Msia or something for Xmas but... hmmm maybe in the end he'll just go with friends? Haha
Met Derick Leon Roy and another friend whose name I cannot remmeber.... hmmm think the initials are MW hmm... Went to Kallang Macs to meet them LOL then went to Liquid Kitchen at Upper Thomson to see a pretty China waitress LOL... They are a fun bunch la! Watch them play MJ on their iPhones while we had beers and teased that friend who had a crush on the waitress heehee
Went down to C. Nai with darling and Derick after he collected his bike. LOL sat there and talked till late. I now understand why they keep going there. Chilling there is a nice feeling. LOL... And yes I was taught how to smoke~ hmmm not hooked I guess if anything I'll just be a social smoker from now on? Heehee...
Went back to sleep at darling's place. I was quite sleepy given that it was waaaaay past my bed time but heyy it was really worth it. I really felt like in that one nights out with darling and his friends, I knew darling a little more~
He also told me that he was joking about me having to pay rent and all if I wanted to move in with him lol.... told me not to take things too seriously. But what to do... serious about him mah~ heehee.... I think the main thing is to trust in darling and know that he would want to do the best for me. Really feel loved by this guy =)) He's amazing~
Really appreciate the care he's giving me. He makes me feel loved. I remember that time I told him I felt neglected; I guess I didn't understand. But now that I do, everything he does makes sense. He's also been messaging me assuring me he loves me. =)) Sometimes I'm scared to start messaging him because I don't want him to feel like I'm sticky. But it's sweet when he does send me stuff and all~
Really happy with the wat things are turning out. It's not the fast and furious type. It's kinda slow and steady? And I really like the way we are now, slowly learning more about each other and that heehee =))
Feel blessed to have him with me. <3
Muay Thai XIX
Thursday Muay Thai training was a bummer... haha.... felt sick after that.... maybe it's cos of the late night the previous night... HHMMMM but I could do shadow shin kicks well but when it came to the actual kicks on the pad... it was different. Things only started to heat up douring the consecutive kicks. But before that my punches had like no power.... gotta look into that...
We did a hell lot of grappling and also learned how to sweep the opponent during a lock. Always attack the knee =))
We did a hell lot of grappling and also learned how to sweep the opponent during a lock. Always attack the knee =))
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
A Tangled Tale
Woots went to watch Rapunzel today~ It is seriously one of the nicest Disney cartoon I've seen so far because I kinda can relate to Rapunzel; how she wants to be free but when she does she is conflicted- her freedom is so important yet she is sad to make her "mother" heartbroken. So at one part of her movie, sometimes she's running around like crazy just being so happy and enjoying herself, then at other parts she's real emo about it all and sits there and sobs. LOL talk about split personality but hey this is what I am going through as I grow up. I really can relate to the inner conflicts she faces.
And seriously the male lead is the most handsome I've seen of all the Disney male leads. Disney did it right this time to ask their female colleagues and workers what traits they find sexy in a man LOL.
All in all it's a great movie!!
Went for an interview today~ Hope I get to work. I'm not really keen on ZoukOut per se in fact I really didn't want to go but the pay is just SO SO SO attractive!! like $10 and hour from 9pm to 6am like WOAH that is AWESOME!!! Like it's almost 1K!!! I really hope I do get through the selection though... Think Elaine and her sister will get in cos they've done work like this before and in the FnB but of wells... if I don't try I'll never know. I really wanna do this then I'll have cash to go holiday with darling if we are going heehee~
Oh and Gong Cha Earl Grey 3JS is awesome though I didn't taste the pudding cos they ran out but the Earl Grey has always been my favourite tea and the pearls were nice nice nice~ heehee $3.60 well spent~
And seriously the male lead is the most handsome I've seen of all the Disney male leads. Disney did it right this time to ask their female colleagues and workers what traits they find sexy in a man LOL.
All in all it's a great movie!!
Went for an interview today~ Hope I get to work. I'm not really keen on ZoukOut per se in fact I really didn't want to go but the pay is just SO SO SO attractive!! like $10 and hour from 9pm to 6am like WOAH that is AWESOME!!! Like it's almost 1K!!! I really hope I do get through the selection though... Think Elaine and her sister will get in cos they've done work like this before and in the FnB but of wells... if I don't try I'll never know. I really wanna do this then I'll have cash to go holiday with darling if we are going heehee~
Oh and Gong Cha Earl Grey 3JS is awesome though I didn't taste the pudding cos they ran out but the Earl Grey has always been my favourite tea and the pearls were nice nice nice~ heehee $3.60 well spent~
Monday, 6 December 2010
Miss Independent
Hmmm I recently realised that all these while I've been doing thing like how I did them in the past because, well, I don't know how else to do stuff LOL That's ALL I've been doing for the past 3 years!!
Everyone is different! I keep telling myself that but the essence wasn't taken in full by myself and now it is. Had a talk with the boy that night. Aww he was so nice to send me home when I called him, the sweet darling~
Well we had a talk which almost ended it for us. The Lord have mercy on us. I didn't mean it this way and I wasn't having second thoughts about the relationship in THAT way I was just confused as to what I was feeling really. God for him to say it seems that I need a guy 24/7 really woke me up. Heck I don't NEED a guy 24/7, that freaks the bejesus out of me!! LOL the fact was I was USED to having a guy 24/7 so forgive me if I act as if I need one 24/7.
He told me it was heartbreaking to hear me say I feel neglected and there is nothing he can do about it. I really didn't mean to break his heart... I just thought I should tell him because though the logical side of me knows what he's about the emotional side of me feel neglected. There you go, the reason why I'm in turmoil is because the emotional side is always conflicting with the logical side of me. But darling was superb in bringing out my logical side =)) I love myself when I'm with him LOL because in a way I feel stronger and not so emotional but more logical and when I am logical I make the right decisions.
Logicality came out when he told me he is this way and he loves me for who I am so shouldn't I love him for who he is? Hell yeah, I do love him for who he is! Really, and I ain't gonna try to change him!! Also, I asked him if he needed a girlfriend right now? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?? Damn girls keep putting ideas into my head!! ARGH I SHAN'T listen to them no more!! And he told me NO he didn't need a girlfriend but he loves me. And that was the sweetest thing he could have said. I think I was drunk... I said I need want and love him. BUT I have to emphasise that I do not NEED a boyfriend... God I'm more independent than that... But then again... I really DO LOVE this boy~ And with him I feel like I can stand on my own two feet again. Gone is the Mel who relies on people in that way LOL
He told me he could send automated texts like he was reporting strength to me and I was taken aback because though I'd like to know what he's doing I find that all these while I've been doing bo liao things ike what he said texting about what I am eating?? LOL that is seriously unnecessary.
Yes he did say he knows of people who meet like once a week... and that we meet quite often... Nah... I don't think so I know of friends who meet every day but then again he is also right to say that given our circumstances it's hard as he hangs out late at night and I can't. Here I'd like to thank my folks for dishing out shit on me so much so thatI CAN and WANT to hang out late now heehee~
I did tell him I wanted him to compare me but then again I don't. What I want is actually for him to tell me what he likes. I won't change myself for him but I can tweak stuff a bit so that I become a better person. In a relationship as the two people grow they tend to do stuff that suit one another and that's just sweet =)) I ain't asking him to change either but in a way he's also doing stuff for me that's sweet too and that I like. Like after the talk he posted a very sweet song for me on my wall =)) and it was reassuring. I like he way he cares~
ALSO... what I said above... I really hope he doesn't see such words as comparing because well it's not about the other guys it's about how I was in the past. And now that I've grown over the years, I think I'm changing to become a Miss Independent slowly =))
This boy rocks my world. Wouldn't want to ask for anything more than that~
Everyone is different! I keep telling myself that but the essence wasn't taken in full by myself and now it is. Had a talk with the boy that night. Aww he was so nice to send me home when I called him, the sweet darling~
Well we had a talk which almost ended it for us. The Lord have mercy on us. I didn't mean it this way and I wasn't having second thoughts about the relationship in THAT way I was just confused as to what I was feeling really. God for him to say it seems that I need a guy 24/7 really woke me up. Heck I don't NEED a guy 24/7, that freaks the bejesus out of me!! LOL the fact was I was USED to having a guy 24/7 so forgive me if I act as if I need one 24/7.
He told me it was heartbreaking to hear me say I feel neglected and there is nothing he can do about it. I really didn't mean to break his heart... I just thought I should tell him because though the logical side of me knows what he's about the emotional side of me feel neglected. There you go, the reason why I'm in turmoil is because the emotional side is always conflicting with the logical side of me. But darling was superb in bringing out my logical side =)) I love myself when I'm with him LOL because in a way I feel stronger and not so emotional but more logical and when I am logical I make the right decisions.
Logicality came out when he told me he is this way and he loves me for who I am so shouldn't I love him for who he is? Hell yeah, I do love him for who he is! Really, and I ain't gonna try to change him!! Also, I asked him if he needed a girlfriend right now? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?? Damn girls keep putting ideas into my head!! ARGH I SHAN'T listen to them no more!! And he told me NO he didn't need a girlfriend but he loves me. And that was the sweetest thing he could have said. I think I was drunk... I said I need want and love him. BUT I have to emphasise that I do not NEED a boyfriend... God I'm more independent than that... But then again... I really DO LOVE this boy~ And with him I feel like I can stand on my own two feet again. Gone is the Mel who relies on people in that way LOL
He told me he could send automated texts like he was reporting strength to me and I was taken aback because though I'd like to know what he's doing I find that all these while I've been doing bo liao things ike what he said texting about what I am eating?? LOL that is seriously unnecessary.
Yes he did say he knows of people who meet like once a week... and that we meet quite often... Nah... I don't think so I know of friends who meet every day but then again he is also right to say that given our circumstances it's hard as he hangs out late at night and I can't. Here I'd like to thank my folks for dishing out shit on me so much so thatI CAN and WANT to hang out late now heehee~
I did tell him I wanted him to compare me but then again I don't. What I want is actually for him to tell me what he likes. I won't change myself for him but I can tweak stuff a bit so that I become a better person. In a relationship as the two people grow they tend to do stuff that suit one another and that's just sweet =)) I ain't asking him to change either but in a way he's also doing stuff for me that's sweet too and that I like. Like after the talk he posted a very sweet song for me on my wall =)) and it was reassuring. I like he way he cares~
ALSO... what I said above... I really hope he doesn't see such words as comparing because well it's not about the other guys it's about how I was in the past. And now that I've grown over the years, I think I'm changing to become a Miss Independent slowly =))
This boy rocks my world. Wouldn't want to ask for anything more than that~
Muay Thai XVIII
I didn't post the one on Thursday... but today's Cairhill training was a disas ter. First I forgot to take my training tshirt to training. Then the bus took so freaking long that I was late. Then when we started the punches I totally had no power. My upper arms felt so freaking weak that I couldn't even retract them fast enough. My shin kicks were totally screwed. Only my knees did me justice... then I freaking LEFT MY GLOVES AT CAIRNHILL!!! What the hell is going on???!!!
