Day 8

Haha wet to play badminton with Audrey in the afternoon. I actually broke the strings on her racket and for some time we were both trying to fix it to play. In the end this coach lent us his racket hahaa and we had an intensive 45min of badminton. Haha.... don't know why I feel so tired and hungry today. Maybe its because I woke up at 5 am because of my blocked nose LOL oh wells... wanted to run after badminton but I was really too tired... am supposed to do POA now but.... nah don't think I'll do it.... I feel v v sian.... thank god I'm meeting Jo and Siting tmw hahaha

Day 7

Eight World Wonder

Woke up early this mornin'
Made my coffee like I always do
Then it hit me from nowhere
Everything I feel about me and you
The way you kiss me crazy
Baby, you're so amazing

Seven days and seven nights of thunder
The water's rising and I'm slipping under
I think I fell in love with the
eighth world wonder
yeah, yeah, yeaahhh

I guess that I'm just falling
Deeper into something I've never known yeah
But the way that I'm feeling
Makes me realize that it can't be wrong
Your love's like a summer rain
Washing my doubts away

Seven days and seven nights of thunder
The water's rising and I'm slipping under
I think I fell in love with the
eighth world wonder
yeah, yeah, yeaahhh

It's only been a week but
It's coming over me
It's making me believe that
You're the one for meee
yeah, yeaahhh, oh oh, ooooh
oh oh ah, yeaahh, yeah

Seven days and seven nights of thunder
The water's rising and I'm slipping under
I think I fell in love with the
eighth world wonder
yeaahh, yeaahh, yeah

Seven days and seven nights of thunder
The water's rising and I'm slipping under
I think I fell in love with the
eighth world wonder
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeaahhh

Seven days and seven nights of thunder
The water's rising and I'm slipping under
I think I fell in love with the
eighth world wonder
yeah, yeaahh ee yeaahhh

Seven days and seven nights of thunder
The water's rising and I'm slipping under
I think I fell in love with the
eighth world wonder
(hey yeaahhh, in looove)

Hey yeah, hey oh oh, ooohh, yeaahhh




Haix only did 4Km today... dunno why feel so shagged hahaha have to take a break from running? Hahaha tmw BADMINTON =))

Day 5 n Day 6

Hmmm Can't really remember what happened on day 5... OH YES! Haha I remember why I was so busy. In the morning I woke up and had to help my dad take down my room's cabinet so that we can move the one in the study room to my room haha half way through, mother decided we could actually keep two parts of the cabinet and need not shift the big one over -.- by then I was already late for meeting PJ, Merv, Elaine, Dennis and Leonard for Sentosa... so yupp I was a good girl and when finally everything was over, I went down to Palawan beach where I met them near the lifeguard post haha... had fun tanning and playing frisbee. The water was disgusting though!! Lotsa seaweed.... ugh hahaa... ah wells, got a chance to wear my red bikinitop though and tried to tan my oh-so-reflective-and-white belly haaha... the place was swarming with Ah Tiongs ong.... can't stand them hahaa.... well we went to ahve a shower and Elaine forgot to bring her *&^ LOL so everyone was shouting in the toilet "Who forgot to bring her %^&??" LOL those Indians are such good fun =)) hmmmm so PJ and I had to go get her a bikini top though it was too small hahahhaa... we then went to Vivo where we took our time deciding where to eat and finally settled on the Asian Kitchen lol.... we shared xiao long bao, fried banana fritters, Guo Tie and I shared the chilli softshell crab with Leonard. I spammed my bowl of pork chop noodles with chilli Woots hahaha and had red bean milk tea which was shiok. Mann what was wrong with me?! I ate so much. When I came back, I had supper of Hokkien Mee and a chicken wing with my parents hahaha THEN I had some rice crackers while watching some show online O.o FAT!! LOL

Day 6, I woke up and downed three slices of wholemeal bread. Then I went for lapdance class. Gwen was late so I went to get the Bulgolgi and breaded sausage at the Korean store at Bugis hahaha FATTENING AGAIN hahaa the dance was ok though but for the self- choreo part.... nah.... hahaha after that followed Gwen to find her chicken feet which she wanted to eat and we found out that it was suay suay closed for today ahhahahaa so we went opposite for some Kway Chap yumm!! Haha saw a nonya buffet on the way there!! next time must go =)) went there once with family not bad and they have high tea for $7.80++ =)) not bad!! yupp after that came home to zzzz for awhile then joined PJ for a 6km run. I completed 6km non stop yays!!! feels good. Just had dinner of packed rice with parents haha I could get used to this- not home cooked food woots..... (modern-no-time-to-cook people!! yooo fooo!!) hahaa Wells... guess am just waiting for darl to get back I so so SO miss him =((

Day 4

5:33 PM

Nothing much to do at home. Initially wanted to head down to play badminton with Yetyong and Cheryl but the courts were fully booked. Ah wells I'll stay at home and be a good girl so I can go sentosa with PJ they all tmw. Slept and slept and slept hahaha had two wholemeal bread slices, scrambled eggs and a banana for breakfast and just had a slice of wholemeal bread with a cup of milo hahaha going to run in a bit the sun is too blardy hot now... haha hope to chat with Darling again tonight... =))

Day 3

1:26 AM
Can't sleep.... keep thinking of darling.... time seems to pass real slowly and although I try to pack my days with lots of activities, I miss simple things from him like an SMS or a talk on the phone... True I still recieve his e-mail but... How to last till next Fri... =(( running with PJ and Joshua later at 9am and prob meeting Aud at 1pm for badminton but.... I still miss him =((

5:25 PM of Day 4
Didn't have a chance to type out what I did on Day three. In the morning PJ and Joshua and I met at 10am. Later than we had originally planned haha and the sun was scorching so we had to move on to the gym for our workout. I did the step machine and the cycling machine and after that we ended the session. In the gym I'd wanted to answer Darling's email but the thing was my Itouch is kinda screwy and it couldn't send through.... mann it sucked to know that you typed a long message and he's probably waiting for your reply but you can't send it through. Anyways, went to compasspoint for lunch where I had this spicy sour noodle thingy from the Kopitiam. Then I, against the better judgement of my horoscope, went to buy something on impulse: True Singapore Ghost Story hahaha hmmm well I was bored and the book kept me company through lunch =)) Met Audrey and played two hours of badminton hahaa some RJC guys were in a court next to ours talking fencing speak hahahaha anyways.... after that I decided to go with Audrey to her class BBQ at Downtown East. We too bus 89 and headed there each reading our own books. After getting there we found that the people were not starting the fire at all and were in fact bowling so she just paid for the place and we left for some food as she hadn't had her lunch yet. We both shared a KFC buddy meal hahaa Thighs rib and drum hahhaa then I went home, rushed home in fact, wanting to be back by dinner. Only to realsie mother was not at home and there was no dinner to be had. Father said he'd settle his own dinner. Fine. In the end he bought Satay and I had some with him. Oh and he said I shouldn't watch too much TV and be on the internet.... Right I am so the 8 yr old kid in the house... hahahhaa
YAY managed to talk to darling last night via facebook chat but it was kinda slow.... glad to see he's enjoying the holiday =)) miss miss MISS him =((

Day 2

9:00 PM
Just got home after watching Storm Warriors with WeiYi, Gwen, JianMing and his irl and Joshua =)) Feet are totlly killing me haha blame myself for the heels hahahaa ah wells. Today was an ok day. Went to Island creamery with PJ Merv Joshua Elaine Geraldine and Leonard. Haha Joshua and I shared a mud pie and a scoop of Chocolate Peanut butter Ice Cream. The rest shared two pints- Revers-o and Nuttella hahaha hmmmm it was ok lars.... ice cream lunch hahaha anyways, we later went to town, Tangs to be exact shopped a bit =)) haha happy with my buy. The rest got WY's pressie and all haha then Joshua and I left to go meet WY Gwen JianMing and his GF for movie. Haha went to Plaza Sing to look for WY and JM who were both shooting hoops at the arcade. I myself went to play some drums and some guitar thingy hahaha. We then headed to Cine cos of the timings of the movie. We originally wanted to watch Mulan but ah wells Hey Storm Raiders have been on my list for a long time and since there are sneaks why not? hahaha the guys went to buy tickets while I ate beef kway teow at the Koufu at Cine. Joshua and JM came to pinch some of it hahahaha. Storm Raiders is ok lar... very loud though haha and lacking a story line but hey it's shiok just to watch Aaron Kwok, Ekin and Nicholas Tse fight it out haha after the movie we went for KFC. Had popcorn chicken and coleslaw and all hahah hmmm then we left =))

I AM TOTALLY MISSING MY DARLING!!!!! Can't really sleep. Keep checking my facebook for his messages.... haix haix HAIX =((

10:25PM
OMG like my mother just came into the room to scold me about my jeans being on the floor instead of the laundry.... hmmm there is something called gravity and sometimes the jeans fall off the pile of clothes you know... ya tell me you slogged the whole day and you don't know what I have against you.... more like what do you have against me??? Hmmmmm she scolded me because she said she didn't believe I had a study group because I wore "4 inch high" heels (get the facts right woman they're like perhaps only 3 inches?) anyways whats the crime of me going to school looking good and puh-lese if I did plan to go out would I wear heels that are hard to walk in shessh... today's outing was like unplanned. True I lied about the study group but her excuse is more of like a desperate attempt to find something to scold me for hahaha pathetic haha

Day 1

Last talked to darling in the morning around 6:45. He was just about to board his plane. I had woken up earlier at 5:00 and I drifted in and out of sleep till the alarm. Had like a dream involving darling, his dad, and I think Wei xiong hahaha. Kinda forgot what happened haha... Oh well anyways, now I have to try to go to bed without first hearing darling's voice at night... Not something I am looking forward to... Haha darling come back ~~

3:27
Hmmm just saw on facebook that he landed in Tokyo le. Mannn I wanna go Japan!!! Haha.... bet it's nice there now.... ah wells, I'll go there some other time =)) Shagged but don't wanna sleep. Later still must run with Joshua.... hmmmm think I'm gonna do a 2km first then run another 6km with him hahaha well I'm serious about toning up and all that =)) really am motivated and I really want to get fit again =))

10:59
Yupp he had dinner =)) omg am sooo missing him... didn't have a good run... tired out too fast haha guess I ain't fit enough. Ah wells tomorrow is gonna be a "huh??" day. First POA then dunno if the peeps are studying or watching New Moon or Mulan or what hmmm Ugh had a lil tummy upset I think... must have been something I ate (duh). Hmmm gonna sleep early tonight T.T no darling to talk to haha ah wells, looking forward to next Friday =))

Sakae and Mac Ritchie with darling

Woots

NAME: JEROME TONG
EVENT: Full Marathon
DATE: December 6th, 2009
BIB/DIV: 23214 / M2024
TIME: 5h:19m:59s (gun) / 5h:17m:56s (net)

Result in Entire Field - 4063rd place
10192 finishers behind. About 28% of finishers ahead.


