Break up?

In the wee hours of the morning.... AJ and I almost broke up. At first it started out last night at the BBQ where a friend was kinda telling me how to do stuff.... ok let's skip to the part. When I got home, I smsed then called AJ and yup both of us sounded quite nonchalant to each other.... Then AJ hung up on me apparantly and I was so angry I called him but he didn't pick up as, he later explained, he was throwing something away. I asked him to call me and there I kinda lashed out at him for hanging up on my and asked him what he wanted. He told me that he had been doing some thinking and when I asked if he loved me, he said yes.... but to a smaller extent. He said that it was him not me and even if we broke up he would be single as right now he is having second thoughts as to what he wants: single or in a relationship. I asked what I did wrong etc etc.... it was just that there were awkwardness these few days starting from the last Thursday when we taked about a r/s with a friend and I was quiet to Friday when he asked me if I was ok and I said yes when actually I wasnt. I asked if he was willing to give this a second try and he said yes so I suggested we tell each other what we want from each other and I found out all he wanted was for me to be honestwith him..... I have to.... as promised from the start... how could you forget this Mel howw????????? I found out what I wanted to know: if he went out with people he's attracted to in that way and his answer is no so that minused out one issue... He said he didn't know how to prioritise... I asked him if he felt I tried to change him and he said no........ I told him I love him and that he didn't know how much I love him..... he said that he was trying....... I told him I was trying too.... I said that it was because we have no common topic now adays and he agrees..... I said it was because his life is exciting and mine isn't........ he said he didn't want to do this on the phone and wanted it face to face.... when I asked what THIS was and if it was a break up he said no....... so......................... all these are not insequence but............ we came this close to it... after that it seemed like part of the wall was removed,.... and we started talking normally.... we talked more than we have ever done since he went into hostel.... I missed these talks.... nothing about insecurities not quarrelling... just talking..... I miss him.... I love him.... we talked about the blog... this blog.... that I said he should find ways to find out what was wrong instead of waiting for me to tell him.... he said he doesn't bellief in the blogs anyways and that from the start I told him it was a way to vent anger but I told him at first I felt sad he didnt read it then ok as I could then type about him then it became something I relied on when I didn't dare tell him my insecurities.... I love him...... it scares me that he loves me less but part of me is saying there is still love and as long as it is still present no matter how small... It can be saved.

~Given a second chance, Taking the second chance, Making a miracle out of the second chance~

Hurthurthurthurthurt

I guess I don't know anymore. Taked to Jerome till 4 plus a today.... talked about maybe His priorities are haywire now and all that because the novelity of His situation now... but... what if it's something else? I can't help being cold towards him now. It's like I feel emptied. Like when you keep distributing water and no one pours additional water in so much so sooner or later the vat runs dry. I feel dry now. You can say dry of love. Think I'll need time to replenish except that.... the person I poured it into doesn't as I think he has more than enough input of it. By the time I recover, he'd probably have another source. This year could have been the best year of my life... I hope it won't be the worst year of my life. We have our own lives... feels so far apart... maybe if he wants it this way... he should tell me... if its just because its my birthday week and he doesn't wanna tell me then I think its just stupid.... but these are speculations... yet again... I hope they're only speculations..

~one day, when you decide to banish the fog in front of you, you will find that what you thought will always be waiting is already gone~

An average birthday

Haha I don't know what to think. For my birthday, this year, my friends have been so nice... they are all alright with going for dinner etc... even Ja asked if I'll be having a party.... but.... for Darl... he didn't really ask nor did he care to plan any shit for me. Haha =)) 19 is not as impt as 21 yupp.. but when I asked him about clubbing on the 5th, he said not sure.... however he is confirmed going for his friend's bday party on the yatch and clubbing after that just because she asked him and in his words whined to him about. But for mine? hahaha I guess it's ok right. Nothing wrong with it I guess. Mine's not the 21st and I'll be in S'pore but she is seldom here? Doesn't really matter =) I have a bunch of good friends. Maybe now its clear to me he treats his friend well, I should shift my priority to my friends too eh? =))

~It'll all get better in time~

About my postings

Haha I just found out that the gists of all my posts are kinda at the bottom of my posts. The title and the beginning all look like descriptions of normal day to day stuff in my life but my fears and thoughts are actually in the last few lines of the posts hahaa.... so if you wanna know ME look down and you will find me. That is... for those who bother to come and see... Thank you friends, those who see. But some people who should be interested may not be.

