Yeah, you can be nice. You can be the nice friend that you always are, prepared to catch a grenade for your friends; be the listening ear; be the person whose shoulder they always cry upon; be the one next to them at the bar while they drink their sorrows away. It's bad when you do all that for them and after they've recovered from whatever that is ailing their mental and emotional side, they leave. But it sucks too when they appear to still be around, yet when you need help from them, they make it ALL ABOUT THEMSELVES.
Get what I mean?
They can come to you when they have problems, but when you go to them, you start off my speaking about your problems but after the third sentence, you are the one hearing them out and consoling them. They always manage to change everything into something that has to do with them. Now ain't that irritating?
And there you thought that being a friend for them will make make them be good friends in return.... guess that was the wrong mindset..
Saturday, 16 July 2011
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
How to stop overthinking in a relationship
Sometimes we tend to "think too much" or overthink. Waiting by the phone, a minute turns into years as we think of what our lover is doing, who is he talking with, whether she is attracted to the new guy at the coffee place etc. All the negativity sets in and it builds in us and consumes us and we find ourselves breaking up. We do not know what happened. And then it happens again, and again and again....
Overthinking usually introduces negativity into the relationship; and as we know, no relationship thrives on negativity. So how do we stop that from happening?
1
Conciously stop yourself. Whenever you find your thoughts running wild; be it a chanting of the person's names or the image of your lover with another guy or girl, STOP. You can scream out the word or even slap yourself on the forehead but STOP. It would take a huge amount of effort but the first step is always the most critical. If you're stopping yourself for the first time, you might not even realise it when you are thinking too much because it might be so natural for you. Here are some indications for you when you start to think too much-
You start feeling sad and depressed. Thoughts wonder to stuff like "how long is this relationship going to last?" and "I think he/she is going to break up with me."
When you find yourself clinging on to your phone waiting for the person to text you while thinking "Why haven't they texted me yet.... it's been 2 minutes already!!!"
You see that your personal blog is full of negative thoughts and fears about the relationship.
2
Ask yourself why you feel this way. Have your other half given you cause to feel this way? Have they had a history of cheating or are they being different suddenly. Try to think from a third person's point of view, whether your thoughts are ranging from unfounded to psychotic. If the other party has given you no cause to feel this way then such anxiety and overthinking is really your problem and you've got to nip it in the bud. Stop yourself, as mentioned earlier and change.
3
Find a distraction. Yes when you are thinking too much about something, the best thing you can do is find something to distract you from your own thoughts. Try not to be alone or somewhere quiet. Get your boys and girls to head to town with you for a movie or some frisbee. Go to the gym and go crazy on the new workout program you found on the internet. Bake a cake for a potluck with your girls or start up your computer for some Warcraft with your buddies.
4
Talk to your partner about it. It would be nice for you to let your partner know. It would be especially helpful if they were the ones who have given you cause to feel this way. If you think they are cheating on you, ask them. Do it nicely of course, there is no need for you to blow your top at them only to realise that the person they were seen with was actually an aunt who just came to town for a holiday. Communication is key here.
Overthinking usually introduces negativity into the relationship; and as we know, no relationship thrives on negativity. So how do we stop that from happening?
1
Conciously stop yourself. Whenever you find your thoughts running wild; be it a chanting of the person's names or the image of your lover with another guy or girl, STOP. You can scream out the word or even slap yourself on the forehead but STOP. It would take a huge amount of effort but the first step is always the most critical. If you're stopping yourself for the first time, you might not even realise it when you are thinking too much because it might be so natural for you. Here are some indications for you when you start to think too much-
You start feeling sad and depressed. Thoughts wonder to stuff like "how long is this relationship going to last?" and "I think he/she is going to break up with me."
When you find yourself clinging on to your phone waiting for the person to text you while thinking "Why haven't they texted me yet.... it's been 2 minutes already!!!"
You see that your personal blog is full of negative thoughts and fears about the relationship.
2
Ask yourself why you feel this way. Have your other half given you cause to feel this way? Have they had a history of cheating or are they being different suddenly. Try to think from a third person's point of view, whether your thoughts are ranging from unfounded to psychotic. If the other party has given you no cause to feel this way then such anxiety and overthinking is really your problem and you've got to nip it in the bud. Stop yourself, as mentioned earlier and change.
3
Find a distraction. Yes when you are thinking too much about something, the best thing you can do is find something to distract you from your own thoughts. Try not to be alone or somewhere quiet. Get your boys and girls to head to town with you for a movie or some frisbee. Go to the gym and go crazy on the new workout program you found on the internet. Bake a cake for a potluck with your girls or start up your computer for some Warcraft with your buddies.
4
Talk to your partner about it. It would be nice for you to let your partner know. It would be especially helpful if they were the ones who have given you cause to feel this way. If you think they are cheating on you, ask them. Do it nicely of course, there is no need for you to blow your top at them only to realise that the person they were seen with was actually an aunt who just came to town for a holiday. Communication is key here.
Overthinking
You'd have thought that certain people would have already learned to relax with the things in their lives. They've been through enough overthinking-times to know that thinking too much usually blows a lot of things up even when there wasn't anything wrong in the first place. When a person overthinks, they go into so many details and possibilities, they could have lived an entire lifetime just by sitting there and overthinking about their life for 5 mins.
Relationship-wise, when someone thinks too much, the same thing happens. A girl could be sitting by the phone overthinking, waiting for the guy to call, and one minute would seem like one year because of all the thoughts and negative images that go through her mind. She gets anxious the more she waits and she will thus imply stress on the guy.
You'd think that after suffering so much she'd have stopped overthinking.... but no, old habits die hard. What she should try to do is when she overthinks, or is starting, stop herself immediately and acknowledge that she is overthinking. Learn to let go. Learn to stop thinking. And as time goes by it will be so natural that you don't even think. She may start to feel that maybe you don't really love the person because you're so used to thinking about the person you love. But this is one way of protecting and loving you. And the first step to loving someone else is loving yourself so we ARE on the right track.
People change. It might feel weird and different when you change yourself, but we need to ensure our own survival. When there is draught, animals migrate; they don't stay at the place they are most farmiliar with.
Relationship-wise, when someone thinks too much, the same thing happens. A girl could be sitting by the phone overthinking, waiting for the guy to call, and one minute would seem like one year because of all the thoughts and negative images that go through her mind. She gets anxious the more she waits and she will thus imply stress on the guy.
You'd think that after suffering so much she'd have stopped overthinking.... but no, old habits die hard. What she should try to do is when she overthinks, or is starting, stop herself immediately and acknowledge that she is overthinking. Learn to let go. Learn to stop thinking. And as time goes by it will be so natural that you don't even think. She may start to feel that maybe you don't really love the person because you're so used to thinking about the person you love. But this is one way of protecting and loving you. And the first step to loving someone else is loving yourself so we ARE on the right track.
People change. It might feel weird and different when you change yourself, but we need to ensure our own survival. When there is draught, animals migrate; they don't stay at the place they are most farmiliar with.
Monday, 4 July 2011
When friends tell you "he" is a "good guy"
You've been through it before- you fall for some guy and your mutual friends reassure you that he is a "good guy" and a "nice guy". You trust what the majority, or what these people say, because they know the dude better than you. You drop your guard and you fall in love... only to find that all is not as rosy as you had expected it to be. The guy breaks your heart and cheats your feelings and you end up broken-hearted and disheartened.
And then it's like de ja vu all over again. You know a guy and your mutual friends are as encouraging as the good ol' Chinese parents were when their sons wanted to go to the capital to take the examinations to become scholars. However, would you go down that same path again? It is true that these two guys are different, but how different are things going to be? You have a choice, how do you choose?
For one, we shouldn't rush into anything. These things often get blown out of proportion because we girls rush into relationships too easily, we give our hearts too early, without sourcing for the valuable information that will protect us from harm but which will take some time to uncover. Take it slow and easy, try to enjoy the journey of getting-to-know-you rather than the whirlwind emotional roller coaster that will lead you back to square one, at the controllers.
Don't get your hopes up either. When you don't hope, you won't be disappointed. That being said, you shouldn't be like a pessimistic weeping willow and be negative about everything. It's stupid to go, "oh he's asking me out but he's gonna quit at the last minute and leave me straded at the movies so I'd better not go." Just don't bank all your hopes on this guy and take the good things that come just as an added bonus, not an expectatin.
Also, see what is being shown, not what you want to see. If he is being a jerk, don't try to cook up excuses for him thinking, "oh but they all told me he is a nice guy, so he must be having some problems that's why he's acting like that." No, if he's acting like a jerk, he probably is one.
Keep your eyes and ears open, because once you give the keys to your heart away, you ain't able to get a locksmith should you be locked out of your own heart. You'll have to make a new heart and unless you're so used to it, it can be really difficult and painful.
And then it's like de ja vu all over again. You know a guy and your mutual friends are as encouraging as the good ol' Chinese parents were when their sons wanted to go to the capital to take the examinations to become scholars. However, would you go down that same path again? It is true that these two guys are different, but how different are things going to be? You have a choice, how do you choose?
For one, we shouldn't rush into anything. These things often get blown out of proportion because we girls rush into relationships too easily, we give our hearts too early, without sourcing for the valuable information that will protect us from harm but which will take some time to uncover. Take it slow and easy, try to enjoy the journey of getting-to-know-you rather than the whirlwind emotional roller coaster that will lead you back to square one, at the controllers.
Don't get your hopes up either. When you don't hope, you won't be disappointed. That being said, you shouldn't be like a pessimistic weeping willow and be negative about everything. It's stupid to go, "oh he's asking me out but he's gonna quit at the last minute and leave me straded at the movies so I'd better not go." Just don't bank all your hopes on this guy and take the good things that come just as an added bonus, not an expectatin.
Also, see what is being shown, not what you want to see. If he is being a jerk, don't try to cook up excuses for him thinking, "oh but they all told me he is a nice guy, so he must be having some problems that's why he's acting like that." No, if he's acting like a jerk, he probably is one.
Keep your eyes and ears open, because once you give the keys to your heart away, you ain't able to get a locksmith should you be locked out of your own heart. You'll have to make a new heart and unless you're so used to it, it can be really difficult and painful.
