Hmmmm am I being very selfish to not want him to stay in the hostel? I don't know... I'm scared he'll change. Alright maybe for Aaron he didn't change, his true nature just emerged haha.... but for Darling... I really can't bare to lose him; I can't bear to see him change from who he is now to some one like... someone else. I know Darl wants to experience hostel life and all that but, even though I try I can't be like last time and act like I'm fine with everything.
Somehow for Darl, I can't help but be honest and tell him exactly how I feel. I don't want to hide anything from him just so I can "Make him happy" so to speak. DOing that is wrong I figure because it totally breaches the terms of being honest with each other. If the other person can't even take how you feel, then there is no point in being together. And somehow, I don't fear his being angry with me or reprimanding me because of how I feel, I feel free that I can tell him. Only that sometimes, when I do, I feel bad because I feel like I'm being selfish... I can't shake off the "I rather you be happy and I unhappy rather than both of us being unhappy" feeling... and I know it's not right... but...
I really don't want to lose him... had a dream, a bad one, where I lost him. And for the first time in a dream I was praying so ferverently... I've never felt so scared to lose someone. the only other dream that came close was one in which I lost my mother (that was last time). I never want to have that feeling ever again... I don't think I can survive it. I want to know what love is, and I know he can show me =))
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