~It is too crowded in their lives for them to peer through the crowd to see me
Peer through the crowd in front of your eyes and you will find me~

Vic's off

Woke up at 530 this morning to come to T2 at Changi airpost to send vic off. Took a bus 82 then switched to 27. Wow haha sure was a long ride but it was an experience hahaha Oh wells am currently skipping Math lecture and I sure as hell hope PJ copied down al the notes and lets me see it when she comes down later. Guess I'll be staying at T3 Coffee Bean and wait for her. Got a Cafe Au Lait for $3.50 and I bet the milk will turn all cold by the time she's here... she should get here aftger lunch? haha Well I really wanna gym later so I'll go regardless of whether she is coming or not. I'd wanted to call Darl this morning but.... nah let him sleep in and sent him an sms instead... he only just replied me yupp well I guess it's better than nothing. I've been set to wondering if he still loves me or is like my friend's ex who stayed with her apparantly due to pity. If it is pity no thank you. I may love him to the core but if it is so I know I can find a better guy out there. Staying strong and counting lesser and lesser fears. All I know is there is such a thing as karma and that if he makes me suffer he won't come to a good end either. But till then I'll do my best for him. If not for him, then for myself at least =))

~Doing my best, hoping my heart doesn't turn cold~

Had an Okay day + The Final Destination

Today yes yes went for boring Statistic and all that.... then went for lunch at megabites with PJ, Merv, Gabriel, Yuan Fu Was actually waiting for Aaron to wake up from his tong xiao mj.... apparently when I called i was still in the convo with some friends and he got a lil pissed? DON'T KNOW LA. Maybe its right... seeing each other too much makes us tire of each other. I AM NOT GOING TO SMS HIM UNTIL HE SMSES ME TMW AND EVEN IF HE DOES I WONT SPEND MORE THAN 10 SMS ON HIM. THE GUY IS GOING NIGHT CYCLING THE WHOLE NIGHT TOMORROW. Anyway...... so we planned to meet at CityHall and since it was early I went down to Orchard with PJ and Merv to shop a bit before heading down to CH. Bought nothing at Charles and Keith but got a white pair of heels finally at URs at CH. So we met, bought the tickets, went to grab a bite at KFC where he got a student Zinger and I got adrumstick snacker. =)) went to get stuff at Marc Jacobs. I got a nice floral print top and a tank top and he got berms and a black top and as he didn't have enough cash I paid it willingly as I've been using his cash for the last few outings haha.... we went down to the esplanade to pass the time and caught the rehersal of an UBER COOL Singapore Metal band lol didn't get their name though haha but after that we walked back to watch the insane TFD hahaha it was nice and sadistic hahahahhahaa... we managed to sneak in some barley from Subway haha.... well after the movie we went for dinner at some Jap place where I got cheap sushi and he got cheap Chicken Katsu Bento hahaa .... the night ended after we went to the esplanade again and sat by the banks of the river =)) tried various kissing styles lol the full pucker (as taught by Elaine) and we invented the Kissing without lips lol... oh wells... haha I love him so much... but today when talking about some issues about a friend he did agree after I said he was a flirt that he was a flirt and he didn't make outwith anyone but he does go out with girls... now that I'm typing it I don't know what made me so bothered by it..... Ok I said he's a flirt he just said ya I am a flirt etc etc.... and we talked about how girls wanna change the guy when they get into an r/s then why like the guy in the first place and talked about how the guy, like him, hooks the girl's heart then shows the girl the real him or the girl is blinded by love at first hahahahah a lot of crap la..... ah wells... I don't know why I'm bothered about it really now.... maybe I dont feel as loved.... his Uni ife is like taking over and he rather have time tong xiao with friends and go back early when he meets me for his homework? hahahahaha ah wells maybe he knows I can't stay late too and he takes a long time from town to hostel and he is busy with work NOW. MEL FUCKING THINK POSITIVE OR DIE TRYING!!!

