A degenerate

Yupp that's what my folks called me... reason being that my grades started to go down after primary 6... LOL so it didn't matter to them that I was a top fencer in my school, didn't matter that their daughter could have gone into national team (a chance they took away from me), didn't matter I did not take drugs or smoke or join a gang or had multiple abortions or went emo and cut myself repeatedly, it didn't matter that my O lvls weren't that bad thatI could have gone to CJC but I decided to stay in SRJC, and though my H2 subjects sucked it didn't matter that I topped my cohort for GP and aced my Lit paper.

ALL IN ALL This whole period of time I've been degenerating into what they see as a failure. Riiiiiiiiiight... the failure who used to scream at them when she quarrelled with them when she was younger to a failure who talked sense and refrained from antagonistic words... wait... wasn't that an improvement in character?? Not to them, it wasn't!! Kinda feel they have degenerated... last time they talked sense and reasoned with me but now they scream at me, threaten to physically assault me, physically assault me, and play on three main themes; I am unfillial, rude and always blame them for everything. When I reason with them and they have nothing to counter they will use one of the themes... Degenerative is it not? When for every action I come up with a reason they cannot dispute, they use 'em... naisely done...

When I was in secondary school, I was so hurt that I did think of running away.. I didn't have anybody to turn to and they knew it... I had no choice. They still think the same today... I will work and pay my way to rent a room if I had to!! I know darling says he'll be there for me but at the end of the day he wouldn't want me to run away from home... Honestly, many people might be thinking "Mel this is what ignorant teens do" and my reply is "Exactly, it's what I didn't do but should have done." What I didn't do wasn't appreciated at all anyway. And me running away is not to spite my parents... it's to literally GET AWAY FROM THEM.

I stayed out last night because the thought, even the mere THOUGHT of opening the door into this house makes me feel so uncomfortable so sad so distraught... I am NOT exaggerating... my room is fine... it's my sanctuary. But the idea of returning to this HOUSE. It irks me... I want to get away from the woman who scolds her maids daily for very minute things and who now transfers all her displeasures to me now that we do not have a maid. Why was it I was good friends with my maids was because I know how they felt to be scolded everyday... and now I am baring the brunt of the scoldings... It's an emotional nightmare. One may say she just scold you because you never take out the trash. But imagine these little things are rattled at you throughout the day and you take and take and when you finally explode, all hell breaks lose because she says you show her attitude and was rude to her -.-

When the father comes out, you don't even have to bother to talk. Nothing can get through his thick skull because everything he thinks is apparently the only right thing in this world. He has always been like this even in business... He thinks he knows everything and discounts everything you say to him no matter how logical. This year itself, his insult vocabulary has greatly increase and I have been the tester of his "amazing vocabulary"... wow... I love muay thai for it teaches me how to block in case some nincompoop like him decides to throw a punch at me. I won't beat my parents, but everyone has a trigger point. The day that they tell me to get out of the house or the day that they hit me will be the day I leave this hell hole...

Make your move...