Result in Gender (Men) - 3530th place
8555 finishers behind. About 29% of finishers ahead.


Result in Division (M2024) - 453rd place
2269 finishers behind. About 17% of finishers ahead.

My New Year's Resolution

1) National Vertical Marathon
2) Sundown 21Km
3) Nike Human Race 10Km
4) Standard Chartered 21Km
(All with Jerome =)))
5) Have my weight drop to be in the 50KGs
6) Take up dance lessons (PCD etc...)

BBQ and Manhatten Fish Market

Wow met Yy Cheryl Shujia Marie Huiling and gang for the first time in like 3 years haha... had a bbq at labrador park with them hahaa.... met them at vivomart with darling first then headed down to the park via cab =)) the bbq was kinda spoilt because of the rain la but other than that... we managed to get the fire going after some time =)) whees Shujia's spaghetti and the potato chips saved us all I guess. =)) darl and I and another guy started the fire and boy did we cook haha... had to leave earlier though as we had to go meet Darl's classmates hahaa... they're nice people la.... but one of them reminded me of someone else.... Haha... he told darl that it was normal for him to wanna spend on me and send me home now and all that for the first 3 months but after that.... well I feel he has only himself to blame. He said he spent all his army savings in the first month out of it. Now he has a girlfriend and he can't really make ends meat. Hmmmm who's fault is it la? You don't save, you can't have enough money for yourself. Then you blame the girlfriend. Hmmmm why have a grlfriend when you can't take care of her? Also, he said the reason why he didn't want to send her home was because he was lazy. Right now, darl wants to send me home because he says he wants to spend more time with me. Shouldn't this be the way? My parents think so. But apparently his friend sees it was only a responsibility and even a chore.... reminds you of someone? hahaa was a bit shaken after the encounter but this makes me trust and treasure darling more because I know he's nothing like that =)) he's proven time and again he is nothing like these kind of guys and I will trust him now =)) guess I've found the One =))

The Couple Who Never Went Home

There was once a young man and a young lady who met and fell deeply in love. Both pined for each other often and when they were together, neither let the other out of their sight. When they were apart, the air was filled with their sighs and inevitably, one of their many sighs will travel the winds to find the ears of the other and it will bring a short-lived smile to the other's lips, before letting them plunge back into downturned lips as they thought of how the other was not by their side to whisper those sighs directly to their ears.
One day, as the young man was walking his lady home, the lady was struck by an idea. "Why not let me send you home this time round, my love?" she asked. "I do get so worried when you make your own way home after leaving me safe and sound at my place." To this the young gent replied, "But after you have sent me home, I will worry that you will meet with trouble on the way back yourself." Each was as stubborn as the next and so the young lady changed her course to send the man home. At his door step, the young man found that he could not bear to see his lady go back on her own and insisted on walking her home. And so to and fro they went, each determined not to go home until having sent the other back safely. And till this day, they are still going to and fro, to and fro, and how happy they are =))

WARPED STORY hahahahaa

24/ 11/ 2009

This day was Darl's and my first month =)) interesting eh. The date is just one day before... I guess it is fated. If Last Christmas eve had been spent with Jerome, maybe 24/12/2009 would have been our first year's anniversary. But hey, I give thanks to the Lord for giving him to me, even though it is almost a year late? hahaha... On our monthsary, darling actually suprised me by getting Saw VI tickets before coming to school to fetch me =)) He really backs his words with actions and I was taken aback. The night before we still had a small squabble as to where to go for celebration haha... we had lunch at the KFC house on the way to his place. Let me side track a bit. After lunch, mother called and was a total bitch about asking me to go back to walk the dog just because i emphasised jokingly that I was at Lakeside... haha... you know how my mother gets me down. But Darling was so sweet. He didn't get angry that I was angry. He was so nice and in the end I calmed down. =)) I'm so blessed to have him =)) we went to Sheng Shiong to get drinks haha yoghurt drinks to be exact haha and we remeniscented about the biscuits in the tins outside as we spotted a few we used to eat after training hahaa went over to his place first where he downloaded Left4Dead2 for me on my lappy and played abit... in the end we were late for the movie and missed the first few parts. My temper flared again but hey how can it stay up with Darling around being so nice to me? =)) we watched SAW, totally grossed ourselves out and then had dinner at the Billy Bombers right at Cine =)) that was the place where I had my first "date" with him so to speak haha when he fed me waffles and ice cream haha... we each had a burger I think he got something called the All-Star and I had one that had 3 types of chilli in it haha (typical me!! I also doused it in tobasco haha) then we exchanged our movie passes for a chocolate milkshake and chocolate ice cream with waffles haha =)) almost exactly like the last time =)) then a lil squabble occured but then, as I said, I can't be mad at him for long, I just love him too much. The night ended beautifully =)) And I know that I love him and that he loves me just as much or maybe even more. <3 I don't want to ever lose him. He's my life, my Romeo... and hey, this Juliet only has one Romeo =))

Selfishness

Hmmmm am I being very selfish to not want him to stay in the hostel? I don't know... I'm scared he'll change. Alright maybe for Aaron he didn't change, his true nature just emerged haha.... but for Darling... I really can't bare to lose him; I can't bear to see him change from who he is now to some one like... someone else. I know Darl wants to experience hostel life and all that but, even though I try I can't be like last time and act like I'm fine with everything.

Somehow for Darl, I can't help but be honest and tell him exactly how I feel. I don't want to hide anything from him just so I can "Make him happy" so to speak. DOing that is wrong I figure because it totally breaches the terms of being honest with each other. If the other person can't even take how you feel, then there is no point in being together. And somehow, I don't fear his being angry with me or reprimanding me because of how I feel, I feel free that I can tell him. Only that sometimes, when I do, I feel bad because I feel like I'm being selfish... I can't shake off the "I rather you be happy and I unhappy rather than both of us being unhappy" feeling... and I know it's not right... but...

I really don't want to lose him... had a dream, a bad one, where I lost him. And for the first time in a dream I was praying so ferverently... I've never felt so scared to lose someone. the only other dream that came close was one in which I lost my mother (that was last time). I never want to have that feeling ever again... I don't think I can survive it. I want to know what love is, and I know he can show me =))

Mariah Carey- I Want To know What Love Is

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when Im older

Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
I through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life theres been heartache and pain
I dont know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

Im gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
Ive got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life theres been heartache and pain

I dont know if I can face it again
I cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me

Lets talk about love
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside
I want you to show me, and Im feeling so much love
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide
I know you can show me, yeah

I wanna know what love is, lets talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is...

JM and Leonard were talking to me this morning after dodgeball.... well yeah.... I've finally sorted out my thoughts haha but argh I feel that my actions have set a course that is already set in motion.... can I stop it before it takes the track which I've down before? Hopefully.... Doesn't really matter anymore now does it? Role reversal time.... However, I will not wait until I lose someone to feel bitter about it and all so.... yupp Will just take things from here and work and hope for the best then...

The GIANT YANKEE BURGER

HAHA yesterday Jerome and I went down to AMK hub for lunch. We went down to New York New York and finally tried the Giant Yankee Burger between the two of us haha.... woots!!! for those of you who have tried it you know its BIG haha... the last time I ate it, I shared it with three other friends. Actually, what killed me was the fries haha it was like a whole ring of fries surrounding that burger mann hahaa... thank goodness I did an hour of dance work out that night plus somemore in the shower haha.... today I did 6km and I'm planning to dance again later hahahaha ~

Today Darl got me a potted orchid =)) Gonna have to take good good care of it =)) haha these past two days, been to his house. His two dogs are UBER CUTE hahahaha and they seem to be okies with me yay!! haha went to his place on Tuesday and he helped me downlad L4D on my lappy hahahaha had my fav Spicy Ramyeon Instand Noodles at my request whees hahahaa yay big big comfort food hahaa.... after it all we went to Jurong Point to have Long John Silvers hahahaa yay fattening sia hahahaaa. Well today we could play left4dead but we only played awhile,... had like not very good nasi lemak and Meiji milk. Hhahahaa well I like the strawberry one and he likes the chocolate one so heehee =)) gonna exercise with him tmw hahaha according to him two love birds on the track hahhahaaha hope he won't run too fast... hahaha =))

I had like some weird dreams last night. Haha four in total I think... one was me buying a car.... was looking around and then I saw this price tag of 6000 on a mpv and I was like that's ex lol wonder if it was in Euro or something haha.... then it changed to like me at hougang stadium jogging and then these two guys ran pass and splashed water on me from a puddle like omg.... can't remember the other two though... though I'm sure one involved Jerome and another involved PJ lol.... ugh.... can't concentrate on my IBM assignment though sitting in a bra and FBT is so not doing homework attire lol.... mother's ignoring me again... like that is anything out of the ordinary haha.... was fretting on what type of bikini to get for my small boobies.... I so wanted to get that white halter neck but ah wells guess I'll settle with my old one and get the skirt bottom from sheer romance =)) haha... I so wanna have the Bod of like one of the PCDs. Yup hey have tummies but they still look good. Didn't run my six KM today and I feel horrid... guess imma gonna do another round of dancing later to make up for it... seems like one dance session ain't enough haha.