Sunday, 26 June 2011
People in your life
I believe that everything happens for a reason. And the people in your life, well, you meet them for certain reasons too. Of course I am not talking about the superficial reasons like getting to know the hot girl in the library or getting the number of a banker who could help you in your investments. I am talking about a deeper issue. The term "life lesson" comes to mind; and life is basically a journey in which one goes through learning whatever they have or are supposed to learn.
People appear in your life to put you through certain events and happenings so that you learn from them. These occurences may be pleasant and they may be downright dreadful. But they happen. Instead of thinking that fate has dealt you a cruel hand, ask yourself first, why did it happen. Your answer should be, for you to learn something out of the event.
The next question would then be: so, what have I learned? There is no point being bitter about anything. You could have gone through a horrible break up, you could have flunked your whole year, you could have been kicked out of the school's basketball team, you could even have lost a limb. A weak person would hide away from reality and think that they should give up on their dreams, their goals, even their lives. A strong person would ask, what now? (There is the exception of people who think they have learned all they need to and are contented with the way things are and how they have settled it and are ready to move on into the afterlife because there is nothing left in life to live for anymore. They are a different matter.)
Linking the above paragraph to the topic, people come and go. They appear in your life for a reason. It might be to help you realize a point which you have never been able to see before, it might be to screw you up. It doesn't matter. They appeared, for a reason. Your job is to find out what the reason is. A boyfriend who cheated on you could make you realize that you trust people too easily and you have to start protecting yourself. A friend could help you realize that life is just a mere dream and when you think you've had enough, it's up to you whether you want to end it or not. A critical person could help you realize that criticising other people's choices doesn't do anyone any good at all and that by doing so you would be narrowing your views in life.
As mentioned, people come and go. It doesn't matter when people appear and it matters just as little when they leave; as long as you learned something with the time you spent with them. Then your life would not be lived in vain, interacting with people will not have been a total waste of time. Because if you have learned nothing, then you'll probably be doing far better dead than alive, for living without learning and experiencing is not living at all.
People appear in your life to put you through certain events and happenings so that you learn from them. These occurences may be pleasant and they may be downright dreadful. But they happen. Instead of thinking that fate has dealt you a cruel hand, ask yourself first, why did it happen. Your answer should be, for you to learn something out of the event.
The next question would then be: so, what have I learned? There is no point being bitter about anything. You could have gone through a horrible break up, you could have flunked your whole year, you could have been kicked out of the school's basketball team, you could even have lost a limb. A weak person would hide away from reality and think that they should give up on their dreams, their goals, even their lives. A strong person would ask, what now? (There is the exception of people who think they have learned all they need to and are contented with the way things are and how they have settled it and are ready to move on into the afterlife because there is nothing left in life to live for anymore. They are a different matter.)
Linking the above paragraph to the topic, people come and go. They appear in your life for a reason. It might be to help you realize a point which you have never been able to see before, it might be to screw you up. It doesn't matter. They appeared, for a reason. Your job is to find out what the reason is. A boyfriend who cheated on you could make you realize that you trust people too easily and you have to start protecting yourself. A friend could help you realize that life is just a mere dream and when you think you've had enough, it's up to you whether you want to end it or not. A critical person could help you realize that criticising other people's choices doesn't do anyone any good at all and that by doing so you would be narrowing your views in life.
As mentioned, people come and go. It doesn't matter when people appear and it matters just as little when they leave; as long as you learned something with the time you spent with them. Then your life would not be lived in vain, interacting with people will not have been a total waste of time. Because if you have learned nothing, then you'll probably be doing far better dead than alive, for living without learning and experiencing is not living at all.
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Why status destroys a relationship
Many girls and guys make such a big fuss over being in a reltaionship. They change their Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Blog etc etc to show that they are in a relationship with whoever they are with at the moment. They splash pictures all over walls and photo albums to declare that they are in a relationship. But what is this "relationship"? It's nothing more than a verbal agreement to be exclusive.
With no contract signed and no recording of the contract, this is hardly a contract worth mentioning. The thing about this "contract" is that it comes with certain rules and expectations that are not usually clearly stated down and are prone to different inferences. It is just like when you are signing the contract after passing a job interview to be an office administrator. They do not tell you point blank WHAT you are supposed to do, but you can hardly say that it is not in your job scope when people pass you documents to print, copy and send; you are EXPECTED to do so.
Same with a relationship. When you are together with someone, there are certain rules like not sleeping with other people, no more multiple dating, saving a certain day a week for that special someone... the list goes on. Then there are those rules that are a bit stricter which people will enter into their expectations like seeing the other party everyday, texting the person "goodnight" and "good morning", no one on one outings with anyone of the opposite sex... it depends on how far you want to take it and how crazy you can get, really.
But why sign this contract in the first place? Why can't two people be in love, but not be outrightly boyfriend and girlfriend (or whatever combination)? The contract heaps on so much expectations and rules to follow that it might very well kill the romance that the relationship should be centred around. From it being a bonus and joy to see the other party when they are free, it becomes a chore to WAIT for the other party to be free to go out with you. From it being sweet when the other party randomly texts you a night goodnight message, it becomes agony when the boy/girlfriend forgets to do so. Things that were once bonuses that bring a smile to your face becomes triggers for fights when they are not given.
Is this really worth it? Why ruin love for the status and ability to tell the world that you sort of "own" the other party?
With no contract signed and no recording of the contract, this is hardly a contract worth mentioning. The thing about this "contract" is that it comes with certain rules and expectations that are not usually clearly stated down and are prone to different inferences. It is just like when you are signing the contract after passing a job interview to be an office administrator. They do not tell you point blank WHAT you are supposed to do, but you can hardly say that it is not in your job scope when people pass you documents to print, copy and send; you are EXPECTED to do so.
Same with a relationship. When you are together with someone, there are certain rules like not sleeping with other people, no more multiple dating, saving a certain day a week for that special someone... the list goes on. Then there are those rules that are a bit stricter which people will enter into their expectations like seeing the other party everyday, texting the person "goodnight" and "good morning", no one on one outings with anyone of the opposite sex... it depends on how far you want to take it and how crazy you can get, really.
But why sign this contract in the first place? Why can't two people be in love, but not be outrightly boyfriend and girlfriend (or whatever combination)? The contract heaps on so much expectations and rules to follow that it might very well kill the romance that the relationship should be centred around. From it being a bonus and joy to see the other party when they are free, it becomes a chore to WAIT for the other party to be free to go out with you. From it being sweet when the other party randomly texts you a night goodnight message, it becomes agony when the boy/girlfriend forgets to do so. Things that were once bonuses that bring a smile to your face becomes triggers for fights when they are not given.
Is this really worth it? Why ruin love for the status and ability to tell the world that you sort of "own" the other party?
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
How to help a Proud person
This was my first article on WikiHow. It garnered me a lot of views and it started my wanting to help more people. Enjoy.
Many of us have people in our lives who need help one way or another. They could be our friends, our colleagues, our spouses, our relatives, our brothers and sisters and even our parents. And, of course, if these people do matter in our lives, we want to try our best to help them. But how do we help them when they are too proud to ask or accept our help?
edit Steps
1
Wait for this person to approach you. However, clearly this may not even happen if the person is too proud. Yet, this should be your first step in helping them, namely just being patient and available if needed. A proud person usually will not ask for help, but if you do approach them first, your good intentions might offend them as they would see your approaching them as a sign that they have shown you their weakness. This will lead to them not even bothering to listen to you and you might even cause them to become angry with you. It will become much harder to be of help to them after that because they will be "wary" of you and possibly even try to stay away from you when they next have a problem. Your relationship might even become strained.
For your own sake, learn How to deal with a proud person on terms that don't belittle you. Helping such a person is one thing but turning into bait for their cynicism, arrogance, and superiority is quite another.
2
Consider finding someone they respect to broach the topic with them. Usually, a proud person thinks highly of themselves; and not too highly of anyone else. However, most people have at least one person around them that they look up to, such as a mentor, an educator, a boss, or a charismatic family member. And usually this person will be the only person whose criticism and views your proud friend will accept. Find this person and get him/her to go up to the proud person and talk about their unwillingness to accept help from others and how this is potentially causing them harm. If he or she is able to advise your friend that would be great, if not they can always influence your proud friend to seek help from you or someone else who can help.
3
Give them advice but also try your best to make your "advice" seem like it is something they have thought of themselves. By now you may have gotten your proud friend to come to talk to you. That's a great step. Now is the time for giving your proud friend some advice. But how do you give advice to someone who thinks too highly of him/herself and who is not open to what you have to say? You give the advice in a way whereby it sounds like they had formulated the solution by themselves:
Use words like "Don't you think..." , "You told me before..." , "You seem to know...", "I remember that you once said/did..."
Try to make it seem like they had the answers in them all along and you're just trying to help them to remember that they already have all the solutions to their lives. Sure, this means you need to be humble but you wouldn't be trying if you didn't care enough.
4
Consider the following scenario of talking to a proud person (PP) who is going through a difficult time after a breakup with her boyfriend. It will give you an idea of the script of things to say:
(YOU): I remember that when I broke up with John you were the one who told me to be strong.
(PP): So are you telling me now that I am weak?!
(YOU): Definitely not, you're one of the strongest people I know and you were the one who helped me out so much when I was down.
(PP): Well I am not down.
(YOU): Yeah I know, you're definitely too strong. Don't you think he's not worth it though? I know you look pretty even when you cry but crying will definitely cause puffy eyes.
(PP): Well, yeah I know but don't think I can help it.
(YOU): You seem to always know what to do so come on cheer up; let's go for a movie!
5
If they need money and are too proud to accept help, offer them work that they're good at. "Oh man, I can't keep up with everything. I have to do this and I have to do that and go here and the other thing and (lawn care, baby sitting, pet sitting/feeding, dog walking, house cleaning, sorting stuff in an attic, organizing papers for tax time, fixing an old computer or home repairs, any one off odd job or recurring odd job)." Then throw the clincher. "I could hire someone for it but I don't think I'd trust someone who wasn't a friend to be around my house, pets, kids. I'll pay you what I would a professional but it would ease my mind to know it's you. They know you. You know what I want." No mention of their being unemployed, just how much you need help and trust them. Do NOT underpay the proud person when offering work, pay what you would to get a stranger from an agency to do it. You're getting better quality work and you're not risking a stranger into your home. Someone that proud is probably perfectionist and will over perform once accepting the job.