~BE POSITIVE OR DIE TRYING~

Nuaaing in NTU hostel

YAY the day which would have been utterly miserable if I had stayed at home wasn't too bad. =)) I woke up at 0545 ish this morning so that I could make my way down to NTU by 8am =)) my timing is SUPERB thankyouthankyou haha I was supposed to meet Jason at the canteen at 0810 but I mistook it for 0800 and I got there early anyway. When I called Jason, Darl answered and said he didn't know where Jason went and apparently he left everything in his room haha... Darl came down to pick me and showed me his alarm set at 0800 just as he had promised =)) MUACKS anyway we found out that Jason was, as I had guessed, in the toilet and AJ had actually locked him out lol... we went to see JianYe for a bit then went to Darl's room. Jason and Jianye then left for lecture. When we woke up we actually went to Canteen 13 again for the Ramyeon but this time I got the Chicken one which truthfully wasn't as good as the beef and the noodles were not very cooked... they need some quality control LOL anyway then Darl and I went to the busstop but he left for lecture first cos his bus came and I took 199 back to boonlay interchange. I then proceeded to tuition that was successfully pushed up haha... Today Darl is supposed to have contract bridge with his hall people at 7pm gosh he still hasn't smsed haha... he was hoping to have tong xiao mj tonight as he said he doesn't have lessons tomorrow. Guess he doesn't see the need for our weekly Thursday outings cause wehad the whole morning together. Conjectures and wild thoughts. Shall banish them until they are proven right haha. Hopefully things will be ok tomorrow? If not I know PJ and Melv will be there for me... and so will the mudpie at Island Creamery hahahhaa =))

~Baseless conjectures should be ignored for a blissful life~ =))

25th August =)) ISLAND CREAMERY.... Again -.- LOL

Yupp went with PJ and Melv to Island Creamery again... the actual plan was to study till Elaine and the rest were done with their lectures before heading down to SIM gym... In the end, we polished off A hot fudge sundae and a mud pie... haha talk about the sinful of the sinful mann haha well iin the end Elaine and the rest weren't exactly very keen on the gymming so PJ and I headed down to Hougang gym for some workout. There, we were helped out, so to speak, by this buff instructor who had a whole back of tattoos and blond hair. He taught us how to do the machines etc and taught us how to train our backs only but in the end we did more cardio workouts at the treadmill and cycling machines. Mann I forgot how good working out can make you feel!!! hahaha well time to burn off all em calories haha. Think I'll go for a jog after tuition tomorrow =)) There won't be any classes tomorrow so instead of staying home I'd rathr go over to darling's hostel to sleep in rather than be in the house and nagged at for the whole day =)) We'll see how things go =))

Today is our 8th monthsary. Guess it ain't imporatant to the guy now cos now he hardly wishes me by himself? Hmmmmm see how he gets punished mann hahahahah oh wells.... don't know whats going on with him now... watching movie or what... DON'T CARE LE LA!!! Just live your life Mel!!! Gambatte!!!

Oh this reminds me I'm signing up for Jap classes at a school in Orchard called Bunka. Can't let Darl beat me at all of my current passions eh Gotta start reading up too or else may lose to him in lit though he is kinda better than me hahaha MUACKS catch you up again then.

~Living your life to the fullest and pulling yourself out of the dark- now that's living!~

Lunch at Ajisen

Yupp today met up with darling for lunch. The original plan was to enter NTU for lunch but it was really too troublesome so darling was nice enough to come out to Jurong Point for lunch. We had Ajisen where he had some egg, mayo, swet sauce, cabbage and pork thingy while I had spicy Ramen with lots of chili oil hahaha well after that he sent me to Serangoon where I took 317 to tuition. At the bus stop he asked if it was ok if in the end only him and another girl went for GI Joe if his OG mates can't make it. For some reason I felt that it was quite predictable as he looked like he had something to ask me... Actually I felt that from the way he said it most probably it would be the both of them but yupp he says there may be a few others but he thought he should ask as I had the right to know. What could I say? "No" ? Of course I said I wouldn't mind and that I trust him. But hmmm how can you avoid worrying a little? The consolation I have is that he tells me, in a way respecting me I guess, and that I should be open that he should have girl friends as long as history doesn't repeat itself like the last time in the cinema.... then again, he should now be mature enough to know what is right and wrong and he should know as well that I will stand no nonsense. If something happens and he tells me I'll be angry and I don't knowwhat I'd do. If he doesn't tell me God will let me know some way or another and then I won't promise that I won't be ruthless too. I cannot stand betrayal. The again why all these negativity? Let me just trust the guy to know that since he feels enough for me to ask me he should feel enough to resist any temptation, if there is even a temptation. They should be just friends after all. If I were to get jealous over every gril who sits next to him or watches a movie with him my life would be so very miserable =)) We enjoyed ourselves today and are going to meet up come Thursday, I guess I should trust him and not think so much. After all, what is love without trust?
=))
~Trust that our love is strong enough~