Today, Jerome and I went to catch Jennifer's Body.... only because we kw it was impossible to sneak into SAW VI.... true Jerome did suggest we ask some 21 year olds to buy us the tickets but.... ah wells, in the end we walked all the way to Cine for the movie at three plus pm. We had some time before the movie so we went to the Arcade on the 4th floor for some fun... haha both of us went at it at the Rambo machine haha.... mann it's been a long loong time since I last went to the Arcade to play such games haha and yeap it was fun.... though the commando shot better than did hahaha Well, after the movie ended we walked to Plaza Singapura where we got couple rings made.... in advance for our one month or something lol.... it's just an excuse because both of us wanted a couple ring haha.... Jerome was actually thinking of SK jewellery or something haha but yupp we went to the Couple Lab instead... mann the rings were expensive haha... we got the scratch resistent ones and two chains so we could wear them on our necks if we didn't wanna have them on our fingers haha.... we had them engraved with our names on the outside and also our anniversary date on the inside =)) hmmmm looks like we think alike... haha few guys would bother with couple rings.... and even if they did.... some may lose them or spoil them or not take them seriously.... I guess I finally found a guy wh will take them as seriously as I take him =)) <3

OMGGGGGGG CAN'T GO TO NIGHT SAFARI...... CURSE YOU RAINY HEAVENS.... ok a bit the melodramatic... haha J and I are totally stuck at home!!!! Urrrrgh.... somebody saaaaaaaaaave me.... hahaha Oh wells... my throat is totally killing me and its only fair that HE comes to see my parents after the harrowing encounter yesterday muahahahahaa =P Dinner is pasta pasta PASTAAAAA hahaha =)) same as yesterday though today, mummy is cooking so it ought to be good whees~ =)

Hmmmm I really really wanna be friends with him.... but he seems to be pushing me away. Somehow, it's weird but I know I'll smile when he gets back together with her because.... after all that we've been through he still couldn't put his love down so she must mean a lot to him. And I don't know maybe it's the ultimate form of love? When there is no more that type of affection, just wanting the person to be happy? Haha... In the mean time, I've found that I am very happy now and somehow, I'm hoping that he'll be happy for me =)) He'll always be more than a friend.... how can you be just friends after spending 9 months together? But then.... he'll never have the space in my heart that he used to occupy. When I give my heart, I give it all and when I take it back, well.. I take it all back. No residuals or pieces stuck with the other party. Right now, J's my world, my everything. And I will not let any parts of the past affect him and us. I am able to sort my thoughts out rather quickly =)) haha a pat on the shoulder for me.... haha some people might think why is it that she's getting into a relationship so quickly after the first one ended? They can doubt me and all but hey, it's my life and I do have my reasons for it. The past relationship started like how wildfires start: a spark on the dry bush which quickly catches onto the rest of the forest... then... it burns out just as quickly. There was no getting to know you and no history for us. But for J... haha those of you who know me know what history I have with him. LOL and you will know my affections for him were founded quite a time back. I guess God answered my prayers, delayed, because No.1, I did ask for an exciting life, No. 2, Maybe he threw in my way all these distractions because he wanted to show me that when all these fog clears up there is the guy standing there and he'll be the right one? HE works in mysterious ways and one will find it hard and downright impossible to fathom his thoughts. But all in all, I'm thankful for what he has done for me so far. And I hope he will continue... no I know he will continue loving me, as I continue to find my path to him. One day, I'll reach him and when that day comes, I'll be smiling like how he'll be smiling down on me.. =))

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG stressssssed.... I don't remember being so stressed about meeting parents.... mann... WHAT HAPPENED TO THE UNSHAKABLE MEL!!!????!!! haha... especially when I WON'T talk to them much and it should be quick and painless but still...... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh hahaha.... ok I'm just high high high haha

Oh oh oh... I went to the Singapore flyer... haha I think on Monday! Yup cos my tuition kid cancelled tuition and so I had nothing to do and I called Him out for lunch haha... SPONTANEOUS! haha that's my trademark. Haha... so yupp guess he just woke up and all and he came down to meet me at clementi MRT. We headed down to Bugis where we had lunch at some.. Jacks Place franchise... haha... we had seafood!! NOT his fav food at all but oh well he survived the ordeal haha!!! So during lunch one part of the conversation consisted of how they killed birds and rabbits for survival training. Haha Nice meal convo eh? Haha... I guess it'll be nice to Hannibal Lecter hahaa but it was real cool! haha And then I found that I totally didn't like my outfit so we went SHOPPING haha looking for clothes that I can buy and wear at that time. We finally went to City Link where I got this jumpsuit thingy from Hypnosis haha... and since I wasn't wearing a nice bra for the halter.... well I had to go braless hahahahahaa mann it felt weird at first but then doesn't really matter he's big enough to block me if there is a need lol... we wandered around sorta aimlessly and finally he asked if I wanted to go to the flyer... ok I haven't been there and I always thought that big contraption was a helluva waste of tax payers money... but hey... I was with HIM and it's a fairytale evening so why not? =)) so we went there, saw a lot of people they hired to scare us and went to get tickets. Students get to fly for $10 bucks I think lol so yay I helped him save moola!!! haha =)) The 30 mins up there was.... short... time passes so fast when you're with someone you really like haha... there after he sent me home =)) 2 years back I wouldnt even dream of this happening and now... whees =))

The dream I've been dreaming of finally came through

I've finally made up my mind. And I really don't think I'll be regreting it =)) I'm in love. Fast you will say, given that I've just officially broken up roughly a week ago. I guess the Beyonce song Irreplacable really echoes my life now. But then again, this love has been lying hot and burning in the first years to being latent recently because of my relationship with someone else. It has never really gone away. It's just that when I'm with someone, he's my everything and I'll be able to shut out any other feelings I have for anyone else.

I only told my new love that I had feelings for him, only dared to do so, after I was already attached so there was really nothing that either of us could do. Yet here he was, for me, when I broke up, when my heart ached the most. There he was, his arms open, comforting me as I cried the last tears I ever plan to shed for my ex. I mean, what can a guy do when a girl cries? Especially when she is crying over another guy? i find that with him there are no boundaries. I do not fear how he might react and seek to cover up my feelings; there is no suspicion and fear that he may be unfaithful; for once, I am able to trust a guy wholeheartedly. And that just feels really nice =))

Lord thank you for not giving me the courage long ago because if you did whatever that is happening now would never have happened. In the end, you did have your plans to see that I will be happy. Thank you for taking all my cries that you have deserted me. You never did and I'll always be grateful for it =))

Yesterday was the first time in a long time where I had a smile on for.... well such a long time =)) Walking through town with that smile on my face, made me feel reborn, renewed. Haha.... Thank you to all my friends yesterday. You guys made me feel so loved and safe haha... Oh watched Phobia2 again yesterday... mann some people just aren't scared -.- LOL... and after the clean up yesterday, there are no more strings attached to the past. Now, I'm just gonna look ahead to a brighter future =))

Secondhand Serenade- Your Call

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat,
Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
'Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes,
What's your fantasy?

'Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4

I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Haha... after being so emo for some time... feeling sad and unloved and neglected... the feelings are over... let's hope the smses and msn messages I sent him won't affect him.... argh

Is it my own doing?

I do not know what else to think. I shouldn't have taken it to heart... it is after all just a gift... but such a gift... that I had given and he given away. But it's just a gift. It was all the worse when he said that he had tried but still he had disappointed me... He said sorry (didn't stay to comfort but did apologise)... but I rather he said sorry and said that he still loved me and that he was sorry for this and it wouldn't happen again. Silence on the other end of the phone was more frightening than a banshee's shriek. The silence can cut like a knife and can plunge into the heart far better than any dagger can. Silence and saying that there is nothing left to say... what does it mean? That one does not care, nor take this matter to heart for the person to find anything to say? Or what? Maybe I was too impatient and too fast to acknowledge change. Unsure? I am not unsure of us... I am more unsure of how I ca go about supporting him. If he sets his mind to change for the better (like he promised) I will be there. If he doesn't, I shall accept. I guess all I need from him now is his assurance of his love. But maybe I have assured people of my love for them so many times they find no need to assure me of them feeling love for me? Do I appear so strong on the outside?

I really should learn to keep my mouth shut...not rock the boat... I wish it wasn't a dream. I'm scared it is. Right now I want the dream back. That's all...