Sunday, 5 December 2010
It's time to REBEL
Yes people. Mel is finally rebelling. If my parents thought I was rebellious then, they have NO IDEA what they have incurred now.... A friend told me my parents give me hell and haven't been able to give up PRECISELY because everytime they scold me I become a good girl. Tonight I heeded their advice: The day after the big scolding, make a point. Go out and stay out. But then again, the good girl in me made me come back before 1am.... ah wells... Take things slow. I want to rebel, but I also want to be a responsible person. I have Muay Thai tomorrow. I won't let my rebelling take a toll on Muay Thai OR studies.
I LOVE RAYRAY DARLING!!! Haha... his words: You don't feel bad missing lectures?I will feel damn bad if I miss lectures. They are the ones pushing me to study harder. Went to school today even though I had only 3 hrs of sleep. Talk about discipline! And my folks giving me freedom now?? HAHA... GOOD!! I finally thought of moving out. The sudden surge of self-responsibility is here and this time Mel's gonna succeed. Watch out!!
I LOVE RAYRAY DARLING!!! Haha... his words: You don't feel bad missing lectures?I will feel damn bad if I miss lectures. They are the ones pushing me to study harder. Went to school today even though I had only 3 hrs of sleep. Talk about discipline! And my folks giving me freedom now?? HAHA... GOOD!! I finally thought of moving out. The sudden surge of self-responsibility is here and this time Mel's gonna succeed. Watch out!!
Thursday, 2 December 2010
I give up. RANTING SESSION IN PROGRESS.
God please stop me if I were to ever plan another occasion w.r.t PJ Jesslyn Elaine. NEVER AGAIN. When I plan a clubbing night, they want to scrimp and save and go to places like St. James where they know the music sucks. They go there for?? The free entry -.- AND when I plan a stupid drinking night for a friend, they take 1 whole FREAKING MONTH to choose a day when they can all meet. AND even when we settle on the date ONE BY ONE THEY SAY THAT THEY'LL BE FUCKING LATE BECAUSE THEY ARE MEETING OTHER FRIENDS FIRST. Nice... Can't fucking settle on a place to meet. When they used to scrimp so much last time now they want to be ATAS. Go Timbre?? Woah wait a minute, the girl who was so particular that she would hunt me down for 20cents wants to eat and drink at Timbre? The guy we're planning this for was for the beach idea right? And in the end what, WE BOTH GOT FUCKING OVERRULED. Fine la... they want chuang tian sia let them go and do bah...
Still remember the time I brought Shawn and his friends to club with PJ and girls and PJ was complaining that the guys didn't buy drinks for them and that they had to go dutch. Girl ah, you got bf cannot flirt what to do. They don't fucking know you at all and you barely talked to them what to do. YOU FUCKING GO CLUB EXPECTING TO BE TREATED YOU CAN GO GRIND TO SOME GUY BAH!! Yea.... Simon and Ash were nice, they bought drinks. Ray Jeremy and Simon were cool they bought the drinks for me too. BUT YOU DON'T GO TO CLUB EXPECTING PEOPLE TO BUY DRINKS FOR YOU.It's a bonus. NOT A MUST. I must be hanging out with my guys too much because I feel the pains in their wallet LOL. Forgive me but I feel more inclined to aiding my guys than my girls. At least they are more da fang! You treat I treat take turns to treat. Not fucking everytime one party treat la!
You owe me a dollar I don't bother; in fact I think PJ owes me more than 10 bucks per year... Fucking learn some PR skills for crying out loud. Your big eyes and pretty face can only do so much for getting you free drinks. Obviously when you show your character and they guys don't like then too bad la.
Told her I got no money and she told me to ask Ray to pay first. WHAT THE FUCK. This brought to mind what Jake said about her expecting the guys to treat and like what he said we shall tell her we're going dutch. Wah seh, first time hear her say don't worry about the money sia... When she got money she can say, when she doesn't she and the rest of the girls also in the power seat.
I HAVE TO FIND NEW KAKI TO DRINK AND PARTY. FUCKING MISERS! And I swear if Ray or Simon or Ash offers to pay for them, I'll have to walk out and cool myself down first before heading back in. I pray to the good lord that I'll have patience and not smash the table. I also pray that they will heed Jake's advice (which he is going to say to them) and fucking go dutch (due to previous encounters with the girls). I can't count the number of times I or someone close to me paid the balance for them and said it's alright. Since they have money, they better take it out. Shouldn't be a problem though for now, since they wanna be atas. Ooooh if Ray's gonna be a gentleman and help settle the bill for them I think I'll just skip the waikhru and just start the fight lo~
Still remember the time I brought Shawn and his friends to club with PJ and girls and PJ was complaining that the guys didn't buy drinks for them and that they had to go dutch. Girl ah, you got bf cannot flirt what to do. They don't fucking know you at all and you barely talked to them what to do. YOU FUCKING GO CLUB EXPECTING TO BE TREATED YOU CAN GO GRIND TO SOME GUY BAH!! Yea.... Simon and Ash were nice, they bought drinks. Ray Jeremy and Simon were cool they bought the drinks for me too. BUT YOU DON'T GO TO CLUB EXPECTING PEOPLE TO BUY DRINKS FOR YOU.It's a bonus. NOT A MUST. I must be hanging out with my guys too much because I feel the pains in their wallet LOL. Forgive me but I feel more inclined to aiding my guys than my girls. At least they are more da fang! You treat I treat take turns to treat. Not fucking everytime one party treat la!
You owe me a dollar I don't bother; in fact I think PJ owes me more than 10 bucks per year... Fucking learn some PR skills for crying out loud. Your big eyes and pretty face can only do so much for getting you free drinks. Obviously when you show your character and they guys don't like then too bad la.
Told her I got no money and she told me to ask Ray to pay first. WHAT THE FUCK. This brought to mind what Jake said about her expecting the guys to treat and like what he said we shall tell her we're going dutch. Wah seh, first time hear her say don't worry about the money sia... When she got money she can say, when she doesn't she and the rest of the girls also in the power seat.
I HAVE TO FIND NEW KAKI TO DRINK AND PARTY. FUCKING MISERS! And I swear if Ray or Simon or Ash offers to pay for them, I'll have to walk out and cool myself down first before heading back in. I pray to the good lord that I'll have patience and not smash the table. I also pray that they will heed Jake's advice (which he is going to say to them) and fucking go dutch (due to previous encounters with the girls). I can't count the number of times I or someone close to me paid the balance for them and said it's alright. Since they have money, they better take it out. Shouldn't be a problem though for now, since they wanna be atas. Ooooh if Ray's gonna be a gentleman and help settle the bill for them I think I'll just skip the waikhru and just start the fight lo~
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
Insult intellectually
Imagine this.
You are walking down the street when you get knocked into by a girl who is, well, let's just call her uncouth for now. This is what she says
"Eh! You got no eyes ah? Cannot see ah?- and after a slew of vulgarities originating from various dialect groups- You better f%$#ing apologise, bitch!"
Ah. Finally. An English swear word.
And so happens she caught you on a particularly cloudy day. You're injured from training and you do not want to aggravate your injury by giving her a forceful kick to the privates (yes, girls hurt there too). Your mood isn't great and you wouldn't mind picking a fight with her; verbally of course.
"Ah I worry for you my dear girl. You knocked into me, with our heads being, what, barely 3 inches from each other and yet you fail to realise that the two round objects in the sockets of the top half of my face are the very organs, which detect light, and convert it to electro-chemical impulses in neurons."
(If this is said rather quickly, you would most probably be facing a face that looks something like -----> O.O this.)
"Your eyes look alright to me on the surface though, they actually look rather pretty and big. You remind me of the emu, whose eyes are said to be larger than it's brain. Another worry is that you seem to be suffering a form of dysarthria as I can barely make out the gunk which was what you were slurring out the past minute or so of my undesirable encounter with you."
This may illicit a response such as,
"Oh so now you think you can talk ang mo very big is it...." and threats involving brothers and sisters, with no specific blood relations to her inflicting bodily harm on you, follow. There might also be the possibility that she might insult your parents.
To which you may respond,
"I had no idea that I had just eaten Gossamer (he's a looney tune character with red hair). Do not worry I wish to have no other dealings with you or your siblings. I think for that you would have to find a rather good lawyer to settle the battle of inheritence you might be facing in the near future with your siblings when your parents do die of haemorrhages in their central nervous systems or myogenic muscular organs. You may wish to continue exchanging insults or you may want to walk away considering we are already making a scene and that I am as close to calling my lawyer to issue you a letter for the slander you have heaped on me as you are from being sent to the Institute of Mental Health for a psychiatric analysis; in simple English, very close. Of course if you do wish to get physical I will not fight you for then you will be charged for assult and will most probably have to fork out a huge sum to settle lawyer fees as well as compensation for the bodily harm which you did to me. I will now give you some time to think things through, for you obviously suffer from a neurodevelopmental disorder known as Microcephaly. In the mean time I will continue shopping. Do inform me of what course of action you have decided to take once your brain has finished processing the information given you."
Walk away.
OR You could just beat her ass up. Your call. =)
You are walking down the street when you get knocked into by a girl who is, well, let's just call her uncouth for now. This is what she says
"Eh! You got no eyes ah? Cannot see ah?- and after a slew of vulgarities originating from various dialect groups- You better f%$#ing apologise, bitch!"
Ah. Finally. An English swear word.
And so happens she caught you on a particularly cloudy day. You're injured from training and you do not want to aggravate your injury by giving her a forceful kick to the privates (yes, girls hurt there too). Your mood isn't great and you wouldn't mind picking a fight with her; verbally of course.
"Ah I worry for you my dear girl. You knocked into me, with our heads being, what, barely 3 inches from each other and yet you fail to realise that the two round objects in the sockets of the top half of my face are the very organs, which detect light, and convert it to electro-chemical impulses in neurons."
(If this is said rather quickly, you would most probably be facing a face that looks something like -----> O.O this.)
"Your eyes look alright to me on the surface though, they actually look rather pretty and big. You remind me of the emu, whose eyes are said to be larger than it's brain. Another worry is that you seem to be suffering a form of dysarthria as I can barely make out the gunk which was what you were slurring out the past minute or so of my undesirable encounter with you."
This may illicit a response such as,
"Oh so now you think you can talk ang mo very big is it...." and threats involving brothers and sisters, with no specific blood relations to her inflicting bodily harm on you, follow. There might also be the possibility that she might insult your parents.