Parents... once again

Well they did it again Today yupp went down to the new place to see the designe with my dad and my dog but ya since I was late my dad scolded me most of the way there. When we got there he made all my ideas for my room seem rdundant and ignored me whle the two of em the designer and him I mean went at the stupid place... Finally when it came to my room I told the designer my idea and the designer so found it feasible though my dad who is so STCK in his ideas idn't see it.. it went well until my dad wanted FORCED UPON US that he wanted parquet floorig hen we all ALL ALL know parquet platfors are lie APA THE FUCK!!! so fine on the way back he scolded me in the car saying wy is my fce black and is it that going out wih them is a chore because I take so long to prepare. Number 1) I JUST GOT FUCKING SCLDED DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE ALL SMILES???? and Number 2) FUCK IT IS A CHORE TO GO OUTWITH THEM an Number3) IF I DIDN'T CARE I WOULD JUST WEAR LIKE LOC COC WHN I GO OUT WITH THEM RIGHT omg it was all peaceful until a slight blip during lunch when my mother nagged but I COMPLETELY ignored her. THen after dinner, just now, my mother took out cereal from a container and I remebered when I was younger they always asked me to eat those in the packet first not the container so I went to take out the packet and what happened? KI GOT SCOLDED AGAIN! WHOOPY TO THOSE WHO GOT THAT RIGHT! Though it is way WAY obvious. So I was like fine and I wrapped it up and said anyways the pack tastes like it's lou feng le anyways and apparantly I sounded sooooo very rude when I told them the fact. So here I am blogging cos I'd rather be up here locked up in my room than down there. And you know what I don't care if my new room sucks cos I'm only going in there to cry or sleep. That place is just a shelter mann there is NO HOME.

Vic's party that she didn't know about

Hahahahh well yesterda we were invited down by Josh (Vic's new guy) for her farewell party with her church peeps. So yupp Joelyn and I wondered around looking for food when Josh came out to meet us but we found out that their service will be ending like an hour late wahahahha finally Josh and some other guy came down to fetch Jo and I, we were done with our sort of dinner from the Cheers at ESSO, Jo had nice instant Ramyeon that I introduced and I had a filling-less chicken pie from Polar lol.. So ya we were brought int the chuch's hangout place called severnty-nine and yupp plunged into darkness as they got ready for the surprise. In the end I had the hnor of becoming ther ghost that sits in the chair facing the door for suprising her when she opens the door.. -.- LOL I didn'tknow ZHen Zi had reddish brown hair LOL anyways thats what I did: when she opened the door she was like What The.. and I jumped at her the same moment everyone shouted suprise LOL Poor Vic she was ill but yea she was touched. She said during her speech that the best thing was that Jo and I wre there which brought shouts of protestors from the mostly Chrstian ppl from her church LOL.. well she repeated the word "awesome" a gazillion times through the short speech lol. After that we ate hahaha while her friends tried to be good hosts and tried to entertain s. Lucky for us they soon gave up LOL it wasjust that I dislike it when people come to make small talk just because they think they ought to, I'd rather thy left us alone. Bu yupp talked to this guy David and asked him t play pool just to relieve the boredom and mann did I suck. But it sorta broke the ice and gave us something to do while we waited for the appropriate time to leave. In the end we left around 9 plus and yupp we headed back to the interchange and took a train back, cam whoring part of the way haha.