It all sems like a dream.... you know, those dreams that sometimes are the sweetest you can have then it turns around and becomes a mini nightmare and then everything plays out like a normal dream once again? Yupp... thats what it feels like. There are residuals of the dream in my day to day life now.... and not all of them unpleasant. But one tends to think if these residuals from the dream turn into reality once we are awake or are they merely fragments of the dreams you had and will soon fade away? For some, I don't want them to fade away. For others... I don't mind having them stay? haha but then again, isn't life just one big dream? =))

Hmmm it's been quite some time since I last posted stuff up here... haven't felt well enough to get into the mood to post stuff anywhere... including facebook haha... Yep recently I went for PJ, Elaine and Ger Ng's birthday with the OG19 gang. Hhahahaa well its great to know I was sober for the night eh hahaha,.... not that my alcohol threshhold is THAT bad haha.... Things have been kinda rocky lately.... them insucurities came back topped off with the mood I get into now adays..... I do hope it will pass... to say I put up walls is.... hmmmm may not be so true now... more of like....my new mantra is to- Not expect and you won't get disappointed. Don't have negative thoughts so that there is no reason to blame stuff on yourself for self- prophecies haha.... I think if everyone took this attitude, we would have a l,ot less disappointment in our lives don't you think? It ranges from or grades to our friends and even to our families. Right now I have the idea to live one day at a time. Planning..... I used to plan lotsa things and in the end I don't carry them out and I feel horrid. Whats more, you never know when you're gonna die. What the point of worrying and planning and not being able to enjoy the here and now when the next second you might be... well... dead? Morbid I know but stuff happens and it gets me thinking.... I don't know if I'm afraid of death or if I'm afrad that I won't be able to tell the people I love that I really do love them before I depart. So I guess I'll have to show it more right? hahaa....

Telling me things that I want to hear

And then the wind blows.
The flowers stop their swaying
Just to listen to that-
The gentle call of the wind
That comes sweeping like a scythe
Through the fields.

The wind blows across the sea
And the waves stop their crashing
Just to pick up the whispers
Of the howling wind smashing off
Any found surface, with a
Giant, rough force.

The wind blows into my house
Through the closed windows
Just to let me hear what
I want to hear. And like so,
It's always telling me
Things I want to hear.

Es ist nichts

Es ist nichts Es ist nichts Es ist nichts Es ist nichts
ich bin ganz richtig ich bin ganz richtig ich bin ganz richtig =))

Was watching some animal documentary recently and I found out that this particular lizrd, it's name eludes me now, actually stays faithful to its mate for 20 years there abouts. Amazing huh? haha nature has it's sweet side too =))

Then there is the mother anaconda. She is an amazing creature. When she is heavily pregnant, instead of laying her eggs in the open she carries them inside her an when she warms herself, she uses this warmth from the sun to help incubate her eggs. When the time is rights, she gives birth to live young =)) and then ... she just.... goes away. I mean, her duty is finished right? As long as she gave her all when it mattered it really doesn't matter whether she stays on after her babies are out. haha

Wir werden sehen is all I can say.... maybe the syntax is wrong but yep the meaning sure is there haha. I find that people re hard to please. When they do not have something, they pin for it. When they do, they suspect it and prepare themselves for losing it. When they lose it, they sob and cry but comfort themselves by saying they saw it happen. When they do not lose it they fear that they will. Why can't we as simple as the animals which are either yes or no. Stay or go. Hmmm I wonder... O.o

Few more days

2 weeks more actually. Mann Oct this year will be one hell of an eventful month for me. And let's hope that I don't get a triple whammy with it I guess haha... oh wells... what can I say if it comes it comes and when it does you gotta fight and make yourself happy again I guess. If it doesn't come then good for you la hahaha

Argh

Kinda like WTF, ATF, the like OMFG and NNBCB and CCB and KNNBCCB hahahahhahahahhahahas

Recently

Hey people. Things have been going fairly crazy recently and I think a few of you know what I mean. Really glad you guys are here for me; including Darl of course... Don't really know what to write. I am emotionally depleted. Kinda being scared of being dropped after all the promises and all that haha but oh wells you people are sure going out of your way to get me prepared for it I guess haha I don't know... guess these three are my favourites now.... and also "I hope people are NOT BLIND" hahaha Random random random

My new Fav Song- Roses and Butterflies by Making April

I can see where you are
I can tell you're enjoying it so far
I would love to escape, but now I'm bound
By the of burn of your eyes
Looking on as I'm starting to realize
I'm a pawn in your game and this is checkmate

As the roses lift their heads to catch a glimpse of my demise
You'll be throwing lies around like ocean waves throw down the tides
And they are breaking on my shore
And the rescue team won't save me now I'm out too far

So I'll waste these nights for a while
But I'll be holding onto you forever
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
As I read the words you wrote last night
The butterflies are creeping through my spine

It's a thrill I can't shake
Yeah I know we've been writing a mistake
But it's hard to erase the feelings I've drawn
I was caught in an awkward silence
Broken down by the sound of your prelude that you played
To open our symphony
I've been sleeping with the sunrise watching hours pass away
Incidentally I'm just waiting for the dusk to kill the day
But now I'm waiting for your call
While I bang on this piano like you care at all

So I'll waste these nights for a while
But I'll be holding onto you forever
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
As I hear the words you're saying tonight
I'm falling for them every single time

As the roses dip their heads a little further to the ground
There's a season change and all the pinks and whites have turned to brown
Will we make it through the fall
Yeah are we gonna make it through this fall
'Cause I don't wanna fall with you

So I'll wastes these nights for a while
(I'm trying)
But I'll be holding on to you forever
(We're dying, yeahhh)
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
I'm taken by your hope-filled lines
They're well designed and dragging me along
I'll be waiting for this chance and I'll be gone




I'm a crazy person who likes songs more for their lyrics than anything haha... I find the lyrics here very meaningful. It truely expresses the felings of many people who've been in love. Let's hope I don't have to sing this song too eh? Haha... But seriously, it's UBER sad =(

The Rising Sun Of Another Day

You'll never see it,
The Red, fiery Sun,
The way you'll see it with
Those same eyes,
Which will too, never see
The grass dancing in the breeze.

While everyone else
Puts the blame on the one
Who is the most obvious,
There is hope that you,
The only one who really matters,
Can understand the predicament.

Seeing the red, fiery Sun
Will not aid your hungry
Little stomach, nor will
The dance of the grass,
Provide you the warmth,
Which is stolen by the wind
Which ironically gives them motion.

All that can be promised,
Is that prayers will be offered.
That an angel will come
And shower you with the warmth
And joy that you
Have missed out on.

But for now,
All that can be promised for you,
Is the Rising Sun,
Of another day.

Strength

How do we measure
Strength?
A yard stick, ruler,
Scales, by the buckets?
Or can we see it with
Our eyes and even then,
Will we be able to attain
The full measure of it;
Strength?

What determines
Strength?
How we lift burdens,
Charge through obstacles?
Or is it shown in
Our love for others,
Which most of the time
Cannot be seen; this
Strength?

When we ask,
Are we strong?
When others say,
You are strong,
We should ask,
How do you know?
We should say,
Especially when I know
I have not the
Strength.

Botanic Gardens - Evolution Garden

On Thursday 17/9/09, Darl and I went to the Botanic Gardens hahahaa..... he came down straight from school to meet me at Creamery. PJ, Merv Man and Jake were nice enough to come wait with me for an hour there abouts until Darling came. Hhahaha actually we met Darl as he was crossing the road at the junction and PJ mentioned that he was dao? hahahahaa ah wells... =)) so we went down to Burger Shack for lunch =)) (as I was thinking of it and Merv had said it was a nice place. We had originally wanted to go down to Adam Road Food Centre). I had a spring chicken with peach and apple salad with rice and Darling had the tallest burger, the Blue Mountain burger? hhahaha students had 25% discount and yep the food there was not bad not bad. Haha.... we were so full so we skipped ice cream and went to Cold Storage to get some drinks. We eneded up getting a Carlsberg and Anchor and we headed down to the botanic gardens via Cluny Road. We had been to this side of the gardens before but it was at night and now I'd found out about the other side which was where I went for my picnic with my parents only recently. So we read and followed the signs to the Evolution Gardens and nicee nicee was it there haha... we later went to the Garden Stars (Eco Garden) and sat there and hung out drinking our beer. Mann it was a nicee nicee place la!! the foot path was made of used plastic bottles filled with pebbles la!! hahaha after that we went for a walk in the Evo Garden before we left for darling had Soccer and I was heading home hahahaha =)) had fun =))

Luncheon somewhere at Macpherson haha

Woots today was uber fun in a sense haha.... PJ, Merv and I so didn't know where to et and we just boarded the bus 151 and were assuming to go to Hougang Ctrl to have our lunch. However, on the way there we changed our mind 'cause there really is nothing to eat at Hougang hahahahha so we were thinking where to drop off for lunch and all that and guess what we passed by the Macpherson area and saw lotsa coffee shops with rather appetising food and we decided to just alight. We went for a tour around the alleys there to see exactly what they had and the prawn noodle (River South Prawn Noodles) caught our eyes probably because of the long queue and because it looked good =P but we carried on our tour 'cause we wanted to see what else there was. We ended up at the provision shop, both of them having Potong Ice Cream and I having a Crunch Ice cream hahaha we walked pass the Bengawan Solo there and hahaha we bought Kuehs and Ondeh Ondeh haha. I got 3 and each of them got 2 kuehs and boy were we full but our craving for Prawn Noodles were not satisfied so we went over and Merv go us one soup Choo mee fen, and one dry kway teow. Boy it was good.,... truely orgasmicaLLY good.... hahahaaa. After which we went to the 7-11 to get some drinks. I had initially wanted to buy an Ancor beer but in the end Merv and I settled for two bols of H-Two-O hahahaahahhaa it was so fun la.... what an adventure =)) Oh btw I fell down once out side on the steps LOL and my beautiful Charles and Keith shoes have been ruined.Oh wells all is worthwhile in the name of adventure =)))

Let's talk about trust and trying

What on earth is trust? I'll tell you what trust is- It's the most important thing you can give the person you love. Many a times, factors put doubt into our heads and yeah yeah you'd be like "Pbbbft easier said than done mate!" But hey, if you're going to live a life where you can't give even a rat shit's worth of trust then it's sayonara baby... hahaha then again one does have to admit it IS difficult at times but hey we all try =)) Which brings we to the other topic of trying. I for one am NOT a fan of trying.... uh-uh not at all. I believe in DOING!!! Thus I am really very grateful to people when they actually put their heart into it even when they say they're trying. =)) when someone says they try, I get the feeling that omg whatever they do s out of pure wanting to try and no because they actually want to do it so much so that you actually can't when the person IS ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You get so scared that you block it off. Then when the person doesn't feel like what he or she is doing is being appreciated, they lock up and stop doing/trying and you'll be left with the self- fulfilling prophecy of "hey they were actually doing it purely for doing it and now they've stopped". I want to get rid of this mentality because it's not doing anyone any good.