To which you may respond,
"I had no idea that I had just eaten Gossamer (he's a looney tune character with red hair). Do not worry I wish to have no other dealings with you or your siblings. I think for that you would have to find a rather good lawyer to settle the battle of inheritence you might be facing in the near future with your siblings when your parents do die of haemorrhages in their central nervous systems or myogenic muscular organs. You may wish to continue exchanging insults or you may want to walk away considering we are already making a scene and that I am as close to calling my lawyer to issue you a letter for the slander you have heaped on me as you are from being sent to the Institute of Mental Health for a psychiatric analysis; in simple English, very close. Of course if you do wish to get physical I will not fight you for then you will be charged for assult and will most probably have to fork out a huge sum to settle lawyer fees as well as compensation for the bodily harm which you did to me. I will now give you some time to think things through, for you obviously suffer from a neurodevelopmental disorder known as Microcephaly. In the mean time I will continue shopping. Do inform me of what course of action you have decided to take once your brain has finished processing the information given you."
Walk away.
OR You could just beat her ass up. Your call. =)
On the brightside! HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!!!
But ya lar... first I type emo shit then I type the positive stuff LOL me ish one weird ass person! Well I guess what keeps me sane is that I think of the negative stuff first because negativity is the rationality of the world. But then I answer my fears and worries with the counter arguement aka the BRIGHT SIDE muahaha... I get it la.... Love cannot be compared nia~ I hate it when my mom compares me too hehs....
Do not be mistaken.... though thinking too much and getting emo goes hand in hand, Mel never stays emo for too long hahaha... time to MOVE meh~
Anyways, am thinking of going on a trip like out of Singapore. I have used inception with mom already and the idea that I am going with my friends is already out on the table. Time to slowly push for it as the date draws nearer. Am thinking of a getaway say the third week of Dec when my holidays start. If it were to be on the 4th week it'll be Christmas away. Yupp this year there won't be a family gathering on Christmas eve and my parent will be out.... hmmm I don't know... whichever is more convenient? Doubt my girls can make it out by the time they plan anything it'll be the turn of the century LOL but then again not sure if Darling is up for another trip so soon? I know the moola is an issue but heck Imma be paying my way out of this trip yessiree! Will see how bahs~ Better not sit on this for too long if not the new year will be here~ LOL
Do not be mistaken.... though thinking too much and getting emo goes hand in hand, Mel never stays emo for too long hahaha... time to MOVE meh~
Anyways, am thinking of going on a trip like out of Singapore. I have used inception with mom already and the idea that I am going with my friends is already out on the table. Time to slowly push for it as the date draws nearer. Am thinking of a getaway say the third week of Dec when my holidays start. If it were to be on the 4th week it'll be Christmas away. Yupp this year there won't be a family gathering on Christmas eve and my parent will be out.... hmmm I don't know... whichever is more convenient? Doubt my girls can make it out by the time they plan anything it'll be the turn of the century LOL but then again not sure if Darling is up for another trip so soon? I know the moola is an issue but heck Imma be paying my way out of this trip yessiree! Will see how bahs~ Better not sit on this for too long if not the new year will be here~ LOL
Guilty?
爱情不能做比较 - 品冠
车子褃收音机空气中还飘著雨
在这个深夜褃你应该在他那褃
有多久没再遇见你
房褃没了你的气息
而我终於仍掉了你给我的所有东西
我刻意填满了生活褃每寸空隙
我知道不容易但我仍试著继续
我还能有怎样的情绪
听说你比从前开心
除了祝福我不想再多说一句
他很好他多好
这些我并不想要知道
再难忘掉多狂烈的拥抱
这回忆他怎麽给得到
他多好和我不同的好
最后是谁不重要
因为我知道爱情不能作比较
我刻意填满了生活褃每寸空隙
我知道不容易但我仍试著继续
听说你比从前开心
我还能有怎样的情绪
除了祝福我不想再多说一句
他很好他多好
这些我并不想要知道
再难忘掉多狂烈的拥抱
这回忆他怎麽给得到
他多好和我不同的好
最后是谁不重要
因为我不要你拿他和我作比较
就算是今天换一个人依靠
明天谁又比谁好
爱看不到听不到怎麽作比较
别再说他很好他多好
这些我并不想要知道
再难忘掉多狂烈的拥抱
这回忆他怎麽给得到
他多好和我不同的好
最后是谁不重要
因为我知道爱情不能作比较
希望你知道爱情不能作比较
Wah seh... am I really guilty of that? Saying that someone else is better? Hmmm the funny thing is... I find the best is always what I have now; doesn't matter what I had before. I must be weird because comparing is one of the most basic reactions of human beings. There are others who think that comparing with something better will cause us to strive for the better. But the difference is, I want to live in the now so I am contented with what I have.
When I love someone, no one else is better than that person. No matter how happy I was in the past, it is the person whom I am with now that stays in my heart and for him to be in my heart means that he is worthy of it and that there is no room for another man inside.
It is difficult to cope with hurt from the past though. Especially when the past has made some habits in me... habits that I can only explain linked to the past. Obviously everyone is curious about each other's past but I feel to look back is basically to see what went right or wrong in the past so that we can make a better future for ourselves; not to compare if our future is better or worse off than the past.
It is tactless to keep talking about past lovers, I know. Guess that topic is for deeper conversations in the future when we are more accustomed and comfortable? Or maybe never at all? I'm a weird one. My past is part of me and I don't want to keep any part of me hidden from my loved one. Should I change my mindset?
GOD! A song dedication is making me think so much.... shows how much he matters to me doesn't it? haha... Not to compare him to someone from my past? Hmmm I can do that. Because basically there is no comparison, the person that I love will always win anyways. And I am only capable of loving one guy at a time. When I say that he is the best, I mean it. I don't say it to compare so that when he is not as good or what instead of saying "you're the best" I say "You're the worst" LOL no... When I do say that you're the best I've ever had, I mean it. Because right there and then no one else is better than you...
My logic is a little topsy turvy even to my own mind... but I don't know how else to say it.... oh man!!!!! haix...
车子褃收音机空气中还飘著雨
在这个深夜褃你应该在他那褃
有多久没再遇见你
房褃没了你的气息
而我终於仍掉了你给我的所有东西
我刻意填满了生活褃每寸空隙
我知道不容易但我仍试著继续
我还能有怎样的情绪
听说你比从前开心
除了祝福我不想再多说一句
他很好他多好
这些我并不想要知道
再难忘掉多狂烈的拥抱
这回忆他怎麽给得到
他多好和我不同的好
最后是谁不重要
因为我知道爱情不能作比较
我刻意填满了生活褃每寸空隙
我知道不容易但我仍试著继续
听说你比从前开心
我还能有怎样的情绪
除了祝福我不想再多说一句
他很好他多好
这些我并不想要知道
再难忘掉多狂烈的拥抱
这回忆他怎麽给得到
他多好和我不同的好
最后是谁不重要
因为我不要你拿他和我作比较
就算是今天换一个人依靠
明天谁又比谁好
爱看不到听不到怎麽作比较
别再说他很好他多好
这些我并不想要知道
再难忘掉多狂烈的拥抱
这回忆他怎麽给得到
他多好和我不同的好
最后是谁不重要
因为我知道爱情不能作比较
希望你知道爱情不能作比较
Wah seh... am I really guilty of that? Saying that someone else is better? Hmmm the funny thing is... I find the best is always what I have now; doesn't matter what I had before. I must be weird because comparing is one of the most basic reactions of human beings. There are others who think that comparing with something better will cause us to strive for the better. But the difference is, I want to live in the now so I am contented with what I have.
When I love someone, no one else is better than that person. No matter how happy I was in the past, it is the person whom I am with now that stays in my heart and for him to be in my heart means that he is worthy of it and that there is no room for another man inside.
It is difficult to cope with hurt from the past though. Especially when the past has made some habits in me... habits that I can only explain linked to the past. Obviously everyone is curious about each other's past but I feel to look back is basically to see what went right or wrong in the past so that we can make a better future for ourselves; not to compare if our future is better or worse off than the past.
It is tactless to keep talking about past lovers, I know. Guess that topic is for deeper conversations in the future when we are more accustomed and comfortable? Or maybe never at all? I'm a weird one. My past is part of me and I don't want to keep any part of me hidden from my loved one. Should I change my mindset?
GOD! A song dedication is making me think so much.... shows how much he matters to me doesn't it? haha... Not to compare him to someone from my past? Hmmm I can do that. Because basically there is no comparison, the person that I love will always win anyways. And I am only capable of loving one guy at a time. When I say that he is the best, I mean it. I don't say it to compare so that when he is not as good or what instead of saying "you're the best" I say "You're the worst" LOL no... When I do say that you're the best I've ever had, I mean it. Because right there and then no one else is better than you...
My logic is a little topsy turvy even to my own mind... but I don't know how else to say it.... oh man!!!!! haix...
Love cannot be compared...
Went out with darling today~ Hehs We were actually going to watch Rapunzel: A Tangled Tale but we ended up watching the thriller The Next Three Days as suggested by darling <3 The movie was really not bad but like what darling said you have to pay close attention to it. Went for a walk and a light dinner at mos burger. I had pork bulgolgi and black seaseme ice cream though heehees.... was supposed to meet Derick they all for prawning but in the end it got delayed so darling and I went to KBox lol... it's been rather long! lol darling could sing like... japanese, english, mandarin, hokkien, cantonese and malay lol.... argh feel blardy noob!!! We tried duets and he had to teach me quite a few! Shall brush up LOL... but it was okies... really been so long... He sang one song specially... ok can't translate but its kinda saying that Love cannot be compared. Hmmmm Ok... I understand that but that got me thinking... he feels I am comparing him ah? I don't remember telling him how much better my ex is... though the topic does come up but mostly its cos... well stuff I do now adays was habitualised by my ex? Hmmm so like when i keep apologising its out of habit and I have to explain? Will keep it in mind though... not to talk abt my exes. Though I must say, I've talked about my past less with him than with any other of my boyfriends... Maybe not much deep conversations yet? Hmmm
Oh yepp darling bought me a medium sized Domo~ <3 the big one is way too ex and I honestly like the cuddly medium sized one LOL...
We spent the day at Cine mostly and we were counting the number of people looking at out Ed Hardy Apparel LOL.... 80 in Cine itself and another 80 outside LOL... The parking was a killer though $26!!!
Actually I got worried.... when darling told me he doesn't know what will happen when we start school... about the money la... Actually from the start of the r/s he did say he didn't want a gf as he might have trouble supporting... then again... I really don't want to be a high maintanence girl. I don't seek to go to town for every date.. I don't mind hanging out with him at his place or somewhere where we needn't spend so much... I'm worried la.. what if he says he wants to end it because of the money? Or what if the $$ issue gets to us? =( I will start saving now... Really don't wanna stress darling out...