My Parents- Assholes, stupified idiots born with IQs and mentalities of a ZYGOT

This morning I was woken around 940am by my parents.... my mother actually and she was saying they were goingto see the interior esigner for the new place and if I anted to come they were leaving at 10am. I said ok but was so tired I went back for a few minutes more sleep. Then I head her outside saying to my Dad her avid and stupid supporter that had no Xin(1) cause I was still sleeping. So fucking wokethe hell up saw that it was still 1015 and since I was hungry went to make a cup of coffee... at 1020 they just left and she was like "I have no tim you want to wait till 1030 then go and change?" and they just left. FUCKERS BASTARDS FUCKING ASSHOLES were some words I screamed into their empty bedroom. I sent the mad bitch a text saying that she hurt her hand not her eyes so open it instead of saying I have no Xin(1) or interest when in the first place you wake me up and expect me to be up and ready to go in like 30 min? ITS A FUCKING SATURDAY AND I'M NOT IN FUCKING BMT COULDN'T SHE HAVE TOLD ME LAST NIGHT? ITS SHE WHO HAS NO XIN LA FUCK COS IF SHE DID SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME IN FUCKING ADVANCE. AS THE BITCH AGES SHE TURNS MORE JUVENILE AND NEXT TIME WHEN SHE NEEDS SOMEONE TO CHANGE HER FUCKING DIAPERS IT SURE FUCKING HELL WON'T BE ME!

Thursday

Hey went to NTU hostel with AJ wow their room is a mess la hahaha cam whored on his beautiful MacBook hahaha then we went to eat this great GREAT korean food at Canteen 13 where conincidentally was where I stayed for Pre U sem and so did he in his year haha... the ramyeon was made extra spicy on his request for me and BOY WAS IT GOOD haha.... was so tired so slept on the bus ride to the Boon Lay interchange and on the train ride to town to change his shoes he got for his birthday cos they don't fit. We chose a nicer looking pair haha which he wore on the spot. We then went for the 515 3D up movie haha.... watched up with my OG the last time but boys was it good the 3D effects weren't great though haha... we then went ION for dinner but found it too ex so we went to Dhoby Ghaut for KFC hahahaha all in all it was a nicee nicee time with him. =))

~Enjoying every minute with you ~

Miscellaneous

Ok... this is random.... SWENSENS ICE CREAM BUFFET was funn.... I feel like lotsa stuff has happened but I can'tremember them... so I'm going to type randomly.... I finished the first season of Boys Over Flowers and am going gaga over the songs hahaaha...AJ i learning Japanese and he has my envy so I'm planning to finally get the resolution to learn Jap out of the way soon too... Passed AJ his book today when his parents drove him past SIM.... Goin to meet him tomorrow hopefully its still going to happen. Have changed econs lecture to Lee Chin Choon cos I can't stand V suckshimi and now I go to school daily for 830 lectures hahahahahah OMG what's going on? The blues are back? Nah.... why amI bothering... just that I'm starting to think.... must be negative energy from the gates opening if you get what I mean hahaha.... am actually typing like mad to pass time as I wait for a reply to an sms which reminds me my hone bill went up like to 104 plus and it's cos I used the stupid 3G hahaha whih is so very ex and all that and btw I can't have a birthday chalet cos my parens are well... parents LOL ok let's take a break from the randomness and mass typing hahahha

Dashed

Today was supposed to be the first time we went out since he went into hostel. Things have been real hectic for him and all that.... what with outings etc every other night.... so today I was quite happy that we would be going out. It would also give me a chance to talk to him and... ya.... but in the end... we talked less than 10 sentences. Why? Because in the end, a friend asked us to go play LAN and I couldn't bring myself to say no. I asked him to talk to AJ and apparantly AJ was for it.... things hadn't gone well from the start, I culdn't reach AJ after school because of the poor reception in his hall then we took the wrong bus and all so from going down to his hostel he had to come meet me.... we planned to go town but obviously the plan failed.... we went to AMK for LAN. I found out only just that we were suiting each other- I wanted to have a movie with him alone but thought he wanted to play with his friend and he thought I was ok with the LAN... I don't know.... I really don't know what to type anymore. I had thought maybe during dinner, we could talk... but he left early for his Hall dinner. I'd told my mother I wasn't eating at home but I'm home now because I have no choice. As a girlfriend I see him much less than his friends do... what else can I say, what else can I do? I'll just take it as it is then.. he doesn't have to know these stupid little things... no one does. Mel you shoukld learn to be a little more selfish, to care for your own interests, to say no when you have plans and don't want to do something.... he said he'll call me tonight after his hall stuff... but hey his friends will be heading down tonight to have a catch up session (although I need it more than they do).. I can't go... my parents won't allow it... what else can I do but wait at home and hope he remembers me? They say girlfiends should know when to fade into the back ground.... I guess I'm fading ... fading... fading... when will he pull me back?


