Today I had my 9th monthsary with Darling. After this last crisis, it really does feel good to be back with him again. I really do still love him and I can see that he is willing to open up to me more now. Today, I feel that we made a great discovery together. I feel that we have bridged a gap between us and that we have finally found at least one solution to solve our differences when we quarrel. Thank you self-help books for you have tuned my mind to want to help my relationship and not ruin it anymore!!!
Darling really opened up to me today and I guess it is thanks to him being able to open up that we can move on because a single hand can make no noise. Things are starting to look up. I won't say we are not quarrelling but where it used to be destructive in the past, I now feel that we are having an increasinly constructive relationship. A relationship is precious and we should work ahrd at it. No one said it would be easy. But I know that it will be worth the effort.
Sunday, 25 July 2010
My take on: Settling arguements in a relationship
We all know the story of Humpty Dumpty. This man was shaped like an egg, with an oval body and head who sat on a wall and had a great fall and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put him together again. Now that's a very fast story spanning, what, 4 lines in a rhyming poem. But is life ever so simple? Let us put ourselves in HD's (Humpty Dumpty is too long winded now don't you think?) shoes for awhile. Now how on earth did he get on the wall? Why did he get on the wall? What caused him to fall? How did he feel after the fall?
Why am I talking about a poem we read when we were six? Because through this poem, we can actually learn a or many valuable lessons from ourselves. I have come to the conclusion that for us to be able to progress and learn, we must firstly, admit our mistakes, and secondly, give better alternatives so that these mistakes would not have been or will not be made again.
We all make mistakes. When there is an arguement, there is no one side that is fully at fault because, well as the old saying goes, it takes two hands to clap. The one thing that many people do is that they put the blame on the other and choose to not let go until the other person apologises. Imagine if both people do the same thing. When will the arguement ever end? How often do you see people, whilst in the arguement, suddenly sit back and look inside themselves and say "Hey, wait a minute, I was wrong too. Now what did I do wrong and what could I have done to make it better?" If the world took a step back and asked themselves this everytime an arguement forms, the world would definitely be a peaceful place. However, it is easier said than done. Here are a few steps that we can take...
Step 1:
Take the blame.
We all know that we are to blame in one way or another and so the first and the hardest step is to tell ourselves that we are at fault. No do not try to defend yourself with a "but the other person did this and that too...." but try to take all of the blame.
This may be a little different from what some self-help books tell you but then they have their say and I have mine. When I say take the blame, I am not asking you to start feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders and sink into the dark abyss of emo-ness, never to rise again. I am telling you to open yourself up to the fact that at every point that caused the arguement, you did make a wrong move that propelled the arguement.
Step 2:
What should have been done?
Now that we have opened the doors of our defense that will probably protect our ego but destroy the relationship, we will move on to the next step, finding out what could have been done, what was the right move we could have taken.
At this point, we are likely to start by saying "I should have done this..... but even if I did, the other person would have done that. The other person did this to me, should I have put up with that as well??? ..."
REMEMBER, it is not about the other person here, it is about YOU. You can't change the other person, the only being in the world you can truely change is YOURSELF.
This is no push-the-blame session, this is the break-down-all-facades-and-defenses-to-solve-the-situation-your-ego-would-not-let-you-solve session.
So ask yourself what could I have done?
Step 3:
Say sorry and tell the other person your thought process.
It would generally help if the other person was doing the same thing but even if they were not, they would probably still be open to an apology. By telling the person, you are showing the other person that you know what you did wrong. You are the one growing here. You are the one being open about it. The other person may continue to go against you but you now have the knowledge that you have taken the necessary steps to make yourself a better person and hopefully, when there is such a confrontation again you will know what to do.
If you are with a partner, both of you should do this process together. From it you will learn more about yourself as well as each other and the scenario that had just passed will be unlikely to happen in such a big way again. Of course this is not a miracle drug and it takes time as well as practice to master. But when you do master it, you will find greater understanding and love in one another.
