Sometimes we tend to feel that we aren't good enough. I feel it too. Maybe for my case it's true. Like people try hard to be nice. Try to give me everything I want. Try to be patient and all that. I can't help it is I don't sound cheery bubbly happy go lucky all the time. In a book, it mentioned that women have 'waves'. They reach their peak and are happy etc but they will come down. It is a cycle that no one can break. I guess I'm at down time now? I hope you understand. Then agai, how can anyone? I try not to say some stuff.. for the better of both sides... until the time is right. Sometimes I feel... maybe yup I'm really not good enough? Don Don Don.. you gave me good advice... but I can't follow it.... Maybe I'm scared people will become like you... they'll leave me alone and disappear without a trace. Then I'll worry and worry and worry. And then they'll come back and leave again and again...
Am I really that useless... that worthless? Do I really suck so much as a friend, as a relative, as a girlfriend? Why can't I make the people I love happy? Sometimes I feel I don't deserve these people. I write my thoughts down to relieve the burden they put on my heart. It's not that I don't want to tell you face to face.... why am I treating this blog like you? I want to talk to you, yet I'm scared I'll make you unhappy... I love you so much I don't want to lose you. I'm scared it'll be too late when I realize I've lost you. I'm putting aside my insecurities only to see new ones coming up. I used to be insecure about him. Now I trust him. But I think I'm going back to being insecure with myself. Why is it happening again? Why?
I've never felt so safe before; with you holding me yesterday. I really really felt safe. I felt like I don't want to lose this feeling. But it seems like the only person to make me lose this feeling is myself. God please stop me. I don't like to feel this way.
The last thing I need is for people to tell me that since I'm making you feel so bad I'll leave you.
Chicago
If you leave me now,
you'll take away the biggest part of me
No baby please don't go
If you leave me now,
you'll take away the very heart of me
No baby please don't go
A love like ours is love that's hard to find
How could we let it slip away
We've come too far to leave it all behind
How could we end it all this way
When tomorrow comes we'll both regret
Things we said today
Cause I need you more than you'll ever know
~ Sometimes I just want to smile. Gotta smile, because I want you to be happy too.~
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