~Wondering if there are keyboards that are tears-resistant~

My miracle

Mέλισσα says:
haha
its ok
i find there are two ways to look at things
yesterday i felt something was wrong
today i found out that he is wavering because he is thinking of how little would be the time we will spend with each other when uni starts
but i feel he's got it wrong
right now
he's affected by the past week we not meeting each other
due to his camp ( we both are)
both of us are now kinda like strangers
so we feel uncomfortable
this feeling thus makes him think of what will happen if we dont meet often in uni
thus i have decided to start the passion ball rolling again
and i can see that he's trying too
this week will be crucial
just now when we talk kinda like rushing through it
more like friends
but its better than nothing
ppl are telling me to quit
but i believe in miracles lor
in this case
i want the miracle to be me and him
and when i want something
when i think, dream about it enough
it comes to me
cos when i think and dream about it if its good it is positive and it'll make me happy and it becomes a vicious cycle
so in the end i'll get my miracle
=))
i dont believe in the pessimistic view anymore
as long as the things haven't happened
all your speculations will be worthless
ppl tell me to get ready for it... for something bad to happen
why should i?
I'd rather use the energy spent on worrying and preparing for the worse, for being positive and looking at how I can improve things so things will be alright again. =))

FRIEND says:
wah..
it is a different u ..
GOOD!

Mέλισσα says:
yupp
and i sure hope he will see it
and even if he doesnt
its no lose of mine
because with a positive outlook in life, good things will come my way =))
its once in awhile
when i sort things out
that i really feel relieved
=)
and sometimes i feel more mature than him
lol
he's having drinking session now
lol
tmw his first class
and he's in hostel
lol
oh wells
yesterday night he didnt reply my good night sms
tonight can see he's trying to make it up to me
he told me to sms him when i'm sleeping and he'll sms me when he is sleeping before me
i choose to look at it as he is really making it uo to me instead of that he is doing it cos he feels its his duty
either way
he's still doing it
so =))
FRIEND says:
haha..
good lah..
at least he is makin up to u mah..
Mέλισσα says:
yupp
so in a way
he's coming back le
ball's in my court now =))
better than him saying oh i'm wavering and not doing anything about it
=))
Mel, be contented and happy and good things will come to you =)) <3

When the new life moves in, Mel moves out?

Is that it now? Went over to his place for MJ and BBQ yesterday.... Feels weird... A lot of factors are starting to make me think... and as you know, I do NOT like to think. One small small factor is his wallpaper mann why do I notice such stuff??? Well is he scared to let people see he is attached so he changed his hp wall paper to some neutral thingy? Hmmmm. What is the difference between me and the other girls? I see how he treats me and sometimes i see its sweet but other times... I don't know... Oh he sent me home in a cab. And yupp because i asked him to send me up he didn't bring enough cash so I used mine first. It's totally fine... But it's like was he being defensive when I asked about his timetable? Wednesdays used to be our days to go out now I'm just seeing if it stays the same but.... Mel I hope it's you thinking too much.... I smsed him last night good night and all and also about the thing that was bothering me the whole night- if he still loves me... no reply... why Mel why?

If I were a boy.............

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wated
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell evveryone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

Ladies' Man

Sometimes I can't see the difference between how he treats me and how he treats other girls. I remember I told him that before and his answer was like if you can't see that you're special then there's not point going on. What am I to do? PJ said, when other girls need help he's there for them, the same as I am so whats the difference? I don't know. Is there such a thing as a part time gf? But you know what, I wish I could stop thinking so pessimistically. I have a friend who's philosophy is love the person whole heartedly and believe the person loves you whole heartedly as well. Only then will there be fruit in the relationship.

Women

I'd started a page about the Modern Woman.... now I'm thinking.... maybe women are just sex objects eh hahahahahahha and something one can use when they want and ignore or tear away when they don't need it.... like a.... post-it note? haha

Shopping.... haha cosmetics stock up mann... =))

PJ I LOVE YOU I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO WITHOUT YOU BABE!!!! hahahaha Just went window shopping with PJ =))) and of course Melv Kee =))hahahaa and I swear I'm broke haha spent me money on mascara, liquid eyeliner and some eyebrow shaper/shaver thingy haha wheeees =)) Think it's a razor? Hmmmmm can use it for suicide if need be... hahahahaaa seriosuly it's for beauty purposes ONLY haha.

