It Flies By

Not too long back, I was still crying over a love that was not meant to be. I was crying everynight trying to go to sleep happy was like a fantasy, a dream. And then it ended just like that without a warning; oh wait, there was ample warning before that with the tears and the angry cries. It was just that I was too blind to see it. I made my mistakes, I begged for forgiveness. But I guess the love that I had was too little to provide any forgiveness. It provided only torment and anguish, and did not have a heart big enough to accept the flaws like how I tried to live with it's flaws. Enough said. When have I regretted anything in my life? Other than the time I was forced to say I regretted something or face the wrath and sarcasm of the one who said he loved me. Pointless and meaningless words; enough of that.

What is past is past and now and then, yes it is human to remember but it is Melissa to face it in the face, look it square in the eye and say "FUCK YOU TO HELL" because I will NOT let it control me. Time to live life the way I want to live it.

Time passes so fast. And though my heart is healing and is at the 97% mark, I am open to love. And here I am at the crossroads once again. Except this time round I have learned my lesson and I want to take things slowly. It is pointless rushing into something based on the craziness of falling in love. I survived the first 3-4 days of being head over heels, made some rash decisions, none of which were too drastic I hope, and come out of it clear-headed once more. I know what I want and I know what I have to do and being crazy like how I was is not the way. It is true I do not regret anything of my past, but now I am more mature and I should be able to do things better to minimize error and heartache and that is what I will do. Gone is the stage of heady lovesickness and in comes the maturity that I need for a new love. I am willing to wait, for patience is always rewarded. In the meantime, I will continue, knowing what I have to do and try not to give up, like I am wont to do when I view something as having a high chance of being unsuccessful. Because sometimes, when it is too early, you cannot judge the chances of success, it is just too volatile a time to tell.

Muay Thai does help. It makes you think, makes you plan, yet forces you to plan properly within a short period of time. It is nothing like what people descibe it to be-rash and brutish. It trains you to know yourself so much so that in knowing yourself, you know what you can or cannot do, or more likely, what you must do to make sure that you can accomplish something. There is nothing that is impossible, or cannot be done. It only depends on the steps you take to accomplish what you want to get done.

Slowly Mel, because as time flies past, you can stand there and view it at a comfortable pace and assess what you want with your life.