6
Finesse your approach and strategies as you proceed. Sometimes the proud person may feel resentful that you've helped them and other times they may realize that without you, they could not have managed. You might just need to accept their rollercoaster of emotions about accepting your help and simply not take it personally, ever. What is important is:
Keep your own sense of self intact; you are available for this person when it doesn't come at a great cost to yourself, in just the same way as with all your friends, family members, and other people you care about.
Notice when they are barricading themselves from your help at the expense of others in their lives, such as children or teens that they're responsible for. You can always offer to babysit or clean, or anything else – doing so might give this person the break they need to get other things done, while those they're responsible for get a break from their stubbornness.
Don't take to heart their resentment or their ever-changing, ambiguous responsiveness. Pride is a curious thing that causes people to think that they can do it all, only to trap them into doing it all, and then causing them to believe that others want them to do it all. Some of what the proud person expresses is often frustration and resentment at themselves for getting into this bind in the first place!
7
Let the proud person help you. Two proud people make for a very uncomfortable relationship. Don't be too proud to let this person help you. Indeed, the moment they do, you owe them and can swiftly remind them of the debt being repaid when you offer them help back! Choose something that comes easy to them and ask for help unselfconsciously, offer it as a bargain. "Hey, I'm lost when it comes to sorting out my taxes. You're so incredibly good with numbers and that sort of thing - I would be so grateful I'd fix your dinners for a week." (If the proud person is fighting physical disability this is a very gracious way to get them to accept that they really should not be standing at the stove cooking. And besides, they may be good at a lot of sit down things!)
8
Do things totally unrelated to helping. Chill and have fun together. It's not all about serious things; even amid the hard times when help is needed, find space for having fun together. It'll ease the tension, lighten things up, and cause the proud person to see that you really do care about them as a whole person and not just being a busybody when they're in obvious need.
9
Pray for them. Enlisting a higher force first as your accomplice can be an invaluable asset. You'll be guided when to approach and how, and the other person may directly receive an insight into his or her predicament, which they could have never seen on their own. You'll be surprised when you begin to see helping others as an opportunity to grow yourself and see for what purpose this situation has come up in your life!
Tips
Try to stroke their ego as you give advice. Being humble yourself and finding compliments for them will go a long way to breaking down their pride barrier.
Listen to them. Sometimes pride results from feeling that others don't take the time to listen, so the proud person shuts everyone out because they feel unheard. Give them the space to open up by actively listening.
Warnings
If you anger them, you might lose the friendship/relationship. If you're not confident that they will take it the right way, it's best that you leave them to deal with things on their own.
If their inability to cope is impacting people in their care, be prepared to be more forthright in your determination to help. It isn't appropriate for dependents to be harmed as a result of someone else's pride.
Often pride is a side effect of an actually very insecure persons. A lot of the seeming overconfidence is actually the person convincing ones self that they are 'great'. Which also is why many 'Proud People' are poor listeners because it is hard to hear very much else aside from the sound of their own selves convincing themselves of their superior existence.
Many of us have people in our lives who need help one way or another. They could be our friends, our colleagues, our spouses, our relatives, our brothers and sisters and even our parents. And, of course, if these people do matter in our lives, we want to try our best to help them. But how do we help them when they are too proud to ask or accept our help?
edit Steps
1
Wait for this person to approach you. However, clearly this may not even happen if the person is too proud. Yet, this should be your first step in helping them, namely just being patient and available if needed. A proud person usually will not ask for help, but if you do approach them first, your good intentions might offend them as they would see your approaching them as a sign that they have shown you their weakness. This will lead to them not even bothering to listen to you and you might even cause them to become angry with you. It will become much harder to be of help to them after that because they will be "wary" of you and possibly even try to stay away from you when they next have a problem. Your relationship might even become strained.
For your own sake, learn How to deal with a proud person on terms that don't belittle you. Helping such a person is one thing but turning into bait for their cynicism, arrogance, and superiority is quite another.
2
Consider finding someone they respect to broach the topic with them. Usually, a proud person thinks highly of themselves; and not too highly of anyone else. However, most people have at least one person around them that they look up to, such as a mentor, an educator, a boss, or a charismatic family member. And usually this person will be the only person whose criticism and views your proud friend will accept. Find this person and get him/her to go up to the proud person and talk about their unwillingness to accept help from others and how this is potentially causing them harm. If he or she is able to advise your friend that would be great, if not they can always influence your proud friend to seek help from you or someone else who can help.
3
Give them advice but also try your best to make your "advice" seem like it is something they have thought of themselves. By now you may have gotten your proud friend to come to talk to you. That's a great step. Now is the time for giving your proud friend some advice. But how do you give advice to someone who thinks too highly of him/herself and who is not open to what you have to say? You give the advice in a way whereby it sounds like they had formulated the solution by themselves:
Use words like "Don't you think..." , "You told me before..." , "You seem to know...", "I remember that you once said/did..."
Try to make it seem like they had the answers in them all along and you're just trying to help them to remember that they already have all the solutions to their lives. Sure, this means you need to be humble but you wouldn't be trying if you didn't care enough.
4
Consider the following scenario of talking to a proud person (PP) who is going through a difficult time after a breakup with her boyfriend. It will give you an idea of the script of things to say:
(YOU): I remember that when I broke up with John you were the one who told me to be strong.
(PP): So are you telling me now that I am weak?!
(YOU): Definitely not, you're one of the strongest people I know and you were the one who helped me out so much when I was down.
(PP): Well I am not down.
(YOU): Yeah I know, you're definitely too strong. Don't you think he's not worth it though? I know you look pretty even when you cry but crying will definitely cause puffy eyes.
(PP): Well, yeah I know but don't think I can help it.
(YOU): You seem to always know what to do so come on cheer up; let's go for a movie!
5
If they need money and are too proud to accept help, offer them work that they're good at. "Oh man, I can't keep up with everything. I have to do this and I have to do that and go here and the other thing and (lawn care, baby sitting, pet sitting/feeding, dog walking, house cleaning, sorting stuff in an attic, organizing papers for tax time, fixing an old computer or home repairs, any one off odd job or recurring odd job)." Then throw the clincher. "I could hire someone for it but I don't think I'd trust someone who wasn't a friend to be around my house, pets, kids. I'll pay you what I would a professional but it would ease my mind to know it's you. They know you. You know what I want." No mention of their being unemployed, just how much you need help and trust them. Do NOT underpay the proud person when offering work, pay what you would to get a stranger from an agency to do it. You're getting better quality work and you're not risking a stranger into your home. Someone that proud is probably perfectionist and will over perform once accepting the job.
6
Finesse your approach and strategies as you proceed. Sometimes the proud person may feel resentful that you've helped them and other times they may realize that without you, they could not have managed. You might just need to accept their rollercoaster of emotions about accepting your help and simply not take it personally, ever. What is important is:
Keep your own sense of self intact; you are available for this person when it doesn't come at a great cost to yourself, in just the same way as with all your friends, family members, and other people you care about.
Notice when they are barricading themselves from your help at the expense of others in their lives, such as children or teens that they're responsible for. You can always offer to babysit or clean, or anything else – doing so might give this person the break they need to get other things done, while those they're responsible for get a break from their stubbornness.
Don't take to heart their resentment or their ever-changing, ambiguous responsiveness. Pride is a curious thing that causes people to think that they can do it all, only to trap them into doing it all, and then causing them to believe that others want them to do it all. Some of what the proud person expresses is often frustration and resentment at themselves for getting into this bind in the first place!
7
Let the proud person help you. Two proud people make for a very uncomfortable relationship. Don't be too proud to let this person help you. Indeed, the moment they do, you owe them and can swiftly remind them of the debt being repaid when you offer them help back! Choose something that comes easy to them and ask for help unselfconsciously, offer it as a bargain. "Hey, I'm lost when it comes to sorting out my taxes. You're so incredibly good with numbers and that sort of thing - I would be so grateful I'd fix your dinners for a week." (If the proud person is fighting physical disability this is a very gracious way to get them to accept that they really should not be standing at the stove cooking. And besides, they may be good at a lot of sit down things!)
8
Do things totally unrelated to helping. Chill and have fun together. It's not all about serious things; even amid the hard times when help is needed, find space for having fun together. It'll ease the tension, lighten things up, and cause the proud person to see that you really do care about them as a whole person and not just being a busybody when they're in obvious need.
9
Pray for them. Enlisting a higher force first as your accomplice can be an invaluable asset. You'll be guided when to approach and how, and the other person may directly receive an insight into his or her predicament, which they could have never seen on their own. You'll be surprised when you begin to see helping others as an opportunity to grow yourself and see for what purpose this situation has come up in your life!
Tips
Try to stroke their ego as you give advice. Being humble yourself and finding compliments for them will go a long way to breaking down their pride barrier.
Listen to them. Sometimes pride results from feeling that others don't take the time to listen, so the proud person shuts everyone out because they feel unheard. Give them the space to open up by actively listening.
Warnings
If you anger them, you might lose the friendship/relationship. If you're not confident that they will take it the right way, it's best that you leave them to deal with things on their own.
If their inability to cope is impacting people in their care, be prepared to be more forthright in your determination to help. It isn't appropriate for dependents to be harmed as a result of someone else's pride.
Often pride is a side effect of an actually very insecure persons. A lot of the seeming overconfidence is actually the person convincing ones self that they are 'great'. Which also is why many 'Proud People' are poor listeners because it is hard to hear very much else aside from the sound of their own selves convincing themselves of their superior existence.
I can stroke your Ego... but...
Have you guys ever bumped into someone so stuck up, arrogant, know-it-all and so.... egoistic that many people in their lives can't stand them? I have. In fact, I am drawn to people like that. Not really. I am drawn to guys with pride. I like it when a guy is sure of himself and knows how to tell people that he knows what he is doing; smart guys are a plus because they can back up their pride with their smarts.
Thing is, you can be smart, you can be strong and you can be so good in something that it warrants you to be proud, but there is a fine, very very fine line, between pround and cocky/arrogant/MCP/just a plain ol' assh*le.
Disclaimer: I am NOT talking about any ONE person in particular. I just have this group of guys in my life who are like so and I want to blog about it.