Really like being with him... though there are times when I feel he's a bit distant but then again it's just that he's different from guys I use to hang with what. I've been reassured that he's serious and I can see that for myself. So I won't doubt and will stay strong. I only hope he can stay strong too~ <3
Monday, 29 November 2010
Darling is Back~
Darling went to Malaysia with Derick last Thursday and just came back today!! He got me an Ed Hardy t-shirt and sweats heehee~ so sweet!!! And a hell lot of chewing gum whees~
Darling was sweet enough to drop by my place after coming back heehees~ I really appreciate it =)) Dunno why... feel shy when I see him lei heehee... like dunno what to say... really miss his hugs a lot. Got this feeling like I wanna hug him and don't wanna let go. Heehee...
Darling was sweet enough to drop by my place after coming back heehees~ I really appreciate it =)) Dunno why... feel shy when I see him lei heehee... like dunno what to say... really miss his hugs a lot. Got this feeling like I wanna hug him and don't wanna let go. Heehee...
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Muay Thai XVII
Cairnhill with the rest of SIM Muay Thai =)) Most of the juniors came haha woots it was FUN!!! We did lots of stuff!! The starting itself was different. Wilson made us do stuff like knee block- push kicks all done without putting the foot down! It was tiring on the thighs! Hmmm we were seperated into two groups, boys and girls. The girls hit the sandbags first. We had 30sec per set of punching, kneeing, shin kicking and finally anything-goes. I did some extra sets when I could. Wilson saw that my shin kick was mostly from my foot thats why there was sound so I made myself use more of my shin. The other trainer (I don't know what's his name) told me to keep my back straight and not lean so far back for my shin kick. I'll keep that in mind!!
After that we went over to Wilson and we did knee block-shin kicks and block-one two punches. It was seriously tiring. By then it felt very much like shagged out already. We went for another round of kneeing with the sandbags as well s air-kneeing with Coach Jason. After which we had PT!! LOL Loads of different push ups and abs exercises!!! It was a blast!! Didn;t stay for fighter training as Coach Lai obviously had chosen ones in mind. Ah wells. I'll be there one day!!!
After that we went over to Wilson and we did knee block-shin kicks and block-one two punches. It was seriously tiring. By then it felt very much like shagged out already. We went for another round of kneeing with the sandbags as well s air-kneeing with Coach Jason. After which we had PT!! LOL Loads of different push ups and abs exercises!!! It was a blast!! Didn;t stay for fighter training as Coach Lai obviously had chosen ones in mind. Ah wells. I'll be there one day!!!
Family dinner!!
Had an awesome family dinner!! Everyone came except Zhao Han but that's fine LOL... had HTHT session with Yuxin <3 and Yongxin fell asleep on the sofa haha.... Mum cooked a lot: baby-back ribs, salad, Lagsane, garlic bread and mushroom soup (for Yongxin cos of her teeth), cheese and vegetables for gan die and DESSERT TO DIE FOR LOL...
We also celebrated Wan Yi's birthday and yes we took nice family photos that I have to send to them LOL and I WILL do so soon!!! hahaha.... Got rather nice early Christmas presents too given that we will not be hosting Christmas this year on Christmas eve LOL Maybe I can finally go for a Xmas Holiday! Hahahaha see how...
Had a blast watching Youtube videos with Yuxin and Yongxin. Hope to see them soonish! Christmas again~
We also celebrated Wan Yi's birthday and yes we took nice family photos that I have to send to them LOL and I WILL do so soon!!! hahaha.... Got rather nice early Christmas presents too given that we will not be hosting Christmas this year on Christmas eve LOL Maybe I can finally go for a Xmas Holiday! Hahahaha see how...
Had a blast watching Youtube videos with Yuxin and Yongxin. Hope to see them soonish! Christmas again~
Saturday, 27 November 2010
I cut my hair~
From today onwards I think I'll go to the hairdresser ear my place instead of to auntie.... Yes she charges $6 but then she's so far away and she's not exactly v skilled. The male hairdresser here always takes his time to cut but then again you can see the skill there. It is obvious he is TRAINED. The aunties here.... not so good... think I'll get him to do my hair from now on~
The hairdresser is right. I've had the assymetrical look for so long. But I look good in short hair so why not go for it? Hahaha Finally I've succumbed to the itch to cut my hair~
The hairdresser is right. I've had the assymetrical look for so long. But I look good in short hair so why not go for it? Hahaha Finally I've succumbed to the itch to cut my hair~
Oh night...
Heehee got a post from darling.... wow I didn't know Mel was so easy to pacify LOL.... Hmmm I just ate like noodles for supper... GOD I wish I had darling's metabolism!!! But I am working out so I'm fine for now... just can't do it in excess hmmm LOL...
Am currently watching Shutter on TV now and yes it freaks me out like TOTALLEH!!! But I can't help but notice that in all Thai films, and I mean ALL, they always have one part which is specifically added for comic relief hahaha esp the Tranny in the toilet for Shutter LOL...
Hmmm I feel like going to Malaysia~ Hmmm maybe will go for a road trip!!! lol... PJ and Jess were talking about it... They even said Ray can drive the four of us but I told them the back seat will probably be cramped up!!! LOL Hmmm if Simon was agreeable to it it might be a different story heehees~ See how la... maybe in the end we'll take coach there... or maybe won't even go? Hmmm I think I should bleach my hair. They told me Malaysia is cheaper but I kinda trust Aunty more and I'm more used to her? Hmmm see first? I really hate my hair color!!! ARGH I just wanna go back to normal colors again!!! HELP!!!
Am currently watching Shutter on TV now and yes it freaks me out like TOTALLEH!!! But I can't help but notice that in all Thai films, and I mean ALL, they always have one part which is specifically added for comic relief hahaha esp the Tranny in the toilet for Shutter LOL...
Hmmm I feel like going to Malaysia~ Hmmm maybe will go for a road trip!!! lol... PJ and Jess were talking about it... They even said Ray can drive the four of us but I told them the back seat will probably be cramped up!!! LOL Hmmm if Simon was agreeable to it it might be a different story heehees~ See how la... maybe in the end we'll take coach there... or maybe won't even go? Hmmm I think I should bleach my hair. They told me Malaysia is cheaper but I kinda trust Aunty more and I'm more used to her? Hmmm see first? I really hate my hair color!!! ARGH I just wanna go back to normal colors again!!! HELP!!!
Friday, 26 November 2010
The way I'm being treated??? HUH??
Hmmmm am I blinded by love AGAIN?? Hmmmm why is it that people are saying stuff that I keep giving excuses for? Maybe their outlook in a relationship is different? Was with PJ and Jesslyn just now. And they found out that Darling went to Genting with Derick... hmmm... PJ said that he's just treating me as someone who is there for him and that takes the back seat?....
It's true that he takes care of his friends. Hell when my girls are crying over break ups I'm there too! I even go down at night just to find them! When my guy friends are down from their problems I arrange drinking sessions and outings for them. True they aren't very close to me so they won't ask me out nightly to chill and all but then again I'd do it for them if I had to. Hmmm in a way, Ray would probably be the bros before hoes typa guy? I can't say this is foreign to me. AJ was like that too (that's where I got the bros before hoes quote from anyways) but the thing is I hung out with the bros... probably because AJ and his bros met mostly in the day or not into the wee hours? Or maybe because my parents were a bit lax at that time? I'd really like to hang out with Ray and his friends though but it might be due to the age gap, they don't appear to be people who like, play lan, mahjong, paintball or do active stuff like in a group? And they always hang out like till morning so.... =(( Saaaaaad..... Wish they could hang out in the day *mumble grumble grumble* LOL
But seriously, I was too childish in the past to see that having individual lives was a healthy thing and I thought too much. Now I've grown and I'm alright with it. PJ asked me if I was sure I wanted something like this when I am still so young. I admit that I like the lovey dovey feeling but then again I told her, I'm happy if things stay this way. If they do deteriorate then... I definitely won't be too happy.... But heyy!! What did I say? I won't think too much eh =))
Hope he'll miss me like he says he would.... Because I miss him much~ >.<
It's true that he takes care of his friends. Hell when my girls are crying over break ups I'm there too! I even go down at night just to find them! When my guy friends are down from their problems I arrange drinking sessions and outings for them. True they aren't very close to me so they won't ask me out nightly to chill and all but then again I'd do it for them if I had to. Hmmm in a way, Ray would probably be the bros before hoes typa guy? I can't say this is foreign to me. AJ was like that too (that's where I got the bros before hoes quote from anyways) but the thing is I hung out with the bros... probably because AJ and his bros met mostly in the day or not into the wee hours? Or maybe because my parents were a bit lax at that time? I'd really like to hang out with Ray and his friends though but it might be due to the age gap, they don't appear to be people who like, play lan, mahjong, paintball or do active stuff like in a group? And they always hang out like till morning so.... =(( Saaaaaad..... Wish they could hang out in the day *mumble grumble grumble* LOL
But seriously, I was too childish in the past to see that having individual lives was a healthy thing and I thought too much. Now I've grown and I'm alright with it. PJ asked me if I was sure I wanted something like this when I am still so young. I admit that I like the lovey dovey feeling but then again I told her, I'm happy if things stay this way. If they do deteriorate then... I definitely won't be too happy.... But heyy!! What did I say? I won't think too much eh =))
Hope he'll miss me like he says he would.... Because I miss him much~ >.<
Maiden attempt at toilet cleaning
Yep to prepare for our guests' arrival I took it upon myself to clean the main toilet. Things were going well, though my mother gave nothing but naggings and scoldings. So I cleaned the counter-top, scrubbed the walls and floor and polished the glass... then the glass shelve in the wet-area came lose from the wall and crashed to the floor.... I got cut....wtffffff
Yupp but I still had to clean the glass up and mom didn't even bother giving advice I had to ask her if we had the dustpan and all... and she didn't bother asking if I got cut. Maybe it's because I went around as if I was alright.... But HONESTLY!!! Arghhhh..... the things I do for family LOL
Yupp but I still had to clean the glass up and mom didn't even bother giving advice I had to ask her if we had the dustpan and all... and she didn't bother asking if I got cut. Maybe it's because I went around as if I was alright.... But HONESTLY!!! Arghhhh..... the things I do for family LOL
Shock-de-mas
Thank you Lord for answering my prayers!!! This morning darling said he almost died on the way up to Genting.... WTF!!! And there I was tossing and turning all night having pictures in my head of cras careening off sides of cliffs and crashing into tour buses. Glad I made a long and soulful prayer!!! Shall do so everynight till he gets back then. Malaysian roads tsk tsk....