Why am I talking about a poem we read when we were six? Because through this poem, we can actually learn a or many valuable lessons from ourselves. I have come to the conclusion that for us to be able to progress and learn, we must firstly, admit our mistakes, and secondly, give better alternatives so that these mistakes would not have been or will not be made again.
We all make mistakes. When there is an arguement, there is no one side that is fully at fault because, well as the old saying goes, it takes two hands to clap. The one thing that many people do is that they put the blame on the other and choose to not let go until the other person apologises. Imagine if both people do the same thing. When will the arguement ever end? How often do you see people, whilst in the arguement, suddenly sit back and look inside themselves and say "Hey, wait a minute, I was wrong too. Now what did I do wrong and what could I have done to make it better?" If the world took a step back and asked themselves this everytime an arguement forms, the world would definitely be a peaceful place. However, it is easier said than done. Here are a few steps that we can take...
Step 1:
Take the blame.
We all know that we are to blame in one way or another and so the first and the hardest step is to tell ourselves that we are at fault. No do not try to defend yourself with a "but the other person did this and that too...." but try to take all of the blame.
This may be a little different from what some self-help books tell you but then they have their say and I have mine. When I say take the blame, I am not asking you to start feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders and sink into the dark abyss of emo-ness, never to rise again. I am telling you to open yourself up to the fact that at every point that caused the arguement, you did make a wrong move that propelled the arguement.
Step 2:
What should have been done?
Now that we have opened the doors of our defense that will probably protect our ego but destroy the relationship, we will move on to the next step, finding out what could have been done, what was the right move we could have taken.
At this point, we are likely to start by saying "I should have done this..... but even if I did, the other person would have done that. The other person did this to me, should I have put up with that as well??? ..."
REMEMBER, it is not about the other person here, it is about YOU. You can't change the other person, the only being in the world you can truely change is YOURSELF.
This is no push-the-blame session, this is the break-down-all-facades-and-defenses-to-solve-the-situation-your-ego-would-not-let-you-solve session.
So ask yourself what could I have done?
Step 3:
Say sorry and tell the other person your thought process.
It would generally help if the other person was doing the same thing but even if they were not, they would probably still be open to an apology. By telling the person, you are showing the other person that you know what you did wrong. You are the one growing here. You are the one being open about it. The other person may continue to go against you but you now have the knowledge that you have taken the necessary steps to make yourself a better person and hopefully, when there is such a confrontation again you will know what to do.
If you are with a partner, both of you should do this process together. From it you will learn more about yourself as well as each other and the scenario that had just passed will be unlikely to happen in such a big way again. Of course this is not a miracle drug and it takes time as well as practice to master. But when you do master it, you will find greater understanding and love in one another.
Friday, 16 July 2010
I still
Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)
I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know
That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
No no
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go (without you)
Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you
But now there is..... =))
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)
I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know
That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
No no
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go (without you)
Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you
But now there is..... =))
Running Back
Running from what was seemingly
A dark and morbid alley the
Young girl runs for safety into
What she thought she knew.
WHen she was out in the open,
Then fresh air, the cobbled-
Paths and the lights on the
Streets shone on her upturned
Face, wreathed in smile.
Then she remembered the dark
Alley and in that dark alley
There was a light coming from a flame
No, a roaring fire full of love
And passion and from that light
That the fire gave, she saw.
Her angel, the one she was running
From. The one whom she shunned thinking
It was out to harm her. Whom she thought
Was her enemy. With his arms stretched out
To her, beckoned her back into the warm room.
And it dawned on her that the cobble-stoned paths
Was actually cold and stiff and uninviting.
The angel beckoned her back with open arms
And willingly once more, she drifted back into
The warm embrace that was what she had wanted all along.
A dark and morbid alley the
Young girl runs for safety into
What she thought she knew.
WHen she was out in the open,
Then fresh air, the cobbled-
Paths and the lights on the
Streets shone on her upturned
Face, wreathed in smile.
Then she remembered the dark
Alley and in that dark alley
There was a light coming from a flame
No, a roaring fire full of love
And passion and from that light
That the fire gave, she saw.