I think guys with ego are sexy. Probably because my dad is rather egoistic. But he is something like the sort of guy that that described above. He always thinks he's right, you're wrong. He always responds but saying "No" first and then chooses if he wants to correct himself through the conversation. And it downright irks me. Think is my family is rather close so like they say, girls are influenced by their daddys to choose the type of guys they fall for and boy, the more I fall for guys, the closer to the characteristics of my dad do they seem to get.
NOT a good thing.
Thing with me is, I'm a virgo. No not the typical traditional and conservative virginal maiden, no. I'm a virgo when they say that virgos give a lot in a relationship and try to make the relationship into their own brand of perfection. While some people do so by seeking to change their guy/girl, I understand that I cannot change people and the only person I can change is myself. So I change myself. When I fall for a guy with ego, I've learnt to be extra accomodating to them, take their shit and egoisticism (if there is such a word) and boost their ego for them like a good ol' sounthern wifey-poo fawning over her husband. BLEAH!
I do that if I like you. If you're my friend I do that too because I treat you like my friend and I care for you. But the thing with me is, I can tolerate nonsense, but only to that extent. Once you reach the line and crosee it, boy, you expect me to continue taking shit from you?? Oh no you don't.
For those who have read my blog, or know me, they know I have something called the trigger point. And once the trigger is pulled, it's sayonara baby! You're not going to be treated the same by me ever again. I may be nice to you again, but don't take that as my default setting when I see you because it ain't. When I've had enough, it's enough. When in the past I can sit there and take shit, once the trigger is pulled, I can choose to stand up and leave anytime I want.
So yes, I can stroke your ego, I can make it swell. But know this, I only do so when I like you or when you're WORTHY of me to do so. It's NOT my default character to take things lying down. So when I am stroking your ego and being nice, don't push me to stop doing so and become the bitch that I can be.
Thing is, you can be smart, you can be strong and you can be so good in something that it warrants you to be proud, but there is a fine, very very fine line, between pround and cocky/arrogant/MCP/just a plain ol' assh*le.
Disclaimer: I am NOT talking about any ONE person in particular. I just have this group of guys in my life who are like so and I want to blog about it.
I think guys with ego are sexy. Probably because my dad is rather egoistic. But he is something like the sort of guy that that described above. He always thinks he's right, you're wrong. He always responds but saying "No" first and then chooses if he wants to correct himself through the conversation. And it downright irks me. Think is my family is rather close so like they say, girls are influenced by their daddys to choose the type of guys they fall for and boy, the more I fall for guys, the closer to the characteristics of my dad do they seem to get.
NOT a good thing.
Thing with me is, I'm a virgo. No not the typical traditional and conservative virginal maiden, no. I'm a virgo when they say that virgos give a lot in a relationship and try to make the relationship into their own brand of perfection. While some people do so by seeking to change their guy/girl, I understand that I cannot change people and the only person I can change is myself. So I change myself. When I fall for a guy with ego, I've learnt to be extra accomodating to them, take their shit and egoisticism (if there is such a word) and boost their ego for them like a good ol' sounthern wifey-poo fawning over her husband. BLEAH!
I do that if I like you. If you're my friend I do that too because I treat you like my friend and I care for you. But the thing with me is, I can tolerate nonsense, but only to that extent. Once you reach the line and crosee it, boy, you expect me to continue taking shit from you?? Oh no you don't.
For those who have read my blog, or know me, they know I have something called the trigger point. And once the trigger is pulled, it's sayonara baby! You're not going to be treated the same by me ever again. I may be nice to you again, but don't take that as my default setting when I see you because it ain't. When I've had enough, it's enough. When in the past I can sit there and take shit, once the trigger is pulled, I can choose to stand up and leave anytime I want.
So yes, I can stroke your ego, I can make it swell. But know this, I only do so when I like you or when you're WORTHY of me to do so. It's NOT my default character to take things lying down. So when I am stroking your ego and being nice, don't push me to stop doing so and become the bitch that I can be.
New Muay Thai Blog
Ok so I have transferred all my Muay Thai Posts to another blog, Fighting My Own Battle, so that I can better focus on that as my Muay Thai Training Journal and have this blog as my Inspiration and Inner Me blog.
I find that having a training journal really helps. I had that when our coach made us do so for canoeing in SRJC. It really does help. Hopefully I can do well in Muay Thai. Can't wait till after exams!!
I find that having a training journal really helps. I had that when our coach made us do so for canoeing in SRJC. It really does help. Hopefully I can do well in Muay Thai. Can't wait till after exams!!
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Relationships: "Window Shopping"
A few months back, I had a conversation with a friend who was having problems wooing a girl and he was rather stressed up about it. I gave him the idea of window shopping.
A relationship is not an easy process; neither is it something that will make you happy all the time. It is something that has a lot of ups and downs and sometimes there will be consecutive "down-times" which will drain you emotionally and physically. Thus, a relationship is not something for you to jump into that quickly. That's why we have "Window Shopping".
We "window shop" until we find a suitable article of clothing for us to part our money with; tranlated into relationship terms, we go about looking at the various choices of people until we find one that fits our criteria and is worth us spending our time and effort to build a relationship with.
One thing about Window Shopping is that we have to take our time and understand that as long as our "money" is with us, no one can force us to part with the "money" to invest it in them. If the color of the shirt isn't what we want, don't buy it. If the sleeves are too short, don't buy it. If there are too few buttons for your liking, don't buy it.
Sometimes, we come across a shirt that has everything we want in it's design, like my friend did; the buttons were the perfect shape, the color was his favourite, the shirt would make him look awesome. The only thing is, it was one size too small. In relationship terms, the girl was perfect, everything he wanted in a future wife, but she didn't appear interested and was stringing him along. So there is that one flaw. And that one flaw would be a fatal flaw.
So I asked him, given that you are window shopping and you fell for this "shirt" but you know that it is one size too small, why force yourself into the shirt and wear it knowing it will be uncomfortable? The "Mall" is so big, just go to a new store and find a better "Shirt" out there.
To me there is no such thing as "The Best", there is only the "Good Enough For You". There will always be someone better out there, all we do is to open our eyes to look. But when you find someone who is good enough for you and settle down... well that's that then. But till then, feel free to window shop so that you do not invest in a "shirt" that will make you part with your money and then give you problems like color running and shrinking. Buy a shirt that fits.
A relationship is not an easy process; neither is it something that will make you happy all the time. It is something that has a lot of ups and downs and sometimes there will be consecutive "down-times" which will drain you emotionally and physically. Thus, a relationship is not something for you to jump into that quickly. That's why we have "Window Shopping".
We "window shop" until we find a suitable article of clothing for us to part our money with; tranlated into relationship terms, we go about looking at the various choices of people until we find one that fits our criteria and is worth us spending our time and effort to build a relationship with.
One thing about Window Shopping is that we have to take our time and understand that as long as our "money" is with us, no one can force us to part with the "money" to invest it in them. If the color of the shirt isn't what we want, don't buy it. If the sleeves are too short, don't buy it. If there are too few buttons for your liking, don't buy it.
Sometimes, we come across a shirt that has everything we want in it's design, like my friend did; the buttons were the perfect shape, the color was his favourite, the shirt would make him look awesome. The only thing is, it was one size too small. In relationship terms, the girl was perfect, everything he wanted in a future wife, but she didn't appear interested and was stringing him along. So there is that one flaw. And that one flaw would be a fatal flaw.
So I asked him, given that you are window shopping and you fell for this "shirt" but you know that it is one size too small, why force yourself into the shirt and wear it knowing it will be uncomfortable? The "Mall" is so big, just go to a new store and find a better "Shirt" out there.
To me there is no such thing as "The Best", there is only the "Good Enough For You". There will always be someone better out there, all we do is to open our eyes to look. But when you find someone who is good enough for you and settle down... well that's that then. But till then, feel free to window shop so that you do not invest in a "shirt" that will make you part with your money and then give you problems like color running and shrinking. Buy a shirt that fits.
Teenage Angst
I wrote this awhile back when I was having problems with my parents. My views may have shifted since than but they are still valid for many teens out there.
All Parents damage their kids; one way or another. They can damage in the form of physical abuse and also emotional abuse; and the thing is, most parents never ever think that they are in the wrong. Maybe it’s the Asian way where by the elders are always right and they are usually too proud to ever acknowledge that they are wrong. But then again I seldom hear of parents apologising to their kids.
To me, emotional abuse is much worse than physical abuse. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been physically abused and all, unlike the Child Called It, but I sure as hell have been emotionally abused. Every. Single. Day. There is not one day of rest in this turmoil that I go through. My folks hurl abuse like they are hurling snowballs in a snow fight. They say stuff like I’m worse than a dog, they do not understand why they have a daughter like me, why can’t I be like so-and-so, you’re worse than a boy (because I didn’t help out much, in their eyes, in the house moving... like what????), bloody hell, you can go to hell, etc etc.
Alright, this may not be the worse but you get my drift. Imagine having needles poked into you every day. Accumulated, it hurts. Some of the stuff they say are in mandarin and the meaning is hard to put across so I’ll skip those. But hey, think about it, you have enemies outside who call you all the shit that they can. You come home, and you hear the same shit from people who swear they “are the ones who love you the most in the world.” Doesn’t make sense to me. I know some people might say they do this for your own good but come on people, deep down you know it’s for your own good but come take this every single day and tell me if you won’t hate them enough to forget that it’s for your own good and want to take a cleaver and slice them into two. Many small things build up to become one huge problem.
So..... please do think before you act parents. And to those who are gonna be parents, I guess we will have to remember that kids are human and they grow and they have the same capacity to love, or hate, as we do. You don’t want to be hated by the people whom you claim to love the most in the world, jolly well think before you say or do any shit.
All Parents damage their kids; one way or another. They can damage in the form of physical abuse and also emotional abuse; and the thing is, most parents never ever think that they are in the wrong. Maybe it’s the Asian way where by the elders are always right and they are usually too proud to ever acknowledge that they are wrong. But then again I seldom hear of parents apologising to their kids.