Went to the gym with PJ and Jess just now woots did some nice cardio and then we went to have Laksa and Bundung -.- LOL ah wells live to eat meh~ hahahhaa
No worries... gonna do some work out later. Will be at home today because mom is busy cooking for the big family get together tomorrow night LOL so I will be cleaning the toilet, walking the dog and doing the laundry. *likes.... NOT hahahaha
Went to the gym with PJ and Jess just now woots did some nice cardio and then we went to have Laksa and Bundung -.- LOL ah wells live to eat meh~ hahahhaa
No worries... gonna do some work out later. Will be at home today because mom is busy cooking for the big family get together tomorrow night LOL so I will be cleaning the toilet, walking the dog and doing the laundry. *likes.... NOT hahahaha
My Darling's off to Genting
Humph... darling went Genting.... so last minute.... still expect me to happily give him my blessings -.- HUMPH... I feel sad and was already missing him when I first saw the message how to "give my blessings" happily... When I first sawhe was going I was still ok... then he told me he was going TONIGHT! Shocker balls~
Obviously I wasn't happy lar... which probably caused him to think I was a girl who could not be understanding =( haix... but hey it's not like I told him "YOU CANNOT GO!" Yes I know a lot of girls out there will most probably say that. Either that or they will start threatening that if he goes they won't want to be with him when he gets back and all that. But I didn't choose to say those words what. Let him go, but how was I to mask my emotions?? So I gave real short replies, what was I supposed to do?
Not a lot of guys would have been as nice as darling though. A lot of them would be like, oh she said enjoy the trip who cares if she happy or not just enjoy la. At LEAST darling picked up that I was unhappy... heehee <3
I know I know, some girls out there will be like, MEL WHY YOU NEVER STAND YOUR GROUND?! YOU SHOULD JUST TELL HIM NOT TO GO!! But heyy... it's not like he suddenly plan to go there by himself. His frend Derick has been down and out for awhile... Yes yes I know they have been meeting up every night more often than he meets me anyways but heck the guy just broke up la give him a break!! There is something about me- when I have a boyfriend, his friends become my friends too. And I want my friends to be happy. So I try to put myself in their shoes (Verstehen, Sociology!!) and I know Ray would like his friend to be happy so when Derick jio he will want to accompany him too what. The fact that he even told me about it and not just up and left is commendable enough I guess.
Aaaaaand I didn't know Derick was the one replying my messages -.- he must have found me a very weird girlfriend... haix... but I really was a tad unhappy what. Mel is always like that. Unhappy but want to do the right thing so always having inner conflict... I'm gonna have a stroke one day... lol
Ah wells. Now I'm only worried about Darling driving there... it's so late now... Gonna pray that he gets there and back safely...
Love you darling<3
Obviously I wasn't happy lar... which probably caused him to think I was a girl who could not be understanding =( haix... but hey it's not like I told him "YOU CANNOT GO!" Yes I know a lot of girls out there will most probably say that. Either that or they will start threatening that if he goes they won't want to be with him when he gets back and all that. But I didn't choose to say those words what. Let him go, but how was I to mask my emotions?? So I gave real short replies, what was I supposed to do?
Not a lot of guys would have been as nice as darling though. A lot of them would be like, oh she said enjoy the trip who cares if she happy or not just enjoy la. At LEAST darling picked up that I was unhappy... heehee <3
I know I know, some girls out there will be like, MEL WHY YOU NEVER STAND YOUR GROUND?! YOU SHOULD JUST TELL HIM NOT TO GO!! But heyy... it's not like he suddenly plan to go there by himself. His frend Derick has been down and out for awhile... Yes yes I know they have been meeting up every night more often than he meets me anyways but heck the guy just broke up la give him a break!! There is something about me- when I have a boyfriend, his friends become my friends too. And I want my friends to be happy. So I try to put myself in their shoes (Verstehen, Sociology!!) and I know Ray would like his friend to be happy so when Derick jio he will want to accompany him too what. The fact that he even told me about it and not just up and left is commendable enough I guess.
Aaaaaand I didn't know Derick was the one replying my messages -.- he must have found me a very weird girlfriend... haix... but I really was a tad unhappy what. Mel is always like that. Unhappy but want to do the right thing so always having inner conflict... I'm gonna have a stroke one day... lol
Ah wells. Now I'm only worried about Darling driving there... it's so late now... Gonna pray that he gets there and back safely...
Love you darling<3
Dinner with Kim~
Met up with the girl finalleh!! She came back from Aussie FINALLEH!! Haha... went to Novena Sq to mumm mumms at Waraku Pasta!! She got the Salmon n Roe soup based pasta(if I am not mistaken) and I got the Seafood Pasta (yes boring I know but the squid ink will so blacken my teeth laaa) LOL
This is the first time I spent so long at the dinner table just eating and chatting =)) So happy that she isn't like my other friends who scoff at me and Ray. Thankies for your support babe~ =))
Hope to meet up with the rest of the girls soonish~
This is the first time I spent so long at the dinner table just eating and chatting =)) So happy that she isn't like my other friends who scoff at me and Ray. Thankies for your support babe~ =))
Hope to meet up with the rest of the girls soonish~
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Thoughts
Went out with darling today after a 3-day stint of not seeing him~ Poor darling was tired today... well he DID sleep at 6am.... poor darling only got max 4-5hrs sleep I guess =(( Make me feel so guilty for seeing him... Sometimes I wonder if I am just an added responsibility to him >.< I really don't want to be that. I really don't want to be something that he HAS to accomodate in his life, something that he will want to dispense of should there be added responsibilities such as school etc... But then again, there was someone who made me feel so indispensible yes disposed of me the moment he found his fun in Uni so... I know I've told myself time and again Ray is different and I should not expect or let my past affect me now because this is something else... Yet there are times when I feel emotionally weakened... Maybe it's the PMS haha or maybe...
It's the lack of support from my friends? I don't understand. I should be fine without their support. All throughout my relationship with Jerome they saw me as the bad person, the one being at fault, not realising that the person crying everynight was me and not him. They went to the extent of telling me, their friend, not to bully a "good" guy like him. I won't deny he was a good guy, he just had this bad side that he showed only to me...
And here I have friends, some who are my closest questioning my decisions. I've told them and myself time and time again that this is my choice to make. Who I love and what I do are ultimately up to me. But for them to use inception, albeit unknowingly, is not helping. I used to seek opinion from the masses about these issues. Now I find I am learning to shun from them because I know that after what happened before, most of them know SHIT about what was good for me. I know what is good for me. So the person I should listen to should be myself.
I've got friends who seem to be expecting my to break up anytime soon. I have some who tell me that relationships starting in clubs won't last. Then they ask for my support when they are going out with some other guy and THEY appear too blind to see that the guy is REALLY not that good a guy for themselves and here they are telling me stuff like that?? Ray is a better guy than the guy they choose ANYTIME!
I know the feelings I feel for Ray are real and they mean a lot to me. This is no puppy love, this is no infatuation. It's something deeper than that. Thus I really want things to work out for us =))
I've said this before, some people date first then get together. Others get together first then date. There is no right or wrong when it comes to love; people go by feeling, because that is EXACTLY what love is, a feeling. The only thing is, I fear to talk to him about my fears in the relationship that are mostly put into my head by my friends. I'm afraid he might thing "Why is this girl thinking so much?" and "Wow we only just got together and she's giving so much problems." So I bottle a lot of things up. I was used to talking at night before bed to my past boyfriends and it was a bonding thing. Yet with Ray we don't talk at night because he is with his friends. And I don't like to call him and make him talk because I don't think it very nice for a guy to say to his friends "Hey give me awhile I have to talk to my girlfriend." The fact that he is mostly nocturnal kinds of make everything a little different for me but I guess I can cope with it.
I keep telling myself:
Don't expect and you won't be disappointed.
Don't think too far, live and enjoy the now.
These phrases have become mantras for me to live by.
I want a long term relationship. He told me he wanted it too. So now, all we have to do is trust. I'm afraid to plan too far ahead now because he's not ready (who will be with just 3 weeks into the r/s?? DUH!) and because planning so far so fast usually leads in disappointment. I guess the past two have given me a lot of baggage. Baggage I thought I had gotten rid of. The fact is I haven't gotten rid of the fears but I know how to overcome them. I just don't need additional help to heap more fears onto me -.- Friends ask me if I plan like really far ahead (like walking down the aisle) and I find that I tell them to stop with all these because it's only 3 weeks omg! They give me the look that shows doubt. I don't think I'm the gullible little girl who thought of prince charming anymore. But why do they think that I should be thinking of marrying him already?? And when I say that we've not talked about it, they use it as leverage to show that they don't think the r/s will last. WTF?? GROW UP GIRLS!!! For someone to say "I wanna marry this person" after less than a month of knowing them, it's rather obvious that it is an impulsive decision. I want to enjoy the process of getting to know my boyfriend as well as learning the best way to love him thank you very much!
I find that this relationship is exactly what I was talking about when I talked about the healthy relationship:
The man and woman in a relationship are in love. They are however two seperate individuals and are not an entity bound at the hip. Two human beings bound at the hip will only face a lot of conflict in the long run as humans need their own space too. Thus, a couple should be two seperate individuals but share a common love for each other.
A relationship should not mean that one cannot leave the house without the other. Neither does it mean that they cannot talk or interact with anyone other than the two of them. That is NOT healthy. Each must have their own support groups like friends and family and what they should do is intergrate themselves to get to know the other party's support groups, and not seal their loved one from the support groups.
Although I feel that this is the ideal healthy relationship, I must admit I still pine for the honeymoon period of "just the two of us" and this is the reason why in the previous post I said that I think the honeymoon period seems to be over. However, I am very well contented if things stay this way throughout the relationship because as I have stated this is the ideal relationship. I'd rather skip the "just the two of us ONLY" few months and have a long and healthy relationship with many little "just the two of us" times, than have a very very sweet 3 months honeymoon and when the transition back into society happens things fall apart because the two are used to being bound at the waist.
I see myself being able to go far with Darling and I won't give up. Not now, not ever. And heck whoever wants to try to rule my life because it isn't their's to rule. It is mine and I can make things happen.
It's the lack of support from my friends? I don't understand. I should be fine without their support. All throughout my relationship with Jerome they saw me as the bad person, the one being at fault, not realising that the person crying everynight was me and not him. They went to the extent of telling me, their friend, not to bully a "good" guy like him. I won't deny he was a good guy, he just had this bad side that he showed only to me...
And here I have friends, some who are my closest questioning my decisions. I've told them and myself time and time again that this is my choice to make. Who I love and what I do are ultimately up to me. But for them to use inception, albeit unknowingly, is not helping. I used to seek opinion from the masses about these issues. Now I find I am learning to shun from them because I know that after what happened before, most of them know SHIT about what was good for me. I know what is good for me. So the person I should listen to should be myself.
I've got friends who seem to be expecting my to break up anytime soon. I have some who tell me that relationships starting in clubs won't last. Then they ask for my support when they are going out with some other guy and THEY appear too blind to see that the guy is REALLY not that good a guy for themselves and here they are telling me stuff like that?? Ray is a better guy than the guy they choose ANYTIME!
