Break up?

In the wee hours of the morning.... AJ and I almost broke up. At first it started out last night at the BBQ where a friend was kinda telling me how to do stuff.... ok let's skip to the part. When I got home, I smsed then called AJ and yup both of us sounded quite nonchalant to each other.... Then AJ hung up on me apparantly and I was so angry I called him but he didn't pick up as, he later explained, he was throwing something away. I asked him to call me and there I kinda lashed out at him for hanging up on my and asked him what he wanted. He told me that he had been doing some thinking and when I asked if he loved me, he said yes.... but to a smaller extent. He said that it was him not me and even if we broke up he would be single as right now he is having second thoughts as to what he wants: single or in a relationship. I asked what I did wrong etc etc.... it was just that there were awkwardness these few days starting from the last Thursday when we taked about a r/s with a friend and I was quiet to Friday when he asked me if I was ok and I said yes when actually I wasnt. I asked if he was willing to give this a second try and he said yes so I suggested we tell each other what we want from each other and I found out all he wanted was for me to be honestwith him..... I have to.... as promised from the start... how could you forget this Mel howw????????? I found out what I wanted to know: if he went out with people he's attracted to in that way and his answer is no so that minused out one issue... He said he didn't know how to prioritise... I asked him if he felt I tried to change him and he said no........ I told him I love him and that he didn't know how much I love him..... he said that he was trying....... I told him I was trying too.... I said that it was because we have no common topic now adays and he agrees..... I said it was because his life is exciting and mine isn't........ he said he didn't want to do this on the phone and wanted it face to face.... when I asked what THIS was and if it was a break up he said no....... so......................... all these are not insequence but............ we came this close to it... after that it seemed like part of the wall was removed,.... and we started talking normally.... we talked more than we have ever done since he went into hostel.... I missed these talks.... nothing about insecurities not quarrelling... just talking..... I miss him.... I love him.... we talked about the blog... this blog.... that I said he should find ways to find out what was wrong instead of waiting for me to tell him.... he said he doesn't bellief in the blogs anyways and that from the start I told him it was a way to vent anger but I told him at first I felt sad he didnt read it then ok as I could then type about him then it became something I relied on when I didn't dare tell him my insecurities.... I love him...... it scares me that he loves me less but part of me is saying there is still love and as long as it is still present no matter how small... It can be saved.

~Given a second chance, Taking the second chance, Making a miracle out of the second chance~