To me, emotional abuse is much worse than physical abuse. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been physically abused and all, unlike the Child Called It, but I sure as hell have been emotionally abused. Every. Single. Day. There is not one day of rest in this turmoil that I go through. My folks hurl abuse like they are hurling snowballs in a snow fight. They say stuff like I’m worse than a dog, they do not understand why they have a daughter like me, why can’t I be like so-and-so, you’re worse than a boy (because I didn’t help out much, in their eyes, in the house moving... like what????), bloody hell, you can go to hell, etc etc.
Alright, this may not be the worse but you get my drift. Imagine having needles poked into you every day. Accumulated, it hurts. Some of the stuff they say are in mandarin and the meaning is hard to put across so I’ll skip those. But hey, think about it, you have enemies outside who call you all the shit that they can. You come home, and you hear the same shit from people who swear they “are the ones who love you the most in the world.” Doesn’t make sense to me. I know some people might say they do this for your own good but come on people, deep down you know it’s for your own good but come take this every single day and tell me if you won’t hate them enough to forget that it’s for your own good and want to take a cleaver and slice them into two. Many small things build up to become one huge problem.
So..... please do think before you act parents. And to those who are gonna be parents, I guess we will have to remember that kids are human and they grow and they have the same capacity to love, or hate, as we do. You don’t want to be hated by the people whom you claim to love the most in the world, jolly well think before you say or do any shit.
Start Loving Yourself
"You know you truely love yourself when you find that Break Outs hurt you more than Break Ups" - Me
Yep I sincerely believe in what I said above. When you have a break out and you flip because you love yourself and you do not want to be in that state where your beauty is being demolished by pimples, it shows that you care about yourself. When you break up and you cry and mop around it's because you feel like you've lost someone. WHO THE HELL DOES THIS SOMEONE THINK HE OR SHE IS?? Why do you have to cry over them??
It's fine for you to cry over your beauty, girl! Because YOU are important. So love yourself because there ain't anyone more important than you! So dry them tears for that no-good-son-of-a-bitch who screwed you up and save them tears for emergencies involving you!
Yep I sincerely believe in what I said above. When you have a break out and you flip because you love yourself and you do not want to be in that state where your beauty is being demolished by pimples, it shows that you care about yourself. When you break up and you cry and mop around it's because you feel like you've lost someone. WHO THE HELL DOES THIS SOMEONE THINK HE OR SHE IS?? Why do you have to cry over them??
It's fine for you to cry over your beauty, girl! Because YOU are important. So love yourself because there ain't anyone more important than you! So dry them tears for that no-good-son-of-a-bitch who screwed you up and save them tears for emergencies involving you!
Sunday, 10 April 2011
Protecting yourself: The Wall
It's a shame how so many of us get taken in by fakeness... When I see what I see now, I feel pity for the people taken in by the false front; I am also amused though, which is weird for I should be feeling upset? Haha, I guess I've really proven my point, gone were the days where I will feel sad or torment myself with "what-ifs" and memories.
I always like to say "to each his own". I am happy that I am moving forward and actually learning (yes I am still capable at learning at past 20) LOL. I see that people who hide themselves very well can put on a mask very well because they have made themselves into a blank wall with which no one can figure out. It is thus very easy for them to draw out whatever they want people to see and as people do not know of the meaning of the blank wall, they take the newly decorated wall as the actual image of the person.
A smart technique; I have to give them that.
However, once you knock down the wall everything becomes much clearer. You see that behind the wall is a room and it is in this clutter or emptiness that is the person's true self. Once you knock down the wall, and you know how everything was actually an illusion, a distraction, you can never bring the wall back up again. It will be hard to trust that particular person again because you will forever be on your guard.
The worst thing is when you already know about the mask, and know that you should be on guard, yet, you let your guard slip as you admire the graffiti on the wall and soon you get taken in by it. The only way out is to finally see that it is a wall again. Then you can get out of it.
I pity those who have the come up against such walls, but I am proud of those who have seen through them. Yet I seek to learn the technique to build such walls as they may come in handy. After all, the other extreme, the open book, will make us suffer more hurt than if we were to have a wall.
I always like to say "to each his own". I am happy that I am moving forward and actually learning (yes I am still capable at learning at past 20) LOL. I see that people who hide themselves very well can put on a mask very well because they have made themselves into a blank wall with which no one can figure out. It is thus very easy for them to draw out whatever they want people to see and as people do not know of the meaning of the blank wall, they take the newly decorated wall as the actual image of the person.
A smart technique; I have to give them that.
However, once you knock down the wall everything becomes much clearer. You see that behind the wall is a room and it is in this clutter or emptiness that is the person's true self. Once you knock down the wall, and you know how everything was actually an illusion, a distraction, you can never bring the wall back up again. It will be hard to trust that particular person again because you will forever be on your guard.
The worst thing is when you already know about the mask, and know that you should be on guard, yet, you let your guard slip as you admire the graffiti on the wall and soon you get taken in by it. The only way out is to finally see that it is a wall again. Then you can get out of it.
I pity those who have the come up against such walls, but I am proud of those who have seen through them. Yet I seek to learn the technique to build such walls as they may come in handy. After all, the other extreme, the open book, will make us suffer more hurt than if we were to have a wall.
Saturday, 9 April 2011
Honestly?
I find no need to share my feelings and thoughts with someone who doesn't share theirs with me. Why keep asking all the questions and I have to keep answering them? I refuse. And if the friendship turns sour, they only have themselves to blame. May God bless them that one day they will know why majority of the world don't like them.
Did you really think I was that weak?
I did. In fact I never knew I was this strong. It was only after talking to a good friend that I realised what the situation was in front of me. I was out to prove something to myself. And it was a bonus that the process was rather enjoyable too. All this time I was actually giving myself an illusion because I was so used to a specific sort of situation. In the end I realise that I put myself in that position for a mission. I was like a spy who had lost his identity and memory during the mission and was totally drawn into it and suddenly, I remembered what I started out to do. I woke up. And waking up never felt so good because it was like a spark and suddenly the mission was complete. It was that easy. I've said this before, I work with triggers; and today I found my trigger and the bullet just exploded from the barrel. I am thankful for this mission though, learned a lot, and I mean a lot be it physically or emotionally.
Mission Complete; Pack up.
Mission Complete; Pack up.
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
:)
I honestly think I'm kinda blessed. Hahahaha.... When you are in situations whereby each time round, it gets better and better, well, you should be real happy. Ofcourse when you hit the best and then the next plummets to be below average you kinda get sad hahahaa..
Right now... all I got to focus on about this is not to fall in love. Shouldn't be a problem.... right?....
Right now... all I got to focus on about this is not to fall in love. Shouldn't be a problem.... right?....
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Friday, 1 April 2011
April Fool's day
Hahaha... oh Cadeo~ LOL My first victim!!! Haven't done a prank in forever!!! Actually I've not done it before at all!! LOL
Thursday, 31 March 2011
De Ja Vu?
Hmmm Kinda? In a way? Old feelings that I kept inside me for so long has been rekindled. Not a good thing. It's not exactly the fear and sadness that I used to feel when Jerome showed his anger and all that... but hints of them do come back. I used to say sorry a lot. I used to try to patch things back up. I used to be the one to apologise first, ask for his forgiveness first, tell him everything is alright even when his apology falls short, take all the blame and grovel for him to start talking to me again. I refuse to do such things ever again and thus I set my foot down rather firmly.
I may lose a friend. But I cannot risk losing myself again.
Some may say I am egoistic when I refuse to try to strike up a conversation to patch things back up again. But I don't think I have any other choice. I don't want to walk the same routes again. I really don't think it is the ego which drives me, more of the fear that if I were to do things like how I did with him, I'll be treated like how I was treated back then. It is something that I cannot and will not tolerate.
At the end of the day I realise that people do things that I did because they care a lot about the other party, enough to put down their pride. I think of doing it, I want to do it, but I know I cannot because if I were to fall I fear that I may not be able to climb back up again. And on the other side, if the person can do so but does not.... then... I guess my friendship does not mean much. We shall part with both sides giving the apology but without either side taking the step to reach over again to shake the other's hand as a friend....
I may lose a friend. But I cannot risk losing myself again.
Some may say I am egoistic when I refuse to try to strike up a conversation to patch things back up again. But I don't think I have any other choice. I don't want to walk the same routes again. I really don't think it is the ego which drives me, more of the fear that if I were to do things like how I did with him, I'll be treated like how I was treated back then. It is something that I cannot and will not tolerate.
At the end of the day I realise that people do things that I did because they care a lot about the other party, enough to put down their pride. I think of doing it, I want to do it, but I know I cannot because if I were to fall I fear that I may not be able to climb back up again. And on the other side, if the person can do so but does not.... then... I guess my friendship does not mean much. We shall part with both sides giving the apology but without either side taking the step to reach over again to shake the other's hand as a friend....
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Wait...
No..... wait my last post had a "blame it on me".... NO MEL! I'm done with blaming myself. I am who I am. If people can't take it, then it's their problem. Just got to find someone who can then. And I have friends who can so it shouldn't be a problem. =)) I'm not going to move back to the old me ever again~!
I've felt this way before.
Hmmmm haven't cried over someone for awhile now. And I feel the tears coming again. Blame it on the me who goes keyboard happy and starts typing stuff that comes to mind, not know that they sound harsh or critical. Then again these stuff always happen. They are kinda out of the ordinary. Mostly when people play a fool with me I tend to laugh it off, tolerating because I see them as friends. Maybe I shouldn't do that? But I can't seem to stay angry with friends for long and that is probably my downfall. Accepting people seems so easy at first but then they see that you are ok with how they act and then they do it again and again and again. And you'd think that after that you two would get closer? But one time, you tell them stuff on your mind, and are critical with them, they can't take it. It's just not the "you" they are used to. This "new you" is so icky and harsh and critical and antagonizing. Well... it doesn't mean you can take their shit so they can take yours you know. And I guess thats where true friends stand out.