I know the feelings I feel for Ray are real and they mean a lot to me. This is no puppy love, this is no infatuation. It's something deeper than that. Thus I really want things to work out for us =))
I've said this before, some people date first then get together. Others get together first then date. There is no right or wrong when it comes to love; people go by feeling, because that is EXACTLY what love is, a feeling. The only thing is, I fear to talk to him about my fears in the relationship that are mostly put into my head by my friends. I'm afraid he might thing "Why is this girl thinking so much?" and "Wow we only just got together and she's giving so much problems." So I bottle a lot of things up. I was used to talking at night before bed to my past boyfriends and it was a bonding thing. Yet with Ray we don't talk at night because he is with his friends. And I don't like to call him and make him talk because I don't think it very nice for a guy to say to his friends "Hey give me awhile I have to talk to my girlfriend." The fact that he is mostly nocturnal kinds of make everything a little different for me but I guess I can cope with it.
I keep telling myself:
Don't expect and you won't be disappointed.
Don't think too far, live and enjoy the now.
These phrases have become mantras for me to live by.
I want a long term relationship. He told me he wanted it too. So now, all we have to do is trust. I'm afraid to plan too far ahead now because he's not ready (who will be with just 3 weeks into the r/s?? DUH!) and because planning so far so fast usually leads in disappointment. I guess the past two have given me a lot of baggage. Baggage I thought I had gotten rid of. The fact is I haven't gotten rid of the fears but I know how to overcome them. I just don't need additional help to heap more fears onto me -.- Friends ask me if I plan like really far ahead (like walking down the aisle) and I find that I tell them to stop with all these because it's only 3 weeks omg! They give me the look that shows doubt. I don't think I'm the gullible little girl who thought of prince charming anymore. But why do they think that I should be thinking of marrying him already?? And when I say that we've not talked about it, they use it as leverage to show that they don't think the r/s will last. WTF?? GROW UP GIRLS!!! For someone to say "I wanna marry this person" after less than a month of knowing them, it's rather obvious that it is an impulsive decision. I want to enjoy the process of getting to know my boyfriend as well as learning the best way to love him thank you very much!
I find that this relationship is exactly what I was talking about when I talked about the healthy relationship:
The man and woman in a relationship are in love. They are however two seperate individuals and are not an entity bound at the hip. Two human beings bound at the hip will only face a lot of conflict in the long run as humans need their own space too. Thus, a couple should be two seperate individuals but share a common love for each other.
A relationship should not mean that one cannot leave the house without the other. Neither does it mean that they cannot talk or interact with anyone other than the two of them. That is NOT healthy. Each must have their own support groups like friends and family and what they should do is intergrate themselves to get to know the other party's support groups, and not seal their loved one from the support groups.
Although I feel that this is the ideal healthy relationship, I must admit I still pine for the honeymoon period of "just the two of us" and this is the reason why in the previous post I said that I think the honeymoon period seems to be over. However, I am very well contented if things stay this way throughout the relationship because as I have stated this is the ideal relationship. I'd rather skip the "just the two of us ONLY" few months and have a long and healthy relationship with many little "just the two of us" times, than have a very very sweet 3 months honeymoon and when the transition back into society happens things fall apart because the two are used to being bound at the waist.
I see myself being able to go far with Darling and I won't give up. Not now, not ever. And heck whoever wants to try to rule my life because it isn't their's to rule. It is mine and I can make things happen.
Muay Thai XVI
I've been lazy haha haven't updated the last Muay thai session at Cairnhill. But here goes. Last Sunday I finally went for Muay Thai after a 2 week break due to my right foot. I've never felt so alive. Yes I did injure my achilles/ ankle area walking to training but it was fine. I did two sets, one extra, of what Coach Jason told us to do. But first we had skipping and stretching. I think I got a good rope cos it was lighter and easier to skip with. We had normal shadow and stance practice though and after that we had pad work. We did one-two punches as well as shin kicks for 30s. Then we had circuit sets of 10 secs each for 5 sets. We did one-two power+agility punches, knees, elbows and shins. I Did the extra set on the punching bag that gave me the injury haha.... I really saw that my form was getting better! My shin kick carried the stance and power I was looking for and though my right shin kick was weakers as I was favouring my injury I know I can do well with it now =)) Can't wait for Sunday as Thursday's training is cancelled. =)) Whheeees LOVE MUAY THAI!!!
Sunday, 21 November 2010
Watched Harry Potter courtesy of Nicole yesterday~ Basically Saturday was school and school haha... But Ray came over to pay school fees and waited in school till after my lecture so we can go for the movie straight. LOL..
On the way out I was faced with the question on why I said the honeymoon period is over when he doesn't feel this way. Hmmm... I guess there are times when I'm emo? There are times when people are a bit quieter or colder I guess and I tend to not be used to it? My friends have been asking me about him. And I guess I've come to the conclusion that there are two types of starts for relationships. One is when a party likes another and they chase the person until a period of time after courtship where they decide to get together. Another is when both parties want to be together and they get together and start the dating. The only difference is the status put upon each other and the time that it is laid down and that dating has no strings attached unlike when one goes into a relationship.
You can say we are getting to know one another now and we're obviously going through the second option. I can say that I've been chased (albeit within a short time), and I've also been through sweet honeymoon periods. Both scenarios are different but are sweet nonetheless. Being chased does not imply I like the person back so whether he calls me, smses me or whatever, it doesn't really bother me. Then i had relationships where we call each other every night and sms each other through out the day. Even when the honeymoon period was over this still occured. I guess things like this gave me a sort of expectation, and when these are no fulfilled I draw a huge question mark or blank.
I have made it my motto to not expect and if good things happen they are bonuses, when they do not, then so be it. For my first, I expected his sweetness throughout and it was only up to the end where it slowly fades did things really get ugly. For the second we seemed to have the expectation that we'd always be there 24/7 and that we'd be getting married (haha...) and it was when we were not there for each other that we felt the pain and we started to be unsure of the getting married plans. Thus I conclude that if I have too many expectations, things will get ugly when they are not met.
Of course I am not saying I do not have expectations. I am just saying I am trying not to have them and when they do arise too strongly I tend to tape them back down. I do not want to carry the expectations rendered me from my past relationships to this relationships as Ray is a totally different guy from the other two. The lack of future plans for us in his head would be totally unnerving if I were to be stuck in my past mindset. That he doesn't call me would be queer too if I were still stuck back there. These thoughts do occur to me now and then but I always remind myself, this is a different guy, do NOT bring the past into the present.
For someone to really enjoy a relationship, they would have to let go of their past ones. Because no two men or women are the same. Then open up their minds so that they can enjoy the present relationship.
Think I have to start doing what I did before, whenever I am down, I'll ask myself what does Ray do to make me feel loved. And he really does quite a bit! =)) Time to update my list of why he's so awesome~
On the way out I was faced with the question on why I said the honeymoon period is over when he doesn't feel this way. Hmmm... I guess there are times when I'm emo? There are times when people are a bit quieter or colder I guess and I tend to not be used to it? My friends have been asking me about him. And I guess I've come to the conclusion that there are two types of starts for relationships. One is when a party likes another and they chase the person until a period of time after courtship where they decide to get together. Another is when both parties want to be together and they get together and start the dating. The only difference is the status put upon each other and the time that it is laid down and that dating has no strings attached unlike when one goes into a relationship.
You can say we are getting to know one another now and we're obviously going through the second option. I can say that I've been chased (albeit within a short time), and I've also been through sweet honeymoon periods. Both scenarios are different but are sweet nonetheless. Being chased does not imply I like the person back so whether he calls me, smses me or whatever, it doesn't really bother me. Then i had relationships where we call each other every night and sms each other through out the day. Even when the honeymoon period was over this still occured. I guess things like this gave me a sort of expectation, and when these are no fulfilled I draw a huge question mark or blank.
I have made it my motto to not expect and if good things happen they are bonuses, when they do not, then so be it. For my first, I expected his sweetness throughout and it was only up to the end where it slowly fades did things really get ugly. For the second we seemed to have the expectation that we'd always be there 24/7 and that we'd be getting married (haha...) and it was when we were not there for each other that we felt the pain and we started to be unsure of the getting married plans. Thus I conclude that if I have too many expectations, things will get ugly when they are not met.
Of course I am not saying I do not have expectations. I am just saying I am trying not to have them and when they do arise too strongly I tend to tape them back down. I do not want to carry the expectations rendered me from my past relationships to this relationships as Ray is a totally different guy from the other two. The lack of future plans for us in his head would be totally unnerving if I were to be stuck in my past mindset. That he doesn't call me would be queer too if I were still stuck back there. These thoughts do occur to me now and then but I always remind myself, this is a different guy, do NOT bring the past into the present.
For someone to really enjoy a relationship, they would have to let go of their past ones. Because no two men or women are the same. Then open up their minds so that they can enjoy the present relationship.
Think I have to start doing what I did before, whenever I am down, I'll ask myself what does Ray do to make me feel loved. And he really does quite a bit! =)) Time to update my list of why he's so awesome~
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Went to Bugis St with darling just now~ =)) bought two dresses (a short one and a maxi) and a blouse! =)) Darling got a nice shirt and we chose a nice pair of Pedro shoes for him =))Darling came to school for his schoold fees today so he picked me up too and we went to hougang for me to get my hair trimmed =)) Went to Bugis after that and though I found it hard to shop there given the difference in crowds there Darling did help me feel better heehee~
Gonna go for a wardrobe make over =)) Gonna be more feminine while Darling becomes more metrosexual hahaha =)) Have to be more confident though. After 2 weeks of no training I've become flabby!! Time to kick up the dust and start my Muay Thai =)) Then won't lose out to the girls who are going to be attracted to darling when he goes school hahaha
Gonna go for a wardrobe make over =)) Gonna be more feminine while Darling becomes more metrosexual hahaha =)) Have to be more confident though. After 2 weeks of no training I've become flabby!! Time to kick up the dust and start my Muay Thai =)) Then won't lose out to the girls who are going to be attracted to darling when he goes school hahaha
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
It's been a week. And the feeling is like the honeymoon period is over. This is the fastest I've ever been through mann... I don't mind if things are like this later on but if it dwindles any more than this I don't think I'll be able to take it? It's just kinda weird? When we're together, I feel like we're together but when we're not it feels like I'm single? It's weird but it's true that we should have our own lives outside a relationship and this is the mature thing to do. Yet I miss feeling special in a way... hmmmm
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Like I said, sometimes I am paranoid. And at the end of the day I find out that all my fears were uncalled for. It is these fears that build the monsters that finally consume us and we turn back and say "hey I knew it was going to happen" when in fact we made everything happen. Self fulfilling prophecy.
Today went with darling for some Honda forum photoshoot. It was raining heavily after lunch. We dashed out of the MacDonald in the rain and for a moment it was queer because we held hands but we were running... in the rain.... HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAA....