Thus I have come to appreciate and accept the things that are being done for me. All of them put a smile on my face and when they are absent I try to keep the frowns at bay. I hope what I'm doing is right eh?

~Really needing a hug~

Unobserved

For-granted, we've taken, many
Many things. It could be-
A word, a look, a smile, a
Kiss, and maybe the slightest frown.
Many atimes, they are left
Unobserved, unfelt, un-
Appreciated- until one day
When we look back, look
At our old photographs,
We see those actions, words
Replayed so vividly as if
They were next to us again.
And either regret, or a
Sweet smile shall spread over
The faces, yours and theirs.
But by then, will any of
The expressions be, left
Unobserved?

Check out this poem. What do you think? haha Not much with the techniques but does it manage to carry a point across and if so... what point? =)) VIEWS PLEASE

Out out out =))

Yesterday met Darl after his tuition haha waited 3 hrs there abouts for him after my own tuition and spent most of it looking through my econs stuff at Macs =))We could only meet for awhile but seeing him was so worth it =)) The nihtbefore we had a sort talk on MSN (yes yes impersonal but....) and I found out that the reason for him not saying I Love You to me was because he was still in a Limbo about things. But yes I DO see him trying really =)) and yes last night, the 3 words came out from his mouth and I felt like he meant them =)) Haven't been so happy for a period of time =))

Today went out with him after his tuition for the movie 9 at 1605 at Cine =)) Darl rushed down from his tuition just in time =))) After that we walked over to Plaza sing to meet Qing, Ali and her friend for the movie Gamer and boy were both movie good =)) hahhaa after the movie, we went to the various figurine stores upstairs for a looksee at the figurines. Darl had to go back to hostel earlier though because of his Hall recruitment for positions =)) Darling promised me yesterday that today will not be like yesterday when he spent muc time on his phone and yes he did keep his promise =)) <3 when we were heading back though I was quite sad that I didn't spend really much time with him but hey I was contented. =)) the topic of jealousy did crop up though because he does message this girl a hell lot and a hell lot more than me. I just felt I should let him know I guess and it was a fleeting feeling... he told me there was nothing going on between them and yes I believe him though I can't say I believe in that girl but hey, I know Darling will not disappoint and I really trust him =)) Oh wells, hope he knows how much he means to me... =)) and I believe he does =)) so for now it's smile smile and more smiles because I have him in my life and he said that He'll always be here for me =)) I will believe that =))

~I love and therefore I believe~

BIRTHDAY

On Thursday, 3rd Sept Darling brought me out fo my early birthday =)) we went to catch a movie Year One after lunching at Astons at The Grand Cathay. We had dinner at the Meridian, Korean of course, then we got some Anchor and sweets and headed down to the Marina Barrage. Serious people it's an amazing place to go =)) Loved it there. It was the 15th of the lunar calander for the seventh month too so the moon was perfectly round and the orange orb slowly emerged from its cloud cover- beautiful. Took some pictures that I'm going to upload soon =)) well apparently both of us went 'Club Marc' fashion on that day haha... after that we went for the 955 bus back to the MRT and at the busstop we ran into this Jap guy asking for Taxi number hahahha weird and all too bad our Jap vocab sucked too much to help him out much haha... according to Darl that was part one of my birthday and part two is today when he gave me a white and yellow gold necklace... =)))) sad to say I was too sleepy and didn't take a good look at it only when i was going home did I appreciate it fully =)) sorry for not looking too enthu at first hahahahaa but hey I'm NEVER taking it off haha =))

Well yesterday, 19 people from OG19 came to celebrate my birthday with me at Timbre Art House =)) The number one bday with friends ever haha... we played and sang witht the live band there and they made me very high hahahahah LOVE U GUYS haha I got a guess watch (a red one, my fav color), a guess wallet and my Forever21 top that I wanted so badly hahahaa =)) later, PJ Elaine Gwen Yuan Fu MinXinag Josh Jake and Melvyn went to Zouk with me and partied till 4 plus haha... we down probably 6 jugs of vodka and I had 1 1/2 Flaming Lambos hahaha after which I had a Brandy and... God knows what haghahhaahha it was cool and Fun.... will always remember my 19th thanks to all you lovely people =))

Break up?

In the wee hours of the morning.... AJ and I almost broke up. At first it started out last night at the BBQ where a friend was kinda telling me how to do stuff.... ok let's skip to the part. When I got home, I smsed then called AJ and yup both of us sounded quite nonchalant to each other.... Then AJ hung up on me apparantly and I was so angry I called him but he didn't pick up as, he later explained, he was throwing something away. I asked him to call me and there I kinda lashed out at him for hanging up on my and asked him what he wanted. He told me that he had been doing some thinking and when I asked if he loved me, he said yes.... but to a smaller extent. He said that it was him not me and even if we broke up he would be single as right now he is having second thoughts as to what he wants: single or in a relationship. I asked what I did wrong etc etc.... it was just that there were awkwardness these few days starting from the last Thursday when we taked about a r/s with a friend and I was quiet to Friday when he asked me if I was ok and I said yes when actually I wasnt. I asked if he was willing to give this a second try and he said yes so I suggested we tell each other what we want from each other and I found out all he wanted was for me to be honestwith him..... I have to.... as promised from the start... how could you forget this Mel howw????????? I found out what I wanted to know: if he went out with people he's attracted to in that way and his answer is no so that minused out one issue... He said he didn't know how to prioritise... I asked him if he felt I tried to change him and he said no........ I told him I love him and that he didn't know how much I love him..... he said that he was trying....... I told him I was trying too.... I said that it was because we have no common topic now adays and he agrees..... I said it was because his life is exciting and mine isn't........ he said he didn't want to do this on the phone and wanted it face to face.... when I asked what THIS was and if it was a break up he said no....... so......................... all these are not insequence but............ we came this close to it... after that it seemed like part of the wall was removed,.... and we started talking normally.... we talked more than we have ever done since he went into hostel.... I missed these talks.... nothing about insecurities not quarrelling... just talking..... I miss him.... I love him.... we talked about the blog... this blog.... that I said he should find ways to find out what was wrong instead of waiting for me to tell him.... he said he doesn't bellief in the blogs anyways and that from the start I told him it was a way to vent anger but I told him at first I felt sad he didnt read it then ok as I could then type about him then it became something I relied on when I didn't dare tell him my insecurities.... I love him...... it scares me that he loves me less but part of me is saying there is still love and as long as it is still present no matter how small... It can be saved.

~Given a second chance, Taking the second chance, Making a miracle out of the second chance~

Hurthurthurthurthurt

I guess I don't know anymore. Taked to Jerome till 4 plus a today.... talked about maybe His priorities are haywire now and all that because the novelity of His situation now... but... what if it's something else? I can't help being cold towards him now. It's like I feel emptied. Like when you keep distributing water and no one pours additional water in so much so sooner or later the vat runs dry. I feel dry now. You can say dry of love. Think I'll need time to replenish except that.... the person I poured it into doesn't as I think he has more than enough input of it. By the time I recover, he'd probably have another source. This year could have been the best year of my life... I hope it won't be the worst year of my life. We have our own lives... feels so far apart... maybe if he wants it this way... he should tell me... if its just because its my birthday week and he doesn't wanna tell me then I think its just stupid.... but these are speculations... yet again... I hope they're only speculations..

~one day, when you decide to banish the fog in front of you, you will find that what you thought will always be waiting is already gone~

An average birthday

Haha I don't know what to think. For my birthday, this year, my friends have been so nice... they are all alright with going for dinner etc... even Ja asked if I'll be having a party.... but.... for Darl... he didn't really ask nor did he care to plan any shit for me. Haha =)) 19 is not as impt as 21 yupp.. but when I asked him about clubbing on the 5th, he said not sure.... however he is confirmed going for his friend's bday party on the yatch and clubbing after that just because she asked him and in his words whined to him about. But for mine? hahaha I guess it's ok right. Nothing wrong with it I guess. Mine's not the 21st and I'll be in S'pore but she is seldom here? Doesn't really matter =) I have a bunch of good friends. Maybe now its clear to me he treats his friend well, I should shift my priority to my friends too eh? =))

~It'll all get better in time~

About my postings

Haha I just found out that the gists of all my posts are kinda at the bottom of my posts. The title and the beginning all look like descriptions of normal day to day stuff in my life but my fears and thoughts are actually in the last few lines of the posts hahaa.... so if you wanna know ME look down and you will find me. That is... for those who bother to come and see... Thank you friends, those who see. But some people who should be interested may not be.