Ok I was talking to PJ abt this guy's birthday. Let's call him Paul. Paul was having his birthday. He has a girlfriend called Amy. Right so at his birthday Paul got drunk hahaha like who doesn't?! haha... well see here, Amy did not dare to go near him cos well the ego of a boy told her he did not like her to see him puke and that was what his friends told her last time. SO poor Amy could only sit by and watch helplessly as some friends attended to Paul. Later, Paul went for a walk with one of the friends. Amy obviously was worried. Finally an opportunity came where the rest wanted to start drinking and Amy asked another friend to come with her to find Paul. Sure they found Paul and by the time they got back hell the alcohol had kicked in and he was considered dead drunk. Amy went to get warm water which obviously was only sipped by the drunk Haha... Well they did say green tea helps when someone's drunk so Amy went to make some hot green tea =) when she brought it to the group surrounding Paul, another friend mentioned coffee. So Amy went to get the coffee. Whew thank God there are friends who know some medical skills there and two of them went to look after Paul. The rest carried on with the party and most went up to have some fun =)) Ok so now Amy is torn: stay with the bf or go upstairs and hang out with the friends who were calling to her. Many people will expect her to stay with the guy right? Haha... yupp she would but the two friends told her to go that they would take care of Aaron. COme on.. she couldn't argue with the two who have medical knowledge right? I mean they knew their stuff so well they wouldn't trust Amy to help Paul up even to puke right? She was Obviously indicated as NOT NEEDED PLEASE GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET THE REAL PEOPLE WHO KNOW THEY'RE STUFF TAKE CARE OF PAUL. SO yupp she went up. You expected her to enjoy herself eh? Haha... you think?! Obviously her mind was wholly on her bf. Yupp she did have fun but still... Finally the group of them went back downstairs after lets say what 30-45mins? And Paul was now gone on the bench and barfing up dinner haha... nope no more high and the effects ebbed away into worry. Nope Amy was still not to be trusted nah they could get the other liquids to help flush Paul's abdomen of anything that upsets him yupp she should just stay there. SO yupp Amy spent the time she had downstairs helping him to sit up barf lie back down again and again. =)) of course she had another friend with her =)) so no worries. The sequence may be haywired or wrong but thats roughly it. Later Paul was whisked up into a room and locked inside so that no one could go in and scream and shout in their high-ness and wake poor Paul up. Where was Amy? Outside with the others? Could she enter?? Nope cause the door was what? Locked uh huh =))SO they carried on with the party without the birthday boy. This is not really nice as the bday boy would have been up and kicking if he was forced up and not laid down to rest like some sickly old man. But yupp we understand from the two friend's point of view that he was better left like a sleeping log than havocing with the rest in things that may cause bodily harm haha. Well Amy was called out of the room by one of the friends later and she sat talking to this friend, totally alright with ignoring the rest partying away in the other room. She was hahah now locked out of the other room =)) but hey she would rather know the situation paul is in rather than in the other room partying not know what was happeneing in the other room where Paul was. No she wasn't angry with the two friends... she was just annoyed about how Paul was being kepted in there for his PROTECTION even though it was his bday... also she was not really happy about not being allowed to help in tending to Paul.... But that's not important is it? I mean come on these friends had expertise on their side... what did she have? Yup she was the girlfriend but so? She did not and was not even bothering about who shared the bed with Paul mann she just wanted him to be alright but I guess the friends thought she was pissed cos she thought she couldn't sleep in that room with Paul? OMG has she portrayed herself to be THAT SHALLOW? Yupp. Barfing in the middle of the night was normal and yup Amy could do that little thing right now couldn't she. She hardly slept before 5am, covering Paul with the blanket, rolling him over to face the bin etc. Next morning, the two friends were given their due 'thank yous'. One of them made sure of that =)) Amy was obviously thankful to them =)) Nope she did not expect anything and anyway the things that she did were not percieved by the majority, her worry was obviously not viewable so yupp she didn't get any of it.

