After doing something wrong, knowing how much I hurt him, asking for his forgiveness, him giving it... this is a crisis. A crisis that I have caused and we have come against? I would really want us to tide through this crisis together, making us stronger than before, as all well-tide-over crisis makes relationships grow stronger.

I understand I have injected a larger fear than he originally had in his mind. But I can say only this, after seeing how much this has hurt him, I am all the more certain that I will never allow such a thing to happen to us ever again.
I can only thank God that it was not something else. I am not saying this is a small issue, for there is no saying the size of such a thing, I am saying I am thankful that it is not a larger issue (stuff that goes on for a long long time that has escalated into a myriad of problems); if not I would not know what I would do with myself and even if he did forgive me, I would not have been able to live with myself, and by that it would mean something very drastic. Even now, I have the urge to hurt myself, because in my mind's eye, I see the wound I had inflicted on him and how I wish that that I could bear the wound on his behalf.

Yes, he says he has forgiven me, and I am greatful for that. But the gash that I made will take time to heal, and I would like to be there tending to the wound that I had caused. I love him. Such pain, I would never wish to inflict on him, whats more do it again. I know it will be hard for him to believe me, but for me, after seeing how much I hurt him, I felt that pain too, and I will never let such a thing happen again. This I know for sure in my own heart. It will take a long time to convince him that this is true, in fact he may never fully believe this promise, but I know in my heart that I can never hurt him like that again. While I can do nothing to force him to accept this promise, I can work on it myself, and hopefully as time goes by, he will see...

A part of me fears that he has already given up on me and might want to seek revenge on me and do to me what I did to him to hurt him. Yes, it is a highly negative thought and one that shouldn't come out. Yet it has been my flaw that I think of everyone as revenge seeking individuals and therefore I am scared of people especially those whom I have hurt. This thought does enter my head and it scares the living daylights out of me.
But everytime I hold on to another thought- he promised me before and I trust him; I will not doubt him, and I know that he loves me. This thought is strong enough to make the bad thoughts go away.

As of now, I think he doesn't have any good thoughts to chase his bad thoughts about me away as of yet. He will fear, he will suspect. I can try my hardest to give him reasons to believe me, I only hope that he can let himself believe me. I know it is too much to ask right now but I really do hope that he can really open up and believe me even if it's for this one last time.

If there was an equipment that could let people see into one's heart I will get it and I will pass it to him so that he can see that I really mean it; that there will be no such replay ever again. But there is no such equipment and I only hope that he can believe me one last final time because this last final time will be enough, I do not need any other chances because I am taking this one chance to ensure I will need no other chances anymore.