I count Victoria and Delvinder as two of my bestest friends because, well, we are tolerant to each other at times and dish out shit to each other at times. It's those times when they receive your shit yet still continue to be friends with you, that you know that they are really good friends. There can be no smooth sailing friendships. But I find accepting criticism and dishing it out are what makes friendships stronger. It's a make or break thing. And when some friendships break, well, it's better to lose those friends than continue with them, get closer to them, only to let them break you when you finally see that they can't take shit. LOL
I count Victoria and Delvinder as two of my bestest friends because, well, we are tolerant to each other at times and dish out shit to each other at times. It's those times when they receive your shit yet still continue to be friends with you, that you know that they are really good friends. There can be no smooth sailing friendships. But I find accepting criticism and dishing it out are what makes friendships stronger. It's a make or break thing. And when some friendships break, well, it's better to lose those friends than continue with them, get closer to them, only to let them break you when you finally see that they can't take shit. LOL
Sunday, 27 March 2011
I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son,
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son,
I don't have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls in one,
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from,
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,
Or who I'm supposed to be,
I don't wanna be anything other than me,
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn,
I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn,
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn,
Am I the only one to notice?
I can't be the only one who's learned,
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,
Or who I'm supposed to be,
I don't wanna be anything other than me,
Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave,
I came from the mountains,
The crust of creation,
My whole situation made from clay to stone,
And now I'm telling everybody,
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,
Or who I'm supposed to be,
I don't wanna be anything other than me,
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,
Or who I'm supposed to be,
I don't wanna be anything other than me,
I don't wanna be, hey yeah, hey yeah,
I don't wanna be, oh, oh, oh,
I don't wanna be,
I don't wanna be anything,
Anything other than me,
I don't wanna be (hey yeah, yeah),
I don't wanna be (hey yeah, yeah),
I don't wanna be (hey yeah, yeah),
Hey yeah, yeah,
Hey yeah, yeah.
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son,
I don't have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls in one,
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from,
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,
Or who I'm supposed to be,
I don't wanna be anything other than me,
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn,
I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn,
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn,
Am I the only one to notice?
I can't be the only one who's learned,
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,
Or who I'm supposed to be,
I don't wanna be anything other than me,
Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave,
I came from the mountains,
The crust of creation,
My whole situation made from clay to stone,
And now I'm telling everybody,
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,
Or who I'm supposed to be,
I don't wanna be anything other than me,
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,
Or who I'm supposed to be,
I don't wanna be anything other than me,
I don't wanna be, hey yeah, hey yeah,
I don't wanna be, oh, oh, oh,
I don't wanna be,
I don't wanna be anything,
Anything other than me,
I don't wanna be (hey yeah, yeah),
I don't wanna be (hey yeah, yeah),
I don't wanna be (hey yeah, yeah),
Hey yeah, yeah,
Hey yeah, yeah.
Why is my Blog named "Finding My Direction"?
It's simple. Because to me, life is all about finding my direction. To me, life is a journey where death is the end. Through life, we have to find our directions so that we can walk through the journey of life. We can take wrong or right turns. It doesn't matter. What matters is that through these turns, we find the puzzle pieces to for who we are. Life would be joyful but utterly meaningless if we get everything right the first time. For example, the person a lot of our parents want us to be- The smart and inquisitive kid, the knowledgable scholar, the high flying executive, the happy family man or wife, the old person with a large pension and then the person who died peacefully in their sleep. Yes, that would be a perfect life; there is nothing bad that happens in that life right? What what type of adventure is that? When everything falls into place just like that, and there is no pain, no hardship, no sadness and no hunger, is there any true learning? For me, the largest happiness in life is when I have done something wrong and suddenly it comes to me with a snap of the finger as to how I can make myself right again. I grow stronger through hardship. I grow fiercer through pain. I become hardier through sadness. And I become more ambitious with hunger.
When we are young, we should make mistakes. Make a ton of them if we want to. When we grow older, and the song "If I knew then what I know now" plays in our heads, we should be happy because we have grown for us to notice our mistakes. Here, there are two ways to go about it. One is to be sorrowful that we had made such mistakes. Two is being happy to finally see these mistakes and get out of it. It would be a happier case if right now we are doing fine when we are old, that means we must have done something right to counter our wrongs when we were younger. And most of the time, this is what happens. Except that people wallow in selfpity too much to realise that the success that they are today is because of their failures before and their ability to save their asses in times of crisis.
I just had a tiff with my mother. Through which she disagreed with what I had said above totally. She found it very hurtful and hard to speak to me when I think this way and she keeps telling me my mindset will change when I get older. I have never once denied that my mindset will change when I get older. In fact I expect it. What she doesn't realise is that that is what I was saying in the above; that I will be making mistakes now when I am young but will realise it in due time aka when I am older.
She has no right to say what I think is wrong. What she can say though is that this may be a mistake but I will learn that it is a mistake. We have to find our own way in life. She reminds me of Jerome, who told me off for writing what I felt on the blog, even when it was a private one. In a sense, he is telling me that my thoughts are wrong and what I think shouldn't be this way. My thoughts belong to me. No one can tell me what I should or should not think. You should be goddamned happy that I am opening up my thoughts to you. This means that I trust you enough. But for you to judge my thoughts is a disappointment to me. No matter how idiotic a person's views are, or how much against my views are their views, I never tell the person they are wrong because I feel everyone is entitled to their own thoughts. And I know that their thoughts will change in the future. So why give them flak for their thoughts now?
This is the difference between my parents and I. I believe everyone is free to think how they like. And everyone's thinking changes. When they tell me their thinking, I am honoured that they share their thoughts with me. And my thoughts are forever fluid, because change is the only constant. I promise myself not to be like my parents in this way. I do not want to have a fixed set of ideals that cannot be changed and that I want to enforce on everyone else by telling them that they are thinking it wrongly and that my way is the right way. There is no One Best Way in life. I will stand by what I think, I will debate, I will share my side of the story. But my side of the story is not fixed in stone. And I hope neither will others'.
When we are young, we should make mistakes. Make a ton of them if we want to. When we grow older, and the song "If I knew then what I know now" plays in our heads, we should be happy because we have grown for us to notice our mistakes. Here, there are two ways to go about it. One is to be sorrowful that we had made such mistakes. Two is being happy to finally see these mistakes and get out of it. It would be a happier case if right now we are doing fine when we are old, that means we must have done something right to counter our wrongs when we were younger. And most of the time, this is what happens. Except that people wallow in selfpity too much to realise that the success that they are today is because of their failures before and their ability to save their asses in times of crisis.
I just had a tiff with my mother. Through which she disagreed with what I had said above totally. She found it very hurtful and hard to speak to me when I think this way and she keeps telling me my mindset will change when I get older. I have never once denied that my mindset will change when I get older. In fact I expect it. What she doesn't realise is that that is what I was saying in the above; that I will be making mistakes now when I am young but will realise it in due time aka when I am older.
She has no right to say what I think is wrong. What she can say though is that this may be a mistake but I will learn that it is a mistake. We have to find our own way in life. She reminds me of Jerome, who told me off for writing what I felt on the blog, even when it was a private one. In a sense, he is telling me that my thoughts are wrong and what I think shouldn't be this way. My thoughts belong to me. No one can tell me what I should or should not think. You should be goddamned happy that I am opening up my thoughts to you. This means that I trust you enough. But for you to judge my thoughts is a disappointment to me. No matter how idiotic a person's views are, or how much against my views are their views, I never tell the person they are wrong because I feel everyone is entitled to their own thoughts. And I know that their thoughts will change in the future. So why give them flak for their thoughts now?
This is the difference between my parents and I. I believe everyone is free to think how they like. And everyone's thinking changes. When they tell me their thinking, I am honoured that they share their thoughts with me. And my thoughts are forever fluid, because change is the only constant. I promise myself not to be like my parents in this way. I do not want to have a fixed set of ideals that cannot be changed and that I want to enforce on everyone else by telling them that they are thinking it wrongly and that my way is the right way. There is no One Best Way in life. I will stand by what I think, I will debate, I will share my side of the story. But my side of the story is not fixed in stone. And I hope neither will others'.
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
if the amt of effort put in is not going to get me 40% and above then dont put in so much effort
ok what seems to make you wanna hold on is that you're scared you can't find a girl better than her or as good as her or as close to your match.
would you rather a girl who has a perfect character that you want but is playing you like a oyo or a girl who is a bit off what you want but not too much but loves you for everything you stand forlove is enjoyed when the other party loves you tooone sided love cannot work.
then you gotta learn there is no princess of your dreamsthere is the ms good enoughand most of the time miss good enough can make you happy.
because you're idealistic.
maybe after you've failed to have the love of all the Princess will you finally see that what you had all along was the best thing it's just that you keep giving it up for something that you dream of but can never really happenit takes a long time for some pplgotta get their heart brokenof course got some ppl find princess and live happily ever afterbut a lot of ppl don;tthey either get damn depressedor they find that actually they can be so much happier with someone who loves them.
think carefullyyou're not exactly oldmove around abitbut if you really want a r/sthen dudego for a girlwho loves younot a girl who strings you alongdont get into a r/sdate and look aroundyou dont need to pay for window shopping defind someone who you can deal with and who loves youthen go in lor.
yuppsowindow shopping is suchyou go in try a shirtyou like the colorthe styleeverythingjust thatthe size is wrongS is a bit too tightbut you can wear isit*but not comfortable at allwill you still buy it?it may be nice but it doesnt fit you at allwhy you wanna be so xin1 ku3not obliged to buy itgo other shop and seemaybe got better ones.
i'm just sayingshe's not the only girl left in the worldthe world is so bigif she and you are fatednext time somehow you will get togetherbut looking at it nowwhy waste your tiem and effort on her when you could be looking for someone better.
ok what seems to make you wanna hold on is that you're scared you can't find a girl better than her or as good as her or as close to your match.
would you rather a girl who has a perfect character that you want but is playing you like a oyo or a girl who is a bit off what you want but not too much but loves you for everything you stand forlove is enjoyed when the other party loves you tooone sided love cannot work.
then you gotta learn there is no princess of your dreamsthere is the ms good enoughand most of the time miss good enough can make you happy.
because you're idealistic.
maybe after you've failed to have the love of all the Princess will you finally see that what you had all along was the best thing it's just that you keep giving it up for something that you dream of but can never really happenit takes a long time for some pplgotta get their heart brokenof course got some ppl find princess and live happily ever afterbut a lot of ppl don;tthey either get damn depressedor they find that actually they can be so much happier with someone who loves them.
think carefullyyou're not exactly oldmove around abitbut if you really want a r/sthen dudego for a girlwho loves younot a girl who strings you alongdont get into a r/sdate and look aroundyou dont need to pay for window shopping defind someone who you can deal with and who loves youthen go in lor.
yuppsowindow shopping is suchyou go in try a shirtyou like the colorthe styleeverythingjust thatthe size is wrongS is a bit too tightbut you can wear isit*but not comfortable at allwill you still buy it?it may be nice but it doesnt fit you at allwhy you wanna be so xin1 ku3not obliged to buy itgo other shop and seemaybe got better ones.
i'm just sayingshe's not the only girl left in the worldthe world is so bigif she and you are fatednext time somehow you will get togetherbut looking at it nowwhy waste your tiem and effort on her when you could be looking for someone better.