~It is too crowded in their lives for them to peer through the crowd to see me
Peer through the crowd in front of your eyes and you will find me~

Vic's off

Woke up at 530 this morning to come to T2 at Changi airpost to send vic off. Took a bus 82 then switched to 27. Wow haha sure was a long ride but it was an experience hahaha Oh wells am currently skipping Math lecture and I sure as hell hope PJ copied down al the notes and lets me see it when she comes down later. Guess I'll be staying at T3 Coffee Bean and wait for her. Got a Cafe Au Lait for $3.50 and I bet the milk will turn all cold by the time she's here... she should get here aftger lunch? haha Well I really wanna gym later so I'll go regardless of whether she is coming or not. I'd wanted to call Darl this morning but.... nah let him sleep in and sent him an sms instead... he only just replied me yupp well I guess it's better than nothing. I've been set to wondering if he still loves me or is like my friend's ex who stayed with her apparantly due to pity. If it is pity no thank you. I may love him to the core but if it is so I know I can find a better guy out there. Staying strong and counting lesser and lesser fears. All I know is there is such a thing as karma and that if he makes me suffer he won't come to a good end either. But till then I'll do my best for him. If not for him, then for myself at least =))

~Doing my best, hoping my heart doesn't turn cold~

Had an Okay day + The Final Destination

Today yes yes went for boring Statistic and all that.... then went for lunch at megabites with PJ, Merv, Gabriel, Yuan Fu Was actually waiting for Aaron to wake up from his tong xiao mj.... apparently when I called i was still in the convo with some friends and he got a lil pissed? DON'T KNOW LA. Maybe its right... seeing each other too much makes us tire of each other. I AM NOT GOING TO SMS HIM UNTIL HE SMSES ME TMW AND EVEN IF HE DOES I WONT SPEND MORE THAN 10 SMS ON HIM. THE GUY IS GOING NIGHT CYCLING THE WHOLE NIGHT TOMORROW. Anyway...... so we planned to meet at CityHall and since it was early I went down to Orchard with PJ and Merv to shop a bit before heading down to CH. Bought nothing at Charles and Keith but got a white pair of heels finally at URs at CH. So we met, bought the tickets, went to grab a bite at KFC where he got a student Zinger and I got adrumstick snacker. =)) went to get stuff at Marc Jacobs. I got a nice floral print top and a tank top and he got berms and a black top and as he didn't have enough cash I paid it willingly as I've been using his cash for the last few outings haha.... we went down to the esplanade to pass the time and caught the rehersal of an UBER COOL Singapore Metal band lol didn't get their name though haha but after that we walked back to watch the insane TFD hahaha it was nice and sadistic hahahahhahaa... we managed to sneak in some barley from Subway haha.... well after the movie we went for dinner at some Jap place where I got cheap sushi and he got cheap Chicken Katsu Bento hahaa .... the night ended after we went to the esplanade again and sat by the banks of the river =)) tried various kissing styles lol the full pucker (as taught by Elaine) and we invented the Kissing without lips lol... oh wells... haha I love him so much... but today when talking about some issues about a friend he did agree after I said he was a flirt that he was a flirt and he didn't make outwith anyone but he does go out with girls... now that I'm typing it I don't know what made me so bothered by it..... Ok I said he's a flirt he just said ya I am a flirt etc etc.... and we talked about how girls wanna change the guy when they get into an r/s then why like the guy in the first place and talked about how the guy, like him, hooks the girl's heart then shows the girl the real him or the girl is blinded by love at first hahahahah a lot of crap la..... ah wells... I don't know why I'm bothered about it really now.... maybe I dont feel as loved.... his Uni ife is like taking over and he rather have time tong xiao with friends and go back early when he meets me for his homework? hahahahaha ah wells maybe he knows I can't stay late too and he takes a long time from town to hostel and he is busy with work NOW. MEL FUCKING THINK POSITIVE OR DIE TRYING!!!

~BE POSITIVE OR DIE TRYING~

Nuaaing in NTU hostel

YAY the day which would have been utterly miserable if I had stayed at home wasn't too bad. =)) I woke up at 0545 ish this morning so that I could make my way down to NTU by 8am =)) my timing is SUPERB thankyouthankyou haha I was supposed to meet Jason at the canteen at 0810 but I mistook it for 0800 and I got there early anyway. When I called Jason, Darl answered and said he didn't know where Jason went and apparently he left everything in his room haha... Darl came down to pick me and showed me his alarm set at 0800 just as he had promised =)) MUACKS anyway we found out that Jason was, as I had guessed, in the toilet and AJ had actually locked him out lol... we went to see JianYe for a bit then went to Darl's room. Jason and Jianye then left for lecture. When we woke up we actually went to Canteen 13 again for the Ramyeon but this time I got the Chicken one which truthfully wasn't as good as the beef and the noodles were not very cooked... they need some quality control LOL anyway then Darl and I went to the busstop but he left for lecture first cos his bus came and I took 199 back to boonlay interchange. I then proceeded to tuition that was successfully pushed up haha... Today Darl is supposed to have contract bridge with his hall people at 7pm gosh he still hasn't smsed haha... he was hoping to have tong xiao mj tonight as he said he doesn't have lessons tomorrow. Guess he doesn't see the need for our weekly Thursday outings cause wehad the whole morning together. Conjectures and wild thoughts. Shall banish them until they are proven right haha. Hopefully things will be ok tomorrow? If not I know PJ and Melv will be there for me... and so will the mudpie at Island Creamery hahahhaa =))

~Baseless conjectures should be ignored for a blissful life~ =))

25th August =)) ISLAND CREAMERY.... Again -.- LOL

Yupp went with PJ and Melv to Island Creamery again... the actual plan was to study till Elaine and the rest were done with their lectures before heading down to SIM gym... In the end, we polished off A hot fudge sundae and a mud pie... haha talk about the sinful of the sinful mann haha well iin the end Elaine and the rest weren't exactly very keen on the gymming so PJ and I headed down to Hougang gym for some workout. There, we were helped out, so to speak, by this buff instructor who had a whole back of tattoos and blond hair. He taught us how to do the machines etc and taught us how to train our backs only but in the end we did more cardio workouts at the treadmill and cycling machines. Mann I forgot how good working out can make you feel!!! hahaha well time to burn off all em calories haha. Think I'll go for a jog after tuition tomorrow =)) There won't be any classes tomorrow so instead of staying home I'd rathr go over to darling's hostel to sleep in rather than be in the house and nagged at for the whole day =)) We'll see how things go =))

Today is our 8th monthsary. Guess it ain't imporatant to the guy now cos now he hardly wishes me by himself? Hmmmmm see how he gets punished mann hahahahah oh wells.... don't know whats going on with him now... watching movie or what... DON'T CARE LE LA!!! Just live your life Mel!!! Gambatte!!!

Oh this reminds me I'm signing up for Jap classes at a school in Orchard called Bunka. Can't let Darl beat me at all of my current passions eh Gotta start reading up too or else may lose to him in lit though he is kinda better than me hahaha MUACKS catch you up again then.

~Living your life to the fullest and pulling yourself out of the dark- now that's living!~

Lunch at Ajisen

Yupp today met up with darling for lunch. The original plan was to enter NTU for lunch but it was really too troublesome so darling was nice enough to come out to Jurong Point for lunch. We had Ajisen where he had some egg, mayo, swet sauce, cabbage and pork thingy while I had spicy Ramen with lots of chili oil hahaha well after that he sent me to Serangoon where I took 317 to tuition. At the bus stop he asked if it was ok if in the end only him and another girl went for GI Joe if his OG mates can't make it. For some reason I felt that it was quite predictable as he looked like he had something to ask me... Actually I felt that from the way he said it most probably it would be the both of them but yupp he says there may be a few others but he thought he should ask as I had the right to know. What could I say? "No" ? Of course I said I wouldn't mind and that I trust him. But hmmm how can you avoid worrying a little? The consolation I have is that he tells me, in a way respecting me I guess, and that I should be open that he should have girl friends as long as history doesn't repeat itself like the last time in the cinema.... then again, he should now be mature enough to know what is right and wrong and he should know as well that I will stand no nonsense. If something happens and he tells me I'll be angry and I don't knowwhat I'd do. If he doesn't tell me God will let me know some way or another and then I won't promise that I won't be ruthless too. I cannot stand betrayal. The again why all these negativity? Let me just trust the guy to know that since he feels enough for me to ask me he should feel enough to resist any temptation, if there is even a temptation. They should be just friends after all. If I were to get jealous over every gril who sits next to him or watches a movie with him my life would be so very miserable =)) We enjoyed ourselves today and are going to meet up come Thursday, I guess I should trust him and not think so much. After all, what is love without trust?
=))
~Trust that our love is strong enough~

Parents... once again

Well they did it again Today yupp went down to the new place to see the designe with my dad and my dog but ya since I was late my dad scolded me most of the way there. When we got there he made all my ideas for my room seem rdundant and ignored me whle the two of em the designer and him I mean went at the stupid place... Finally when it came to my room I told the designer my idea and the designer so found it feasible though my dad who is so STCK in his ideas idn't see it.. it went well until my dad wanted FORCED UPON US that he wanted parquet floorig hen we all ALL ALL know parquet platfors are lie APA THE FUCK!!! so fine on the way back he scolded me in the car saying wy is my fce black and is it that going out wih them is a chore because I take so long to prepare. Number 1) I JUST GOT FUCKING SCLDED DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE ALL SMILES???? and Number 2) FUCK IT IS A CHORE TO GO OUTWITH THEM an Number3) IF I DIDN'T CARE I WOULD JUST WEAR LIKE LOC COC WHN I GO OUT WITH THEM RIGHT omg it was all peaceful until a slight blip during lunch when my mother nagged but I COMPLETELY ignored her. THen after dinner, just now, my mother took out cereal from a container and I remebered when I was younger they always asked me to eat those in the packet first not the container so I went to take out the packet and what happened? KI GOT SCOLDED AGAIN! WHOOPY TO THOSE WHO GOT THAT RIGHT! Though it is way WAY obvious. So I was like fine and I wrapped it up and said anyways the pack tastes like it's lou feng le anyways and apparantly I sounded sooooo very rude when I told them the fact. So here I am blogging cos I'd rather be up here locked up in my room than down there. And you know what I don't care if my new room sucks cos I'm only going in there to cry or sleep. That place is just a shelter mann there is NO HOME.