Ok after that laugh, things seem more normal haha.. But yes we were wet and the windows and all were misty so we had to have the air condition on and it was freezing... LOL We were both wearing Metal Mulisha t shirts that Darling bought =)) And mine was kinda thin but ah wells I survived!! We went to meet the convoy going down to the flyer area. Went there and it was raining so we parked and we went to seek shelter and all that.... We actually spent a good 2 hrs or more waiting for the photoshoot and for the latecomers and all. Met some of darling's friends and spent the time there stoning, squatting, watching darling smoke and playing his iPhone games haha....
After the photoshoot, we went to meet some of his other friends and watched them do plank drifting =)) exciting!! Darling is cool!! Hahaha what else can i say. But after the activity his car was dirty so we went to the car wash to get it hosed and soaped down. He sent me back after that and all.
Today I was kinda worried when he changed his profile pic to a solo picture and it's like not even 1 week yet? Feel like... he's getting more distant as I start to warm up to him? Hmmm... or was he always like this? But he assures me he loves me and all that. I hope I am not wrong about him. I really do feel like I'm falling hard for him. Want this to last. =))
Today went with darling for some Honda forum photoshoot. It was raining heavily after lunch. We dashed out of the MacDonald in the rain and for a moment it was queer because we held hands but we were running... in the rain.... HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAA....
Ok after that laugh, things seem more normal haha.. But yes we were wet and the windows and all were misty so we had to have the air condition on and it was freezing... LOL We were both wearing Metal Mulisha t shirts that Darling bought =)) And mine was kinda thin but ah wells I survived!! We went to meet the convoy going down to the flyer area. Went there and it was raining so we parked and we went to seek shelter and all that.... We actually spent a good 2 hrs or more waiting for the photoshoot and for the latecomers and all. Met some of darling's friends and spent the time there stoning, squatting, watching darling smoke and playing his iPhone games haha....
After the photoshoot, we went to meet some of his other friends and watched them do plank drifting =)) exciting!! Darling is cool!! Hahaha what else can i say. But after the activity his car was dirty so we went to the car wash to get it hosed and soaped down. He sent me back after that and all.
Today I was kinda worried when he changed his profile pic to a solo picture and it's like not even 1 week yet? Feel like... he's getting more distant as I start to warm up to him? Hmmm... or was he always like this? But he assures me he loves me and all that. I hope I am not wrong about him. I really do feel like I'm falling hard for him. Want this to last. =))
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Paranoia
Sometimes I get frightened by silence because I don't know what the other person is thinking. When I am unhappy or have thoughts weighing on my mind, I tend to keep quiet and hence I think that other people would do the same...
Maybe I was mistaken... maybe it's not always the jovial persona that was a fixed structure, like I thought it was, maybe the actual persona is quieter? When emotions have settled, the persona becomes what it originally was. But ain't it a bit fast? What is going on? In this week itself, there seems to have been changes which have been rather drastic. I guess this is the first time I saw the jovial persona as quieter? Hmmmm...
Thoughts run through my head.... what if, like what I fear the most, the person's feelings for me are dying out? Hmmmm.... why is it always such, as I learn to love the person more, the person pulls away? Or seems to pull away? Is this my paranoia? Someone please let me know the truth....
Maybe I was mistaken... maybe it's not always the jovial persona that was a fixed structure, like I thought it was, maybe the actual persona is quieter? When emotions have settled, the persona becomes what it originally was. But ain't it a bit fast? What is going on? In this week itself, there seems to have been changes which have been rather drastic. I guess this is the first time I saw the jovial persona as quieter? Hmmmm...
Thoughts run through my head.... what if, like what I fear the most, the person's feelings for me are dying out? Hmmmm.... why is it always such, as I learn to love the person more, the person pulls away? Or seems to pull away? Is this my paranoia? Someone please let me know the truth....
Friday, 12 November 2010
Today I went to the Chinese Tie Da doctor.... my right foot's outer two bones keep getting out of alignment and I am not to do exercise to aggravate it for 1 month.... Means... NO MUAY THAI!!! =((((( This is the saddest shit ever!!! Coupled with the fact that I can't hear, have a horrid cough and stuffed nose!!!
The only good thing that happened today was that Darling Rayray came to take me out. He drove down from home after his reservice to fetch me from school~
We went to Far East to have dinner (chiken rice) and then drove, or rather stressed, our way through the jam to get to the Singapore Flyer =)) Had a coughing fit in the flyer though >.< and Darling decided to take me to the doctor. So we went down to Clementi Ave 3 area to the Q & M 24hr clinic hahaa.... Darling treats me well, taking it as his responsibility =)) And he sure is responsible =))
Saw a senior at Clementi and for awhile I was rather anxious because I wouldn't know if J was going to be there... but... didn't see him and all and Ray was with me all the way so it's cool.
Things were rather quiet today... I really couldn't hear well and so I wasn't exactly in a spectacular mood... Fear and insecurities keep coming into my mind... What if I was boring him? We didn't talk much in the car, nor did we talk much in the flyer... >.< will that make him feel like we do no have common topics? I read somewhere that couples need not stress themselves over a need to have similarities and all because what's important is that they love each other and differences can be fuel to the sparks between them because who would want to stick with someone just like them, it's like dating yourself... LOL But still.... I'm afraid that he finds me boring and in the end... what if I am just another responsibility to him?
I really do love him... these negative thoughts... must be PMS or something... I really hope he doesn't feel that way about me. I really wanna jut accept it when he tells me he loves me... But I'm scared.... what if...? =((
Mel you must be stronger... if you really love him you have to work for it... no point mopping around. Time to fan the flames because in a relationship it takes two hands to clap and two hands to keep the flames between them roaring =))
The only good thing that happened today was that Darling Rayray came to take me out. He drove down from home after his reservice to fetch me from school~
We went to Far East to have dinner (chiken rice) and then drove, or rather stressed, our way through the jam to get to the Singapore Flyer =)) Had a coughing fit in the flyer though >.< and Darling decided to take me to the doctor. So we went down to Clementi Ave 3 area to the Q & M 24hr clinic hahaa.... Darling treats me well, taking it as his responsibility =)) And he sure is responsible =))
Saw a senior at Clementi and for awhile I was rather anxious because I wouldn't know if J was going to be there... but... didn't see him and all and Ray was with me all the way so it's cool.
Things were rather quiet today... I really couldn't hear well and so I wasn't exactly in a spectacular mood... Fear and insecurities keep coming into my mind... What if I was boring him? We didn't talk much in the car, nor did we talk much in the flyer... >.< will that make him feel like we do no have common topics? I read somewhere that couples need not stress themselves over a need to have similarities and all because what's important is that they love each other and differences can be fuel to the sparks between them because who would want to stick with someone just like them, it's like dating yourself... LOL But still.... I'm afraid that he finds me boring and in the end... what if I am just another responsibility to him?
I really do love him... these negative thoughts... must be PMS or something... I really hope he doesn't feel that way about me. I really wanna jut accept it when he tells me he loves me... But I'm scared.... what if...? =((
Mel you must be stronger... if you really love him you have to work for it... no point mopping around. Time to fan the flames because in a relationship it takes two hands to clap and two hands to keep the flames between them roaring =))
Thursday, 11 November 2010
It's been quite a long time since I last heard that someone will be there for me backing me up, helping me reach my goals, and being my pillar of support. =)) Thankies darling =)) Miss him so much even though it's only been a day of not seeing him. But then again I am happy we both have lives outside of our world. I read somewhere that it is healthier when two people have their own lives to fall back on but when the both of them are together they should make the best out of the time they have with each other =)) I guess it's true =)) I really can't wait to see darling again =)) wheesss and talking to him on the web cam is sweeeeeeeeeeet =)) he really looks so handsome in all angles =)) heehee~~
Thought I was stronger than this...
OMG... I thought I was stronger than this.... argh the first few times when I saw the pics I thought they were cute together but after awhile I think a wall caved in... -.-... gey kiang.... idiot la.... even doing 10 push ups also cannot calm me down this spam typing is the only way I can calm myself down....MEL CAN YOU PLEASE PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER???
Don't even know why I feel this way... annoying... it's not like last time where I feel I'm not as pretty or what... ok there is still this part which makes me feel this way but there is this emotion that I don't know how to explain... Other than buay song.... seriously also dunno whyyyy arrrrggghhh Tomorrow I'm going to murder the punching gears >.<
Don't even know why I feel this way... annoying... it's not like last time where I feel I'm not as pretty or what... ok there is still this part which makes me feel this way but there is this emotion that I don't know how to explain... Other than buay song.... seriously also dunno whyyyy arrrrggghhh Tomorrow I'm going to murder the punching gears >.<
Your Love Is My Drug =))
Maybe i need some rehab
or maybe just need some sleep
I got a sick obsession
I'm seein it in my dreams
I'm lookin down every alley
i'm makin those desperate calls
i'm stayin up all night hopin hitin my head against the wall
what you got boy, is hard to find
i think about it all the time
im all strung out my heart is fried
i just cant get you off my mind!
because your love your love Your Love Is My Drug
your love your love your love
your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
wont listen to any advice
mommas tellin me i should think twice
but look into my own devices, im addicted its a crisis
my friends think ive gone crazy
my judgments gettin kinda hazy
My esteem is gonna be affected if i keep it up like a love sick crack head
what you got boy, is hard to find
i think about it all the time
im all strung out my heart is fried
i just cant get you off my mind!
because your love your love your love is my drug
[ Your Love Is My Drug lyrics from
http://www.lyricsyoulove.com/k/kesha/love_is_my_drug/ ]
your love your love your love
your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
i dont care what people say
the rush is worth the price i pay
i get so high when your with me
but crash and crave you when you leave
hey, so i got a question
do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement'
do i make your heart beat like an 808 drum
is my love your drug' your drug'
hi, your drug'
hi, your drug'
is my love your drug'
because your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
because your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
hey, heyy, sooo
you love, your love your love, is my drug
or maybe just need some sleep
I got a sick obsession
I'm seein it in my dreams
I'm lookin down every alley
i'm makin those desperate calls
i'm stayin up all night hopin hitin my head against the wall
what you got boy, is hard to find
i think about it all the time
im all strung out my heart is fried
i just cant get you off my mind!
because your love your love Your Love Is My Drug
your love your love your love
your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
wont listen to any advice
mommas tellin me i should think twice
but look into my own devices, im addicted its a crisis
my friends think ive gone crazy
my judgments gettin kinda hazy
My esteem is gonna be affected if i keep it up like a love sick crack head
what you got boy, is hard to find
i think about it all the time
im all strung out my heart is fried
i just cant get you off my mind!
because your love your love your love is my drug
[ Your Love Is My Drug lyrics from
http://www.lyricsyoulove.com/k/kesha/love_is_my_drug/ ]
your love your love your love
your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
i dont care what people say
the rush is worth the price i pay
i get so high when your with me
but crash and crave you when you leave
hey, so i got a question
do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement'
do i make your heart beat like an 808 drum
is my love your drug' your drug'
hi, your drug'
hi, your drug'
is my love your drug'
because your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
because your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
your love your love your love is my drug
your love your love your love
hey, heyy, sooo
you love, your love your love, is my drug
Why my boyfriend is so awesome
The list is not exhaustable.