PJ told me Amy was Wei Da.. then both of us decided that she was.. yupp dumb. PJ was saying Amy should tell Paul what she did and get her due thank you like what the friend did =)) But I doubt Amy will do that. I guess Amy was just happy that she could help Paul in any little way. She was also ok and quite happy that the friendswere happy as their helpfulnes was appreciated by Paul =)) I don't think Amy will tell Paul any of this. Never. But then again, I guess she feels that's her duty and when you love someone, you don't care about anything but him being happy and his clse friend being contented too =) Trust me I can understand that =))

ECONS LECTURE!!!!!

OMG V Laikshmi is like........... I DON'T UNDERSTAND A WORD/SENTENE YOU ARE SAYING WOMAN!!! Ya she got a Phd.... big deal she taught in INDIA!!!! Her accent is like... Uh... WHAT?! and her notes are like... pathetically little like OMG SOMEONE GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!! hahaa Oh QIng, PJ, Melv and I had a beer and pool at Bukit Timah plaza after lunch today. Lunch was at the KouFu food court at Ngee Ann Poly hahaha I had chicken chop with spag hahahahah shiook!!! haha

Mann I MISS MY AJ!!!! hahaa poor guy is sick but in camp... tonight they're going to St John Island for 2 days and will be back on Fri... doubt there'll be reception there =(((( But oh wellsss...

Misses Misses!!!

Love my blog

Oh I love my blog!! And I love friends like Del and PJ. =)) They always make me feel better. Ya true sometimes they give me the women do not need men to survive talk but in the end I feel better and stronger to face stuff. Also, the more we talk the more I sort out my feelings and the more I feel that my fears are really not needed =))

Hmmm have to learn to be more mature....

Today, he went for camp... don't know if I'm being sensitive or if I forgot or something but I thought last time when I said goodbye in an sms he will send something back no matter what. Well, recently he's like a crush I used to have who used to not bother about me: when I send a good bye message he doesn't reply. Well he has the unlimited sms... sending me a reply that is definite that doesn't need a reply would be fine right? Or is there another way to look at it: that he's comfortable with me and feels that when I say bye it means bye? Or is he growing tired of it all? If it were to end it won't be him to end it. But men are clever when they want the girls to end a r/s for them... they make the girl see that they don't care anymore and the girl simply lets go.

I don't know what to think. Sometimes I feel like he really has no more feelings for me then he does things to make me feel that we are still in love. Is it that we are really still in love or that he no longer feels it but he is trying to salvage it? And if so what should I do? SOmetimes I can see him trying but sometimes I see him pulling away...

Is it true that when you have been hurt in a past r/s you tend to not want to give your everything into the subsequent r/s as well? Maybe thats why..... Also... men have their ego and they want to belong somewhere so if their friends do not publicly announce their r/s status and all that does it mean the guy has to follow? PJ said must see the guy's XIN "heart". I told her that in his last camp the guys in his bunk didn't call or text their gfs and all that everynight so he didn't call everynight. But I just realised that he did sms me at least once a day. I don't know thats what I mean by sometimes I feel maybe he doesn't like me anymore and then I think of some stuff he did and it shows that he does.

Anthony told me that guys looking out for chio bus are normal. Hell I know that too. I asked him if the guy is honest and tells his gal he wshes there were chio bus in his camp, is it a good thing and Anthony said yes. His words were that guys like to disturb but in the end he will stay true to you. Thats comforting to know =))

I don't want to be immature: to hanker over the guy and want to be by his side every minute. I don't want to suffocate the guy. From what I know I've not been suffocating him and have been doing an ok job la... but I don't really feel that way. I'm hiding the fact that I miss him and I'm hiding the 19 yr old me so that I can shoot to the 20 something me... growing up faster than I should. But I really don't mind. As long as all that I do will be worth it. I really don't mind.

~Hopefully, as the spirit grows each passing day, so will the love~

Awesome Earrings

Hey people my friend is selling earrings and the like on her blog:

opened a blog shop recently selling awesome ear rings!

http://smileyss.livejournal.com/tag/ear+rings
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immediate 10% discount 4 u~special moments
Source: smileyss.livejournal.com
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Wonder if you try to get to know me better. Are you even trying? When you know that love is a journey of discoverig the two of us. So many portals to see me yet I don't think you know or even care to take a minute, a second of your time to check.

Song

I won't say remember
I won't say forget
All I ask is that, you feel the same way.
I wish with every part of my soul,
Your smile means yes and not a no.
I love you as you are please know.

I wrote it somewhere can't remember the rest of the lyrics now...

~Mel