Vic's party that she didn't know about

Hahahahh well yesterda we were invited down by Josh (Vic's new guy) for her farewell party with her church peeps. So yupp Joelyn and I wondered around looking for food when Josh came out to meet us but we found out that their service will be ending like an hour late wahahahha finally Josh and some other guy came down to fetch Jo and I, we were done with our sort of dinner from the Cheers at ESSO, Jo had nice instant Ramyeon that I introduced and I had a filling-less chicken pie from Polar lol.. So ya we were brought int the chuch's hangout place called severnty-nine and yupp plunged into darkness as they got ready for the surprise. In the end I had the hnor of becoming ther ghost that sits in the chair facing the door for suprising her when she opens the door.. -.- LOL I didn'tknow ZHen Zi had reddish brown hair LOL anyways thats what I did: when she opened the door she was like What The.. and I jumped at her the same moment everyone shouted suprise LOL Poor Vic she was ill but yea she was touched. She said during her speech that the best thing was that Jo and I wre there which brought shouts of protestors from the mostly Chrstian ppl from her church LOL.. well she repeated the word "awesome" a gazillion times through the short speech lol. After that we ate hahaha while her friends tried to be good hosts and tried to entertain s. Lucky for us they soon gave up LOL it wasjust that I dislike it when people come to make small talk just because they think they ought to, I'd rather thy left us alone. Bu yupp talked to this guy David and asked him t play pool just to relieve the boredom and mann did I suck. But it sorta broke the ice and gave us something to do while we waited for the appropriate time to leave. In the end we left around 9 plus and yupp we headed back to the interchange and took a train back, cam whoring part of the way haha.

My Parents- Assholes, stupified idiots born with IQs and mentalities of a ZYGOT

This morning I was woken around 940am by my parents.... my mother actually and she was saying they were goingto see the interior esigner for the new place and if I anted to come they were leaving at 10am. I said ok but was so tired I went back for a few minutes more sleep. Then I head her outside saying to my Dad her avid and stupid supporter that had no Xin(1) cause I was still sleeping. So fucking wokethe hell up saw that it was still 1015 and since I was hungry went to make a cup of coffee... at 1020 they just left and she was like "I have no tim you want to wait till 1030 then go and change?" and they just left. FUCKERS BASTARDS FUCKING ASSHOLES were some words I screamed into their empty bedroom. I sent the mad bitch a text saying that she hurt her hand not her eyes so open it instead of saying I have no Xin(1) or interest when in the first place you wake me up and expect me to be up and ready to go in like 30 min? ITS A FUCKING SATURDAY AND I'M NOT IN FUCKING BMT COULDN'T SHE HAVE TOLD ME LAST NIGHT? ITS SHE WHO HAS NO XIN LA FUCK COS IF SHE DID SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME IN FUCKING ADVANCE. AS THE BITCH AGES SHE TURNS MORE JUVENILE AND NEXT TIME WHEN SHE NEEDS SOMEONE TO CHANGE HER FUCKING DIAPERS IT SURE FUCKING HELL WON'T BE ME!

Thursday

Hey went to NTU hostel with AJ wow their room is a mess la hahaha cam whored on his beautiful MacBook hahaha then we went to eat this great GREAT korean food at Canteen 13 where conincidentally was where I stayed for Pre U sem and so did he in his year haha... the ramyeon was made extra spicy on his request for me and BOY WAS IT GOOD haha.... was so tired so slept on the bus ride to the Boon Lay interchange and on the train ride to town to change his shoes he got for his birthday cos they don't fit. We chose a nicer looking pair haha which he wore on the spot. We then went for the 515 3D up movie haha.... watched up with my OG the last time but boys was it good the 3D effects weren't great though haha... we then went ION for dinner but found it too ex so we went to Dhoby Ghaut for KFC hahahaha all in all it was a nicee nicee time with him. =))

~Enjoying every minute with you ~

Miscellaneous

Ok... this is random.... SWENSENS ICE CREAM BUFFET was funn.... I feel like lotsa stuff has happened but I can'tremember them... so I'm going to type randomly.... I finished the first season of Boys Over Flowers and am going gaga over the songs hahaaha...AJ i learning Japanese and he has my envy so I'm planning to finally get the resolution to learn Jap out of the way soon too... Passed AJ his book today when his parents drove him past SIM.... Goin to meet him tomorrow hopefully its still going to happen. Have changed econs lecture to Lee Chin Choon cos I can't stand V suckshimi and now I go to school daily for 830 lectures hahahahahah OMG what's going on? The blues are back? Nah.... why amI bothering... just that I'm starting to think.... must be negative energy from the gates opening if you get what I mean hahaha.... am actually typing like mad to pass time as I wait for a reply to an sms which reminds me my hone bill went up like to 104 plus and it's cos I used the stupid 3G hahaha whih is so very ex and all that and btw I can't have a birthday chalet cos my parens are well... parents LOL ok let's take a break from the randomness and mass typing hahahha

Dashed

Today was supposed to be the first time we went out since he went into hostel. Things have been real hectic for him and all that.... what with outings etc every other night.... so today I was quite happy that we would be going out. It would also give me a chance to talk to him and... ya.... but in the end... we talked less than 10 sentences. Why? Because in the end, a friend asked us to go play LAN and I couldn't bring myself to say no. I asked him to talk to AJ and apparantly AJ was for it.... things hadn't gone well from the start, I culdn't reach AJ after school because of the poor reception in his hall then we took the wrong bus and all so from going down to his hostel he had to come meet me.... we planned to go town but obviously the plan failed.... we went to AMK for LAN. I found out only just that we were suiting each other- I wanted to have a movie with him alone but thought he wanted to play with his friend and he thought I was ok with the LAN... I don't know.... I really don't know what to type anymore. I had thought maybe during dinner, we could talk... but he left early for his Hall dinner. I'd told my mother I wasn't eating at home but I'm home now because I have no choice. As a girlfriend I see him much less than his friends do... what else can I say, what else can I do? I'll just take it as it is then.. he doesn't have to know these stupid little things... no one does. Mel you shoukld learn to be a little more selfish, to care for your own interests, to say no when you have plans and don't want to do something.... he said he'll call me tonight after his hall stuff... but hey his friends will be heading down tonight to have a catch up session (although I need it more than they do).. I can't go... my parents won't allow it... what else can I do but wait at home and hope he remembers me? They say girlfiends should know when to fade into the back ground.... I guess I'm fading ... fading... fading... when will he pull me back?


~Wondering if there are keyboards that are tears-resistant~

My miracle

Mέλισσα says:
haha
its ok
i find there are two ways to look at things
yesterday i felt something was wrong
today i found out that he is wavering because he is thinking of how little would be the time we will spend with each other when uni starts
but i feel he's got it wrong
right now
he's affected by the past week we not meeting each other
due to his camp ( we both are)
both of us are now kinda like strangers
so we feel uncomfortable
this feeling thus makes him think of what will happen if we dont meet often in uni
thus i have decided to start the passion ball rolling again
and i can see that he's trying too
this week will be crucial
just now when we talk kinda like rushing through it
more like friends
but its better than nothing
ppl are telling me to quit
but i believe in miracles lor
in this case
i want the miracle to be me and him
and when i want something
when i think, dream about it enough
it comes to me
cos when i think and dream about it if its good it is positive and it'll make me happy and it becomes a vicious cycle
so in the end i'll get my miracle
=))
i dont believe in the pessimistic view anymore
as long as the things haven't happened
all your speculations will be worthless
ppl tell me to get ready for it... for something bad to happen
why should i?
I'd rather use the energy spent on worrying and preparing for the worse, for being positive and looking at how I can improve things so things will be alright again. =))

FRIEND says:
wah..
it is a different u ..
GOOD!

Mέλισσα says:
yupp
and i sure hope he will see it
and even if he doesnt
its no lose of mine
because with a positive outlook in life, good things will come my way =))
its once in awhile
when i sort things out
that i really feel relieved
=)
and sometimes i feel more mature than him
lol
he's having drinking session now
lol
tmw his first class
and he's in hostel
lol
oh wells
yesterday night he didnt reply my good night sms
tonight can see he's trying to make it up to me
he told me to sms him when i'm sleeping and he'll sms me when he is sleeping before me
i choose to look at it as he is really making it uo to me instead of that he is doing it cos he feels its his duty
either way
he's still doing it
so =))
FRIEND says:
haha..
good lah..
at least he is makin up to u mah..
Mέλισσα says:
yupp
so in a way
he's coming back le
ball's in my court now =))
better than him saying oh i'm wavering and not doing anything about it
=))
Mel, be contented and happy and good things will come to you =)) <3

When the new life moves in, Mel moves out?

Is that it now? Went over to his place for MJ and BBQ yesterday.... Feels weird... A lot of factors are starting to make me think... and as you know, I do NOT like to think. One small small factor is his wallpaper mann why do I notice such stuff??? Well is he scared to let people see he is attached so he changed his hp wall paper to some neutral thingy? Hmmmm. What is the difference between me and the other girls? I see how he treats me and sometimes i see its sweet but other times... I don't know... Oh he sent me home in a cab. And yupp because i asked him to send me up he didn't bring enough cash so I used mine first. It's totally fine... But it's like was he being defensive when I asked about his timetable? Wednesdays used to be our days to go out now I'm just seeing if it stays the same but.... Mel I hope it's you thinking too much.... I smsed him last night good night and all and also about the thing that was bothering me the whole night- if he still loves me... no reply... why Mel why?