Saturday, 12 February 2011
Leos
I MUST say! There is just something about Leos that attract me. Yes all my past boyfriends (well the 3 that are counted) are Leos. I did have a run in with a Gemini but it sure doesn't seem like it's counted. Guess it's true Geminis and Virgos should just be friends. But yes there is something about Leos.. DEFINITELY. I really think it's their pride. Yes pride can be the downfall of Leos especially when they appear overly cocky and all that; but it is this exact same pride that makes me attracted to them. I like a man who has enough selfpride to want to better himself be it to face others or ultimately to face himself. I believe I've had run-ins with the most prideful Leos ever haha and I've always said if I can take the shit of that particular one I can take the shit from anyone. Maybe it's because Leos are my comfort zone- I know what makes them tick and I know what to do and what to avoid doing. Virgos try to accomodate their partners to make the relationship however perfectly they want a relationship to be and basically since I've been with so many Leos, I know how to manouver such that things work out. Yes the relationships fail but I think it's not the way I handle it it's just because we're not suited for each other.
Going with another star sign recently for a short period, I found that I was so in tune with Leos that I have no idea how to read that sign. Maybe it's the trait of the Gemini but I really cannot read that particular person and I do not know what makes them tick. Whereas even for Leos around me now I tend to understand them. Weird but yeah~!
Going with another star sign recently for a short period, I found that I was so in tune with Leos that I have no idea how to read that sign. Maybe it's the trait of the Gemini but I really cannot read that particular person and I do not know what makes them tick. Whereas even for Leos around me now I tend to understand them. Weird but yeah~!
Thursday, 10 February 2011
It's been a long time.....
It's been such a long time since I last posted on my blog~! Haha... things have been going rather alright I guess? =))Have been into a minor scrape in my life once more.. Haix.. this one hurts much much more because so much trust was put into it... ah wells.... MOVING ON... hahaha went clubbing with a few guys during CNY =)) wheeeeeeeees this CNY not much money but lotsa fun and finally my parents are accepting me back again woots!!
Today's Muay Thai session was AWESOME!!! We did sparring with the mats woots!!! Got a blue black from Russell but when I went with LC it was ok lei hahaha given I was shi4 si3 ru2 gui1 alr hahahah I went in very calm =)) I have to psycho myself like that next time. Go in calm and just do what you need to do =)) Mel is coming back~!
Today's Muay Thai session was AWESOME!!! We did sparring with the mats woots!!! Got a blue black from Russell but when I went with LC it was ok lei hahaha given I was shi4 si3 ru2 gui1 alr hahahah I went in very calm =)) I have to psycho myself like that next time. Go in calm and just do what you need to do =)) Mel is coming back~!
Sunday, 16 January 2011
For the best
Today Ray and I broke up... He came to school to pick me up... yes he was late and all but he came... and we went to Coronation's Starbucks. And I bought him a Mocha and I got a Ice green tea latte. And I just asked if he thought we'd be better off as friends. You can easily see he had been thinking of it and he agreed. Sparing the details... we sat there and then moved upstairs and talked =)) Never felt so carefree with him... And then we went Xin Wang for his lunch of curry and rice haha... don't mind paying for him though... I'm just happy things ended on a good note... and we were there changing out statuses hahaha just like a reversal of what we did when we got together =)) Alls well that ends well I guess. He drove me to Boon Lay to meet a friend after that. =)) I'm happy that he and I are alright =)) I don't expect to be close to him but I know that I am happy I didn't lose him as a friend~
There will always be a part of me who will love him and remember him.
Good Bye Rayray darling~
There will always be a part of me who will love him and remember him.
Good Bye Rayray darling~
Friday, 14 January 2011
Muay Thai IIX
Today we did lots of knees. The process is like so: bounce on your back foot by putting your body weight on the back leg and bouncing back up again. The front leg will bend accordingly. Next, push the hip backward (tilt the butt out) as you sit into the back leg and bounce back up again. Next bring the back leg up and align the knee, pelvic region and back in a straight line. Hit the opponent and use the hit to bounce back to starting position. Do not forget to be on the ball of your supporting leg's foot.
We did this stationarily as well as moving around. It was good!! =)) My kneeing technique is not bad if I may say so myself =))
The last Muay Thai Training we did hooks. The thing to note is that the elbows should be from start position and moving forwards not tilting sideways. Bring it out and twist your waist, putting your arm at a 45 degree angle, using the last two knuckles to graze the opponent's cheek.
Today we did grappling as well. I used Chin's technique of stepping forward and twisting as well as Lai's method of stepping back and twisting toward the hind leg =))
We did this stationarily as well as moving around. It was good!! =)) My kneeing technique is not bad if I may say so myself =))
The last Muay Thai Training we did hooks. The thing to note is that the elbows should be from start position and moving forwards not tilting sideways. Bring it out and twist your waist, putting your arm at a 45 degree angle, using the last two knuckles to graze the opponent's cheek.
Today we did grappling as well. I used Chin's technique of stepping forward and twisting as well as Lai's method of stepping back and twisting toward the hind leg =))
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Hilltop Gym Muay Thai Event and Caiying's Birthday Party
Yesterday, Sunday.
Went down to SMU to support Yan Ren, Dillon, Jason and Leroy for their Muay Thai matches. Went in just in time to see Dillon being pummelled by an opponent. I only realised after that that it was Jerome Tong. I haven't been up for training much recently, no morale... but when I saw that it was Tong who pummelled Dillon.... DAMN I WAS SO PISSED!!! I should have gone earlier!!! Could have told Dillon that BULL's weaknesses!!! DAMMIT!!! I swear revenge for SIM!! Gonna start training hard to be a fighter and hopefully I will be able to enter a competition at the end of the year... The four months holidays will be jammed with MUAY THAI, earning MOOLA and of course spending whatever time Darling can spare for me with him la!
Had a slight quarrel with Darling >.< I compared him to Tong and it felt like he was threatening me... but hey, we both know what each of us can't stand so.... things should be better. Went over to his place to watch High School Of The Dead Anime LOL!!!
Met darling's mom for the first time!! She's such a nice lady!!! =)) Heehee~!
Left after that for Caiying's Birthday and was kinda late but she waited for me to cut the cake!! So Sweet Right??? =)) After that Went with Her, Baba, and two of her friends for after party. Wanted to take her to Brewerks but it was replaced by the Caravan or something so we went to 6th Ave for drinks at Harry's bar. We got a bucket of five and one of the guys challenged me to put our hands into the cold water for the longest. LOL it hurt la but MUST WIN!!! So I held it there until Caiying told us to stop and I tricked him so that he took his hand out first muahahaha If you can't win physically, win MENTALLY wahahahaha...
We got Caiying a Flaming Lambo and after that played some games. I was suprising ly sober probably because I was being challenged RAWR!! LOL but the night ended as Caiying puked on the floor LOL... hit me a bit but ah wells... it was swell =))
Darling smsed me to ask why I wasn't home yet. The sweet boy is so cute la, still apologise for sounding naggy and telling me he's concerned!! MUACKS!! Can't get enough of him haha~ <3
Went down to SMU to support Yan Ren, Dillon, Jason and Leroy for their Muay Thai matches. Went in just in time to see Dillon being pummelled by an opponent. I only realised after that that it was Jerome Tong. I haven't been up for training much recently, no morale... but when I saw that it was Tong who pummelled Dillon.... DAMN I WAS SO PISSED!!! I should have gone earlier!!! Could have told Dillon that BULL's weaknesses!!! DAMMIT!!! I swear revenge for SIM!! Gonna start training hard to be a fighter and hopefully I will be able to enter a competition at the end of the year... The four months holidays will be jammed with MUAY THAI, earning MOOLA and of course spending whatever time Darling can spare for me with him la!
Had a slight quarrel with Darling >.< I compared him to Tong and it felt like he was threatening me... but hey, we both know what each of us can't stand so.... things should be better. Went over to his place to watch High School Of The Dead Anime LOL!!!
Met darling's mom for the first time!! She's such a nice lady!!! =)) Heehee~!
Left after that for Caiying's Birthday and was kinda late but she waited for me to cut the cake!! So Sweet Right??? =)) After that Went with Her, Baba, and two of her friends for after party. Wanted to take her to Brewerks but it was replaced by the Caravan or something so we went to 6th Ave for drinks at Harry's bar. We got a bucket of five and one of the guys challenged me to put our hands into the cold water for the longest. LOL it hurt la but MUST WIN!!! So I held it there until Caiying told us to stop and I tricked him so that he took his hand out first muahahaha If you can't win physically, win MENTALLY wahahahaha...
We got Caiying a Flaming Lambo and after that played some games. I was suprising ly sober probably because I was being challenged RAWR!! LOL but the night ended as Caiying puked on the floor LOL... hit me a bit but ah wells... it was swell =))
Darling smsed me to ask why I wasn't home yet. The sweet boy is so cute la, still apologise for sounding naggy and telling me he's concerned!! MUACKS!! Can't get enough of him haha~ <3
Sunday, 9 January 2011
2nd Monthsary
Today was our second month being together~ Haven't seen darling all week!!! Woke him up at 2pm and he came to fetch me from school. Poor darling got into a minor accident =(( Some car banged his car from the back in the jam; his bumber is dented and the boot couldn't be locked. Went to his old work place to have the lock fixed then went to look for IDAC which couldn't help us -.-...
After that we went to Cineleisure for a movie. Darling wanted to watch Gulliver's Travels but there were no more timings so we watched Centurion LOL... Well I did buy a pair of white shoes and threw away my old ones too =P heehee...
Darling got me Lavander Potpourri =)) Gonna use it in my room... <3
We went to look for Derick after the movie and Darling helped him to do sticking of a scooter's parts. Stayed there till 1230 and Darling sent me home...
