OMGGGGGGG CAN'T GO TO NIGHT SAFARI...... CURSE YOU RAINY HEAVENS.... ok a bit the melodramatic... haha J and I are totally stuck at home!!!! Urrrrgh.... somebody saaaaaaaaaave me.... hahaha Oh wells... my throat is totally killing me and its only fair that HE comes to see my parents after the harrowing encounter yesterday muahahahahaa =P Dinner is pasta pasta PASTAAAAA hahaha =)) same as yesterday though today, mummy is cooking so it ought to be good whees~ =)

Hmmmm I really really wanna be friends with him.... but he seems to be pushing me away. Somehow, it's weird but I know I'll smile when he gets back together with her because.... after all that we've been through he still couldn't put his love down so she must mean a lot to him. And I don't know maybe it's the ultimate form of love? When there is no more that type of affection, just wanting the person to be happy? Haha... In the mean time, I've found that I am very happy now and somehow, I'm hoping that he'll be happy for me =)) He'll always be more than a friend.... how can you be just friends after spending 9 months together? But then.... he'll never have the space in my heart that he used to occupy. When I give my heart, I give it all and when I take it back, well.. I take it all back. No residuals or pieces stuck with the other party. Right now, J's my world, my everything. And I will not let any parts of the past affect him and us. I am able to sort my thoughts out rather quickly =)) haha a pat on the shoulder for me.... haha some people might think why is it that she's getting into a relationship so quickly after the first one ended? They can doubt me and all but hey, it's my life and I do have my reasons for it. The past relationship started like how wildfires start: a spark on the dry bush which quickly catches onto the rest of the forest... then... it burns out just as quickly. There was no getting to know you and no history for us. But for J... haha those of you who know me know what history I have with him. LOL and you will know my affections for him were founded quite a time back. I guess God answered my prayers, delayed, because No.1, I did ask for an exciting life, No. 2, Maybe he threw in my way all these distractions because he wanted to show me that when all these fog clears up there is the guy standing there and he'll be the right one? HE works in mysterious ways and one will find it hard and downright impossible to fathom his thoughts. But all in all, I'm thankful for what he has done for me so far. And I hope he will continue... no I know he will continue loving me, as I continue to find my path to him. One day, I'll reach him and when that day comes, I'll be smiling like how he'll be smiling down on me.. =))

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG stressssssed.... I don't remember being so stressed about meeting parents.... mann... WHAT HAPPENED TO THE UNSHAKABLE MEL!!!????!!! haha... especially when I WON'T talk to them much and it should be quick and painless but still...... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh hahaha.... ok I'm just high high high haha

Oh oh oh... I went to the Singapore flyer... haha I think on Monday! Yup cos my tuition kid cancelled tuition and so I had nothing to do and I called Him out for lunch haha... SPONTANEOUS! haha that's my trademark. Haha... so yupp guess he just woke up and all and he came down to meet me at clementi MRT. We headed down to Bugis where we had lunch at some.. Jacks Place franchise... haha... we had seafood!! NOT his fav food at all but oh well he survived the ordeal haha!!! So during lunch one part of the conversation consisted of how they killed birds and rabbits for survival training. Haha Nice meal convo eh? Haha... I guess it'll be nice to Hannibal Lecter hahaa but it was real cool! haha And then I found that I totally didn't like my outfit so we went SHOPPING haha looking for clothes that I can buy and wear at that time. We finally went to City Link where I got this jumpsuit thingy from Hypnosis haha... and since I wasn't wearing a nice bra for the halter.... well I had to go braless hahahahahaa mann it felt weird at first but then doesn't really matter he's big enough to block me if there is a need lol... we wandered around sorta aimlessly and finally he asked if I wanted to go to the flyer... ok I haven't been there and I always thought that big contraption was a helluva waste of tax payers money... but hey... I was with HIM and it's a fairytale evening so why not? =)) so we went there, saw a lot of people they hired to scare us and went to get tickets. Students get to fly for $10 bucks I think lol so yay I helped him save moola!!! haha =)) The 30 mins up there was.... short... time passes so fast when you're with someone you really like haha... there after he sent me home =)) 2 years back I wouldnt even dream of this happening and now... whees =))

The dream I've been dreaming of finally came through

I've finally made up my mind. And I really don't think I'll be regreting it =)) I'm in love. Fast you will say, given that I've just officially broken up roughly a week ago. I guess the Beyonce song Irreplacable really echoes my life now. But then again, this love has been lying hot and burning in the first years to being latent recently because of my relationship with someone else. It has never really gone away. It's just that when I'm with someone, he's my everything and I'll be able to shut out any other feelings I have for anyone else.

I only told my new love that I had feelings for him, only dared to do so, after I was already attached so there was really nothing that either of us could do. Yet here he was, for me, when I broke up, when my heart ached the most. There he was, his arms open, comforting me as I cried the last tears I ever plan to shed for my ex. I mean, what can a guy do when a girl cries? Especially when she is crying over another guy? i find that with him there are no boundaries. I do not fear how he might react and seek to cover up my feelings; there is no suspicion and fear that he may be unfaithful; for once, I am able to trust a guy wholeheartedly. And that just feels really nice =))

Lord thank you for not giving me the courage long ago because if you did whatever that is happening now would never have happened. In the end, you did have your plans to see that I will be happy. Thank you for taking all my cries that you have deserted me. You never did and I'll always be grateful for it =))

Yesterday was the first time in a long time where I had a smile on for.... well such a long time =)) Walking through town with that smile on my face, made me feel reborn, renewed. Haha.... Thank you to all my friends yesterday. You guys made me feel so loved and safe haha... Oh watched Phobia2 again yesterday... mann some people just aren't scared -.- LOL... and after the clean up yesterday, there are no more strings attached to the past. Now, I'm just gonna look ahead to a brighter future =))

Secondhand Serenade- Your Call

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat,
Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
'Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes,
What's your fantasy?

'Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4

I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Haha... after being so emo for some time... feeling sad and unloved and neglected... the feelings are over... let's hope the smses and msn messages I sent him won't affect him.... argh

Is it my own doing?

I do not know what else to think. I shouldn't have taken it to heart... it is after all just a gift... but such a gift... that I had given and he given away. But it's just a gift. It was all the worse when he said that he had tried but still he had disappointed me... He said sorry (didn't stay to comfort but did apologise)... but I rather he said sorry and said that he still loved me and that he was sorry for this and it wouldn't happen again. Silence on the other end of the phone was more frightening than a banshee's shriek. The silence can cut like a knife and can plunge into the heart far better than any dagger can. Silence and saying that there is nothing left to say... what does it mean? That one does not care, nor take this matter to heart for the person to find anything to say? Or what? Maybe I was too impatient and too fast to acknowledge change. Unsure? I am not unsure of us... I am more unsure of how I ca go about supporting him. If he sets his mind to change for the better (like he promised) I will be there. If he doesn't, I shall accept. I guess all I need from him now is his assurance of his love. But maybe I have assured people of my love for them so many times they find no need to assure me of them feeling love for me? Do I appear so strong on the outside?

I really should learn to keep my mouth shut...not rock the boat... I wish it wasn't a dream. I'm scared it is. Right now I want the dream back. That's all...

It all sems like a dream.... you know, those dreams that sometimes are the sweetest you can have then it turns around and becomes a mini nightmare and then everything plays out like a normal dream once again? Yupp... thats what it feels like. There are residuals of the dream in my day to day life now.... and not all of them unpleasant. But one tends to think if these residuals from the dream turn into reality once we are awake or are they merely fragments of the dreams you had and will soon fade away? For some, I don't want them to fade away. For others... I don't mind having them stay? haha but then again, isn't life just one big dream? =))

Hmmm it's been quite some time since I last posted stuff up here... haven't felt well enough to get into the mood to post stuff anywhere... including facebook haha... Yep recently I went for PJ, Elaine and Ger Ng's birthday with the OG19 gang. Hhahahaa well its great to know I was sober for the night eh hahaha,.... not that my alcohol threshhold is THAT bad haha.... Things have been kinda rocky lately.... them insucurities came back topped off with the mood I get into now adays..... I do hope it will pass... to say I put up walls is.... hmmmm may not be so true now... more of like....my new mantra is to- Not expect and you won't get disappointed. Don't have negative thoughts so that there is no reason to blame stuff on yourself for self- prophecies haha.... I think if everyone took this attitude, we would have a l,ot less disappointment in our lives don't you think? It ranges from or grades to our friends and even to our families. Right now I have the idea to live one day at a time. Planning..... I used to plan lotsa things and in the end I don't carry them out and I feel horrid. Whats more, you never know when you're gonna die. What the point of worrying and planning and not being able to enjoy the here and now when the next second you might be... well... dead? Morbid I know but stuff happens and it gets me thinking.... I don't know if I'm afraid of death or if I'm afrad that I won't be able to tell the people I love that I really do love them before I depart. So I guess I'll have to show it more right? hahaa....

Telling me things that I want to hear

And then the wind blows.
The flowers stop their swaying
Just to listen to that-
The gentle call of the wind
That comes sweeping like a scythe
Through the fields.

The wind blows across the sea
And the waves stop their crashing
Just to pick up the whispers
Of the howling wind smashing off
Any found surface, with a
Giant, rough force.

The wind blows into my house
Through the closed windows
Just to let me hear what
I want to hear. And like so,
It's always telling me
Things I want to hear.

Es ist nichts

Es ist nichts Es ist nichts Es ist nichts Es ist nichts
ich bin ganz richtig ich bin ganz richtig ich bin ganz richtig =))

Was watching some animal documentary recently and I found out that this particular lizrd, it's name eludes me now, actually stays faithful to its mate for 20 years there abouts. Amazing huh? haha nature has it's sweet side too =))

Then there is the mother anaconda. She is an amazing creature. When she is heavily pregnant, instead of laying her eggs in the open she carries them inside her an when she warms herself, she uses this warmth from the sun to help incubate her eggs. When the time is rights, she gives birth to live young =)) and then ... she just.... goes away. I mean, her duty is finished right? As long as she gave her all when it mattered it really doesn't matter whether she stays on after her babies are out. haha

Wir werden sehen is all I can say.... maybe the syntax is wrong but yep the meaning sure is there haha. I find that people re hard to please. When they do not have something, they pin for it. When they do, they suspect it and prepare themselves for losing it. When they lose it, they sob and cry but comfort themselves by saying they saw it happen. When they do not lose it they fear that they will. Why can't we as simple as the animals which are either yes or no. Stay or go. Hmmm I wonder... O.o

Few more days

2 weeks more actually. Mann Oct this year will be one hell of an eventful month for me. And let's hope that I don't get a triple whammy with it I guess haha... oh wells... what can I say if it comes it comes and when it does you gotta fight and make yourself happy again I guess. If it doesn't come then good for you la hahaha

Argh

Kinda like WTF, ATF, the like OMFG and NNBCB and CCB and KNNBCCB hahahahhahahahhahahas