If I were a boy.............

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wated
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell evveryone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

Ladies' Man

Sometimes I can't see the difference between how he treats me and how he treats other girls. I remember I told him that before and his answer was like if you can't see that you're special then there's not point going on. What am I to do? PJ said, when other girls need help he's there for them, the same as I am so whats the difference? I don't know. Is there such a thing as a part time gf? But you know what, I wish I could stop thinking so pessimistically. I have a friend who's philosophy is love the person whole heartedly and believe the person loves you whole heartedly as well. Only then will there be fruit in the relationship.

Women

I'd started a page about the Modern Woman.... now I'm thinking.... maybe women are just sex objects eh hahahahahahha and something one can use when they want and ignore or tear away when they don't need it.... like a.... post-it note? haha

Shopping.... haha cosmetics stock up mann... =))

PJ I LOVE YOU I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO WITHOUT YOU BABE!!!! hahahaha Just went window shopping with PJ =))) and of course Melv Kee =))hahahaa and I swear I'm broke haha spent me money on mascara, liquid eyeliner and some eyebrow shaper/shaver thingy haha wheeees =)) Think it's a razor? Hmmmmm can use it for suicide if need be... hahahahaaa seriosuly it's for beauty purposes ONLY haha.

Ok I was talking to PJ abt this guy's birthday. Let's call him Paul. Paul was having his birthday. He has a girlfriend called Amy. Right so at his birthday Paul got drunk hahaha like who doesn't?! haha... well see here, Amy did not dare to go near him cos well the ego of a boy told her he did not like her to see him puke and that was what his friends told her last time. SO poor Amy could only sit by and watch helplessly as some friends attended to Paul. Later, Paul went for a walk with one of the friends. Amy obviously was worried. Finally an opportunity came where the rest wanted to start drinking and Amy asked another friend to come with her to find Paul. Sure they found Paul and by the time they got back hell the alcohol had kicked in and he was considered dead drunk. Amy went to get warm water which obviously was only sipped by the drunk Haha... Well they did say green tea helps when someone's drunk so Amy went to make some hot green tea =) when she brought it to the group surrounding Paul, another friend mentioned coffee. So Amy went to get the coffee. Whew thank God there are friends who know some medical skills there and two of them went to look after Paul. The rest carried on with the party and most went up to have some fun =)) Ok so now Amy is torn: stay with the bf or go upstairs and hang out with the friends who were calling to her. Many people will expect her to stay with the guy right? Haha... yupp she would but the two friends told her to go that they would take care of Aaron. COme on.. she couldn't argue with the two who have medical knowledge right? I mean they knew their stuff so well they wouldn't trust Amy to help Paul up even to puke right? She was Obviously indicated as NOT NEEDED PLEASE GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET THE REAL PEOPLE WHO KNOW THEY'RE STUFF TAKE CARE OF PAUL. SO yupp she went up. You expected her to enjoy herself eh? Haha... you think?! Obviously her mind was wholly on her bf. Yupp she did have fun but still... Finally the group of them went back downstairs after lets say what 30-45mins? And Paul was now gone on the bench and barfing up dinner haha... nope no more high and the effects ebbed away into worry. Nope Amy was still not to be trusted nah they could get the other liquids to help flush Paul's abdomen of anything that upsets him yupp she should just stay there. SO yupp Amy spent the time she had downstairs helping him to sit up barf lie back down again and again. =)) of course she had another friend with her =)) so no worries. The sequence may be haywired or wrong but thats roughly it. Later Paul was whisked up into a room and locked inside so that no one could go in and scream and shout in their high-ness and wake poor Paul up. Where was Amy? Outside with the others? Could she enter?? Nope cause the door was what? Locked uh huh =))SO they carried on with the party without the birthday boy. This is not really nice as the bday boy would have been up and kicking if he was forced up and not laid down to rest like some sickly old man. But yupp we understand from the two friend's point of view that he was better left like a sleeping log than havocing with the rest in things that may cause bodily harm haha. Well Amy was called out of the room by one of the friends later and she sat talking to this friend, totally alright with ignoring the rest partying away in the other room. She was hahah now locked out of the other room =)) but hey she would rather know the situation paul is in rather than in the other room partying not know what was happeneing in the other room where Paul was. No she wasn't angry with the two friends... she was just annoyed about how Paul was being kepted in there for his PROTECTION even though it was his bday... also she was not really happy about not being allowed to help in tending to Paul.... But that's not important is it? I mean come on these friends had expertise on their side... what did she have? Yup she was the girlfriend but so? She did not and was not even bothering about who shared the bed with Paul mann she just wanted him to be alright but I guess the friends thought she was pissed cos she thought she couldn't sleep in that room with Paul? OMG has she portrayed herself to be THAT SHALLOW? Yupp. Barfing in the middle of the night was normal and yup Amy could do that little thing right now couldn't she. She hardly slept before 5am, covering Paul with the blanket, rolling him over to face the bin etc. Next morning, the two friends were given their due 'thank yous'. One of them made sure of that =)) Amy was obviously thankful to them =)) Nope she did not expect anything and anyway the things that she did were not percieved by the majority, her worry was obviously not viewable so yupp she didn't get any of it.

PJ told me Amy was Wei Da.. then both of us decided that she was.. yupp dumb. PJ was saying Amy should tell Paul what she did and get her due thank you like what the friend did =)) But I doubt Amy will do that. I guess Amy was just happy that she could help Paul in any little way. She was also ok and quite happy that the friendswere happy as their helpfulnes was appreciated by Paul =)) I don't think Amy will tell Paul any of this. Never. But then again, I guess she feels that's her duty and when you love someone, you don't care about anything but him being happy and his clse friend being contented too =) Trust me I can understand that =))

ECONS LECTURE!!!!!

OMG V Laikshmi is like........... I DON'T UNDERSTAND A WORD/SENTENE YOU ARE SAYING WOMAN!!! Ya she got a Phd.... big deal she taught in INDIA!!!! Her accent is like... Uh... WHAT?! and her notes are like... pathetically little like OMG SOMEONE GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!! hahaa Oh QIng, PJ, Melv and I had a beer and pool at Bukit Timah plaza after lunch today. Lunch was at the KouFu food court at Ngee Ann Poly hahaha I had chicken chop with spag hahahahah shiook!!! haha

Mann I MISS MY AJ!!!! hahaa poor guy is sick but in camp... tonight they're going to St John Island for 2 days and will be back on Fri... doubt there'll be reception there =(((( But oh wellsss...

Misses Misses!!!

Love my blog

Oh I love my blog!! And I love friends like Del and PJ. =)) They always make me feel better. Ya true sometimes they give me the women do not need men to survive talk but in the end I feel better and stronger to face stuff. Also, the more we talk the more I sort out my feelings and the more I feel that my fears are really not needed =))

Hmmm have to learn to be more mature....

Today, he went for camp... don't know if I'm being sensitive or if I forgot or something but I thought last time when I said goodbye in an sms he will send something back no matter what. Well, recently he's like a crush I used to have who used to not bother about me: when I send a good bye message he doesn't reply. Well he has the unlimited sms... sending me a reply that is definite that doesn't need a reply would be fine right? Or is there another way to look at it: that he's comfortable with me and feels that when I say bye it means bye? Or is he growing tired of it all? If it were to end it won't be him to end it. But men are clever when they want the girls to end a r/s for them... they make the girl see that they don't care anymore and the girl simply lets go.

I don't know what to think. Sometimes I feel like he really has no more feelings for me then he does things to make me feel that we are still in love. Is it that we are really still in love or that he no longer feels it but he is trying to salvage it? And if so what should I do? SOmetimes I can see him trying but sometimes I see him pulling away...

Is it true that when you have been hurt in a past r/s you tend to not want to give your everything into the subsequent r/s as well? Maybe thats why..... Also... men have their ego and they want to belong somewhere so if their friends do not publicly announce their r/s status and all that does it mean the guy has to follow? PJ said must see the guy's XIN "heart". I told her that in his last camp the guys in his bunk didn't call or text their gfs and all that everynight so he didn't call everynight. But I just realised that he did sms me at least once a day. I don't know thats what I mean by sometimes I feel maybe he doesn't like me anymore and then I think of some stuff he did and it shows that he does.

Anthony told me that guys looking out for chio bus are normal. Hell I know that too. I asked him if the guy is honest and tells his gal he wshes there were chio bus in his camp, is it a good thing and Anthony said yes. His words were that guys like to disturb but in the end he will stay true to you. Thats comforting to know =))

I don't want to be immature: to hanker over the guy and want to be by his side every minute. I don't want to suffocate the guy. From what I know I've not been suffocating him and have been doing an ok job la... but I don't really feel that way. I'm hiding the fact that I miss him and I'm hiding the 19 yr old me so that I can shoot to the 20 something me... growing up faster than I should. But I really don't mind. As long as all that I do will be worth it. I really don't mind.

~Hopefully, as the spirit grows each passing day, so will the love~

Awesome Earrings

Hey people my friend is selling earrings and the like on her blog:

opened a blog shop recently selling awesome ear rings!

http://smileyss.livejournal.com/tag/ear+rings
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Source: smileyss.livejournal.com
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Wonder if you try to get to know me better. Are you even trying? When you know that love is a journey of discoverig the two of us. So many portals to see me yet I don't think you know or even care to take a minute, a second of your time to check.

Song

I won't say remember
I won't say forget
All I ask is that, you feel the same way.
I wish with every part of my soul,
Your smile means yes and not a no.
I love you as you are please know.

I wrote it somewhere can't remember the rest of the lyrics now...

~Mel