1) He says the sweetest things
2) He always tries to reassure me
3) Whenever I need him he'll be there
4) He's willing to make a lot of sacrifices for me
5) He's HAWT behind the wheel
6) He's my best Econs tutor ever!
7) He's cool with respecting my freedom
8) He encourages me to strengthen my family ties
9) He dares to tell me he misses me
10)He bothers about what I tell him
11)He's ok with holding hands any way I like it
12)He's ok with holding my bag
13)He cares for me when I'm sick
14)He tells me to study
15)He dares to be exclusive
16)He untagged himself in couple shots with his ex even when I didn't tell him to cos he cared
17)He tells me that I'm pretty =))
18)He reassures me that he will love me long long and that he doesn't want another <3
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
1) He says the sweetest things
2) He always tries to reassure me
3) Whenever I need him he'll be there
4) He's willing to make a lot of sacrifices for me
5) He's HAWT behind the wheel
6) He's my best Econs tutor ever!
7) He's cool with respecting my freedom
8) He encourages me to strengthen my family ties
9) He dares to tell me he misses me
10)He bothers about what I tell him
11)He's ok with holding hands any way I like it
12)He's ok with holding my bag
13)He cares for me when I'm sick
14)He tells me to study
15)He dares to be exclusive
16)He untagged himself in couple shots with his ex even when I didn't tell him to cos he cared
17)He tells me that I'm pretty =))
18)He reassures me that he will love me long long and that he doesn't want another <3
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Pressie from darling =))
Darling just dropped by with a pressie for me <3 Here are some shots I took with it for him =)) haha My darling is really very very nice lor haha Was quite shocked when he asked for the width of my shoulders just now haha
Fits just nice!! Haha... I really need t-shirts hmmm is this an indication that he doesn't like to see me in tank tops? Hahhahaa Will tone up and buy new tops thats for sure!!! =)) Hmmmmm I wanna get something for darling too... but.... hmmmm dunno what.... though I already have something in mind for him this Christmas =P but then again Xmas is sooooooooooo far away.... hmmmm gotta think of something!!!
Fits just nice!! Haha... I really need t-shirts hmmm is this an indication that he doesn't like to see me in tank tops? Hahhahaa Will tone up and buy new tops thats for sure!!! =)) Hmmmmm I wanna get something for darling too... but.... hmmmm dunno what.... though I already have something in mind for him this Christmas =P but then again Xmas is sooooooooooo far away.... hmmmm gotta think of something!!!
Cough Cough.... I'm with Ray..... PERIOD!
Aaaawww when will my cough go away??? Was coughing throughout lecture today... Am kinda pissed of at how some people keep telling me "You're too fast la", "What about the other guy you said was too fast?", "You say one thing, do another", "Thought you don't want to get into a relationship le?", "You met him in a club????", "You shouldn't have put the change on facebook so fast, what if..." and so on and SO FORTH!!!
What the #$%^ seriously!!??
Firstly, what's up with the too fast?? I was over my ex the night he dumped me.
What about the other guy? I just don't feel the same for him that I feel for Ray.
I say one thing then do another? Exactly what did I say?? That I won't get together with Ray??
Thought I don't want arelationship? I did say that but I hadn't met anyone worth going into a r/s at that point in time now did I?? So I wasn't going to rush into go looking for one!
Yes I met him where the music flows. So what?? We didn't get together in the club!! It's like friends bringing a friend to the beach for an outing and you meet the only difference is the place. It's not like he's a lone wolf going fishing in the club and I happen to meet him wth..
And about the relationship status, it was a mutual agreement. If the people who were talking about it was thinking that by doing so I would hurt my ex or whoever who had an interest, I really have no idea why they would even bother caring about the past of someone else?? And what's there to fear man??? A friend told me what if I don't last long in this r/s and I have to change the status back? Hello, I don't enter a relationship with an end point in sight. When I go in the time limit will be eternity. I want to be with Ray all the way and I DO mean ALL THE WAY everyone get the picture?? So no I DON'T CARE about all these!!
I just feel I have to write everything out because I keep repeating stuff here and there and it get sickening and tiresome!!! I'm with Ray! PERIOD! So either be happy for me and support me if you're a friend or suck it up if you're not. Snide remarks will not be tolerated and NO ONE is going to put doubts in my head. Not now not ever!!
~Loving my awesome to the skies boyfriend~
What the #$%^ seriously!!??
Firstly, what's up with the too fast?? I was over my ex the night he dumped me.
What about the other guy? I just don't feel the same for him that I feel for Ray.
I say one thing then do another? Exactly what did I say?? That I won't get together with Ray??
Thought I don't want arelationship? I did say that but I hadn't met anyone worth going into a r/s at that point in time now did I?? So I wasn't going to rush into go looking for one!
Yes I met him where the music flows. So what?? We didn't get together in the club!! It's like friends bringing a friend to the beach for an outing and you meet the only difference is the place. It's not like he's a lone wolf going fishing in the club and I happen to meet him wth..
And about the relationship status, it was a mutual agreement. If the people who were talking about it was thinking that by doing so I would hurt my ex or whoever who had an interest, I really have no idea why they would even bother caring about the past of someone else?? And what's there to fear man??? A friend told me what if I don't last long in this r/s and I have to change the status back? Hello, I don't enter a relationship with an end point in sight. When I go in the time limit will be eternity. I want to be with Ray all the way and I DO mean ALL THE WAY everyone get the picture?? So no I DON'T CARE about all these!!
I just feel I have to write everything out because I keep repeating stuff here and there and it get sickening and tiresome!!! I'm with Ray! PERIOD! So either be happy for me and support me if you're a friend or suck it up if you're not. Snide remarks will not be tolerated and NO ONE is going to put doubts in my head. Not now not ever!!
~Loving my awesome to the skies boyfriend~
JackAss 3D with Darling RayRay
Darling took me to watch JackAss 3D today!!! Got in even though it's R21 =)) wore darling's jacket in! Darling picked me from One Raffles Link after I had lunch with Jo and Nicole and we went to Shenton Way area for an errand. Went to buy tickets at Vivocity right after and darling ate at Carls Jr while I did an econs question hahahaa =)) Went back to darling's place to get his thumbdrive and darling cooked my instant Ramen LOL he was fretting that I didn't have anything else to go along with it =P but Hey I just love instant noodles what to do hahaha.... went back to vivo for the movie after which darling drove me home. Loved the ride!!! =)) Darling keeps wowwing me with everything he does =)) and his driving is definitely superb haha =) Wanna take more pictures with darling soon!!!!
~Loving my super cool and hawt and nice and sweet and awesome boyfriend~
~Loving my super cool and hawt and nice and sweet and awesome boyfriend~
Monday, 8 November 2010
Loving my Ray of sunshine
I know I said no more whirlwind. But when things happen, they happen =)) And no I do not believe in love at first sight... until now =)) We-ell it wasn't even love at first sight but it was an attraction that led to oomph feelings =)) Some people might be skeptical. Others might be like omfg. There might be others who think that I'm a bitch. But hey people, shit happens and it ain't happening to me. I know I'm gushing but.... I haven't had someone make me feel this way in a long long time =)) And definitely no one who makes me feel this special =))
Is this impulsive? It definitely is. But Mel has never been impulsive and regretted it cos I always know what I want when I do it on impulse anyways. Haha =)) Feeling waaaaay too happy =))
Is this impulsive? It definitely is. But Mel has never been impulsive and regretted it cos I always know what I want when I do it on impulse anyways. Haha =)) Feeling waaaaay too happy =))
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Butter Factory < 3
Went to butter last night with Simon, Ray, Jeremy and guest appearence of both Eds hahahaa.... S's car is uber cool la... I was expecting a preleude to the club in his car but what we got wcould have the club if there was space mann hahahah His music choices rule! Met Rey there and we walked ALL THE WAY from One Fullerton to Lau Pa Sat for me to draw $$ -.- lol I was in HEELS lol but it's okie. Went back in time to meet Jeremy and we managed to get in even though I was underaged... They checked Jeremy, ironically, even though he was the oldest among us hahaa and woots we got in, opening a bottle of Chivas =)) the music started slowly though but I loved the Raggae beat; that really got me going. As usual, S wowed with his moves and then his 'shifu' came down too hahhaha nice shuffling mann. Ray and Jeremy weren't bad themselves. =)) The Eds came over and we drank a bit then we we seperated and went to the dance floor. Ray was real nice haha what you would call a club gentleman haha. Some others can't dance very well and all haha... Argh I thought it would be hard juggling this many guys in the group but the three guys were fine, though some other people felt left out. Hmmm I look forward to clubbing with them again maybe ZoukOut heehee dunno if they will let a noob like me enter with them man hahaha ah wells will see how bah =))
Friday, 5 November 2010
Muay Thai XV
Today I didn't do much due to injury however, we did learn some grappling tricks from trainer R. Basically a lot of losing balance and tilting one elbow up and swinging down on the other side. Kneeing was also done lol... Was more focused on the collection of cake. Today is Russell's Bday so we decided to celebrate the birthday of the babies of the three months term hahahhaa wheeeeeeeeees can't wait for Sunday training!!! =)) I so miss it. Have been dieting of late, cutting down my meals and all to compensate for the lack of exercise. =))
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
A special trip to the doctor's
I went to the doctor's today. This is the first time I went to the doctors WITHOUT my parents. They're angry at me again so they are not going to bring me. Instead of waiting and letting my foot go crooked like I did the last time I took things into my own hands and I went by myself. Well... not entirely by myself. A friend went with me. H was real nice! I didn't know the first time we would meet would be him fetching me to the doctors LOL... The doctor set my foot quite well. Itwas crooked at the last two toes before but now it's alright =)) We went for lunch at AMK hub =)) Had Subway and the healthy him had the chicken breast while I had the unhealthy Italian BMT LOL.... Was about to see him off for his gym and go meet E but in the end he went with me to Plaza Sing where we walked and I dunno how but we wandered all the way to Cathay where we watched The Last Exorcism... Yes I caught it again... -.- LOL but it was nice.... a different feeling... I've not felt so at ease at the movies with a guy for a LONG now and this was a nice change. I missed that feeling... the feeling that you didn't have to care about anything and just watch the show....that an arm would be there when you're scared or that a hand will be on your knee to comfort you, yet you didn't HAVE to do anything else. I liked that type of feeling.... I miss it... that feeling is.....like.... safe.... I felt safe.... I haven't felt that way in a long time....
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