After that we went to Cineleisure for a movie. Darling wanted to watch Gulliver's Travels but there were no more timings so we watched Centurion LOL... Well I did buy a pair of white shoes and threw away my old ones too =P heehee...
Darling got me Lavander Potpourri =)) Gonna use it in my room... <3
We went to look for Derick after the movie and Darling helped him to do sticking of a scooter's parts. Stayed there till 1230 and Darling sent me home...
Thursday, 6 January 2011
School starts
Have to pass up the stupid examination fees tomorrow.... think I'll be going down with Qing Merv PJ and her Jonasto RELC. The stupid examination fees are like $2098 LIKE WTF!!! Hmmmm gotta start studying already... body clock is still adjusting somewhat hahaaa....
This Chinese New Years comes real early.... Feb 3... man it's like in 3 weeks or so?? But at least it doesn't touch Valentine's day eh hahaha... Don't know if I'll be having a party at my place on CNY but should be and frends will come to gamble just like last year. Hoping to go out for MahJong during that period too!! Kinda miss it hahahaha haven't touched tiles in like forever; NOT that I'm good at it LOL will have to wear lucky red underwear then hahahahaa
This Chinese New Years comes real early.... Feb 3... man it's like in 3 weeks or so?? But at least it doesn't touch Valentine's day eh hahaha... Don't know if I'll be having a party at my place on CNY but should be and frends will come to gamble just like last year. Hoping to go out for MahJong during that period too!! Kinda miss it hahahaha haven't touched tiles in like forever; NOT that I'm good at it LOL will have to wear lucky red underwear then hahahahaa
Sunday, 2 January 2011
New Year's Eve + Kbox today + Thoughts on my awesome darling whom I love v v much~
Haha... spent my New Year's Eve with Darling and Derick at some techno tiu at No. 69 Circular road LOL... Hmmmm it was not bad indeed!! At first I was thinking of just going there to be entertained by Darling and Derick hahaha... And Darling didn't fail to impress =)) So proud of him!! He was the first guy to start dancing, albeit dancing real techno steps not definitely NOT bobbing LOL... And believe me when I say Darling was uber UBER cool~! Apparently coming from Derick it seems like he practices by himself as it's been some time since they last went to Sparks or any techno event =))
Derick started doing catcalls and all and it was fun to hear the crowd join in LOL... now I know why SRJC's house cheers have thse catcalls LOL a hell lot of Ah Bengs go to SRJC and a hell lot of them go to places like Sparks hahahaha =))
Yepp was sitting down there watching the guys enjoy themselves, and learning how Ah Lians dance by looking like Jiang Shi and jerking to and fro like they were being electrocuted by a loose wire haha... Had a drink on the house as well as like 2 jugs of beer and finally started dancing with the guys. I guess I was a teeny bit uncomfortable at the start... after all it's not my territory and the music is not the usual music I dance to at the clubs. But darling and Derick just told me Techno was like Mambo in a way just less rigid so I just followed them lor... it's not as difficult as Mambo where EVERY word has a fixed meaning LOL so we just danced! =))
I seriously feel like I've become older.... alright... more mature... LOL... There was this one part of the night where two girls slipped over some vomit at our old table which we moved away from. Darling was the gentleman as usual went to help them. At first I was like -.- was that even your business?? But then I realised that ah wells he's just like that what... When I first met him he was already rather gentlemanly, walking where traffic was directing and asking me to walk inside instead of outside nearer the vehicles... so I guess this is him, part of the charm that he has LOL!! I REFUSE to get jealous over that!! LOL But I will not doubt that that thought did slip into my mind. Think I told Darling before, I will get jealous, I think it's normal to get jealous and if that person really matters to you you will get jealous one way or another. But the only difference is whether I let jealousy get to me and I blow up the matter. Currently I find nothing or no need to blow up anything. It would have been different in the past that's why I say I think I've become more mature... either that or more understanding bah, after all you can't keep the person you love looked up in a box now can you?? I sure as hell wouldn't like that as well. Probably there is a soft nagging fear that he may treat me like how he treats any other girl and vice versa but as of now I don't think that particular fear has any grounds as though yes it's true that sometimes when we're out with friends he doesn't hold my hand, I must stress on the word SOMETIMES because he DOES do so.
Thing about him is sometimes he's hot then a bit cold then hot again then coldish again LOL... Today we went Kbox. There was a small incident when he gave me a look when I picked a song... a rather condescending look. I hate it when people give me attitude like that... LOL still remember a time when we were at Macs when I first met his friends and I was talking about some acronym and he suddenly said "shut the fuck up" (later he explained it was because the acronym sounded like STFU) that got me a teeny bit pissed LOL and this condescending look did give have the same effect on me so I deleted the song. I guess he knew something wasn't right because after a smoke he wanted to put the song back on but ah wells... wasn't that happy with stuff so he did it himself and in the end he sang with his friend. Hmmm I tend to try to look at things from his perspective bah... it was awesome that he bothered to try to soothe the situation <3 LOL the Mel from before would have had a black face all night but nah... what for?? Just enjoy myself bah~
Lol one part was when we were walking out of the Kbox and I told him "I love you darling" and he threw back a "Me too" LOL!! SO CURT!!! ARGGGHHH!!! Heehee but at least he got respond la!!
There were also times when they went for smoke and all that and I was either left alone or with on of his friends lol... but in the end I rationalized that heyy I appreciate it that we're not tied to the waist and neither do I wanna be some needy girlfriend who can't even breathe without her boyfriend next to her... that would stress the guy out too I would gather haha. He did stay with me on one occasion which was so sweet of him =)) (yes I did ask him to go out with his friends for a smoke but he didn't leave heehee)
It's little things he does that make whatever unhappiness go away. I can be unhappy about something but he will do something else to make me feel all better even if he does it subconciously.
School is starting and I won't be seeing him much... I already feel like I miss him. Hahahaa... But I really want to get to know him better. This one month plus... in the beginning we didn't see each other much so I felt like I barely knew my own boyfriend but in these two holiday weeks I think seeing him this much made me understand better who he is. Satisfied with my knowledge for now and I'm looking forward to the new year with my Darling =)) Everytime I see him I see something new =)) and everytime I see him I know I love him more. I hope it's the same for him too... <3
Derick started doing catcalls and all and it was fun to hear the crowd join in LOL... now I know why SRJC's house cheers have thse catcalls LOL a hell lot of Ah Bengs go to SRJC and a hell lot of them go to places like Sparks hahahaha =))
Yepp was sitting down there watching the guys enjoy themselves, and learning how Ah Lians dance by looking like Jiang Shi and jerking to and fro like they were being electrocuted by a loose wire haha... Had a drink on the house as well as like 2 jugs of beer and finally started dancing with the guys. I guess I was a teeny bit uncomfortable at the start... after all it's not my territory and the music is not the usual music I dance to at the clubs. But darling and Derick just told me Techno was like Mambo in a way just less rigid so I just followed them lor... it's not as difficult as Mambo where EVERY word has a fixed meaning LOL so we just danced! =))
I seriously feel like I've become older.... alright... more mature... LOL... There was this one part of the night where two girls slipped over some vomit at our old table which we moved away from. Darling was the gentleman as usual went to help them. At first I was like -.- was that even your business?? But then I realised that ah wells he's just like that what... When I first met him he was already rather gentlemanly, walking where traffic was directing and asking me to walk inside instead of outside nearer the vehicles... so I guess this is him, part of the charm that he has LOL!! I REFUSE to get jealous over that!! LOL But I will not doubt that that thought did slip into my mind. Think I told Darling before, I will get jealous, I think it's normal to get jealous and if that person really matters to you you will get jealous one way or another. But the only difference is whether I let jealousy get to me and I blow up the matter. Currently I find nothing or no need to blow up anything. It would have been different in the past that's why I say I think I've become more mature... either that or more understanding bah, after all you can't keep the person you love looked up in a box now can you?? I sure as hell wouldn't like that as well. Probably there is a soft nagging fear that he may treat me like how he treats any other girl and vice versa but as of now I don't think that particular fear has any grounds as though yes it's true that sometimes when we're out with friends he doesn't hold my hand, I must stress on the word SOMETIMES because he DOES do so.
Thing about him is sometimes he's hot then a bit cold then hot again then coldish again LOL... Today we went Kbox. There was a small incident when he gave me a look when I picked a song... a rather condescending look. I hate it when people give me attitude like that... LOL still remember a time when we were at Macs when I first met his friends and I was talking about some acronym and he suddenly said "shut the fuck up" (later he explained it was because the acronym sounded like STFU) that got me a teeny bit pissed LOL and this condescending look did give have the same effect on me so I deleted the song. I guess he knew something wasn't right because after a smoke he wanted to put the song back on but ah wells... wasn't that happy with stuff so he did it himself and in the end he sang with his friend. Hmmm I tend to try to look at things from his perspective bah... it was awesome that he bothered to try to soothe the situation <3 LOL the Mel from before would have had a black face all night but nah... what for?? Just enjoy myself bah~
Lol one part was when we were walking out of the Kbox and I told him "I love you darling" and he threw back a "Me too" LOL!! SO CURT!!! ARGGGHHH!!! Heehee but at least he got respond la!!
There were also times when they went for smoke and all that and I was either left alone or with on of his friends lol... but in the end I rationalized that heyy I appreciate it that we're not tied to the waist and neither do I wanna be some needy girlfriend who can't even breathe without her boyfriend next to her... that would stress the guy out too I would gather haha. He did stay with me on one occasion which was so sweet of him =)) (yes I did ask him to go out with his friends for a smoke but he didn't leave heehee)
It's little things he does that make whatever unhappiness go away. I can be unhappy about something but he will do something else to make me feel all better even if he does it subconciously.
School is starting and I won't be seeing him much... I already feel like I miss him. Hahahaa... But I really want to get to know him better. This one month plus... in the beginning we didn't see each other much so I felt like I barely knew my own boyfriend but in these two holiday weeks I think seeing him this much made me understand better who he is. Satisfied with my knowledge for now and I'm looking forward to the new year with my Darling =)) Everytime I see him I see something new =)) and everytime I see him I know I love him more. I hope it's the same for him too... <3
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