Made the worse mistake of my life today... and almost followed through it totally.... Today, I almost lost Jerome. What started out as a small issue flared up into a really big one and who am I to blame but myself? Me and my stubborn anger..... I did something I have never done before since the 24.10.2009, I took off our ring. I took it off and gave it to him along with the bracelet he gave me.... and then he walked away; as if he finally took his turn to walk away after the many times that I walked away from him. Yes it hurt. But I guess I felt that it hurt because when he did walk away, it was the time that really mattered. Not like how I walk away when I'm angry or petty. He walked away as an answer to me giving him his ring, like he was agreeable to the breakup. After that, I walked away, like I was supposed to when he smsed me that I was to go to my friends since I didn't seem to be talking to him. I carried on down the road I was taking before I decided to give him up. I called Jo and cried on the phone. I had to stop to lean against the wall because my legs felt weak I and I just wanted to sit on the floor and cry. As I talked to her I realised that I couldn't let him go. That I did not want to let him go, or to give up. I ended the call hurriedly to follow with another call to him and he did come down to meet me. I guess I was disheartened totally. After all wasn't his answer clear when he walked away? Met him after awhile and talked things out. He asked me to stay.... some part of me wanted to not stay because what if he was saying it just to say it? Didn't his walking away count for anything? But in the end, I decided to believe him. It was after all my fault, me mis reading him right? He didn't mean to sound jealous or annoy me right? I really plan to keep my promise: that I won't ever walk away from him again and as long as I do not have his ring on my finger, I will never remove the ring around my neck ever.... I'm feeling really down currently. It feels like a wound that is still sore, that is still throbing with pain. I think it would feel worse for him though and I really hope that he still feels the same for me... but I don't know. Maybe he hardened his heart already after this break up? I know that a lot of my friends have quarrels and break ups in their long relaionship and as long as things are patched up well after each break up, they tend to have a very long and loving relationship there after. I really do hope we will be like such cases as well. I really hope he doesn't see this break as an end but see it as having passed an obstacle on our long road of love. Darling I really love you. I cannot live without you do you understand that? Do you know why I see this as only an obstacle and not an end? Because never in my life have I loved someone enough to call them back after I said that I wanted to leave. You're the first and will be my last. I'll love you as best as I can and with my whole heart. Please just bear with me and understand that I love you and do not want your feelings for me to change. I guess that is my largest fear now...