Her angel, the one she was running
From. The one whom she shunned thinking
It was out to harm her. Whom she thought
Was her enemy. With his arms stretched out
To her, beckoned her back into the warm room.
And it dawned on her that the cobble-stoned paths
Was actually cold and stiff and uninviting.
The angel beckoned her back with open arms
And willingly once more, she drifted back into
The warm embrace that was what she had wanted all along.
Thursday, 15 July 2010
Training Log 1 : The Basics
Today for Training, coach taught us push kicks, punches and blocks. We did the push kicks off the pillars first before doing them in the air. It was much harderin the air as there was nothing to push off so our balance had to be there. Also, when kicking, our body was supposed to angel backwards to give extra power and distance to the kick. After which we had to bring our foot back so as not to lunge head first into the opponent's fist should we miss the target.
We did punches as well. We were to bounce and then when the right moment comes, apply a push on the front foot which will lock the waist and throw a punch forward with the jerk of the waist. Had the seniors and coach moving around helping. Coach and the seniors also threw return punches and kicks to show us where to guard and to remind us to block always.
The blocks that we learnt was also very interesting. We had to stand on tip toe on the support leg while bringing up the other knee with our elbow meeting the inside or the outside of the thigh, pointing the lifted leg's foot. Coach made us to them through squats too.
I've also learned the right way of holding my arms in the blocking position. Previously, I held my arms too high and this might give the opponent leeway to hit my rigs. Now my fists are just at my cheekbone, both rows of knuckles parallel to each other as if i wanted to clap my hands but with my fists. We have to block the three points on our chin to prevent a knock out and also tuck in our chin.
While punching or kicking, we have to exhale. This is like canoeing when we have to exhale when we push the paddel or pump iron at the gym. We also learned foot work. It is rather similar to the fencing foot work except now the stance is with the left foot in front and the two feet can be facing forward but my be placed diagonal to each other so as to balance ourselves better.
We did punches as well. We were to bounce and then when the right moment comes, apply a push on the front foot which will lock the waist and throw a punch forward with the jerk of the waist. Had the seniors and coach moving around helping. Coach and the seniors also threw return punches and kicks to show us where to guard and to remind us to block always.
The blocks that we learnt was also very interesting. We had to stand on tip toe on the support leg while bringing up the other knee with our elbow meeting the inside or the outside of the thigh, pointing the lifted leg's foot. Coach made us to them through squats too.
I've also learned the right way of holding my arms in the blocking position. Previously, I held my arms too high and this might give the opponent leeway to hit my rigs. Now my fists are just at my cheekbone, both rows of knuckles parallel to each other as if i wanted to clap my hands but with my fists. We have to block the three points on our chin to prevent a knock out and also tuck in our chin.
While punching or kicking, we have to exhale. This is like canoeing when we have to exhale when we push the paddel or pump iron at the gym. We also learned foot work. It is rather similar to the fencing foot work except now the stance is with the left foot in front and the two feet can be facing forward but my be placed diagonal to each other so as to balance ourselves better.
I've sent an email. He probably won't read it and even if he did I think his reply would not be a nice one. Soooooo Imma not gonna wait for the reply. I guess I was bottling everything but now I told him. Respected his thinking and sent it to him privately. Yes I do feel horrid after his last contact with me. I guess i just have to tell him how I feeel to be fair for what he told me I guess? Haha... Ah wells. IT'S DONE.
Just came back from Muay Thai training and yes I had double cheese burger meal LOL hahahaha shall do more squats later =))
Just came back from Muay Thai training and yes I had double cheese burger meal LOL hahahaha shall do more squats later =))
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
He's gotten me out of his life... eradicated traces of me online haha... ah wells... since this is what he wants, as a friend I can only do him the favour of staying away from him.... Yes I was holding on to that strand of hope. He said I was moving on well, why do I feel like I wanna make myself sad on purpose so he can see how sad I am and will want me back? Face the music Mel, even if you were a mess, he would not have wanted you back. That's him. NOW is my turn! I will not let him impede on my recovery any longer. I used to feel guilty that i was recovering so fast but now, I guess with him truely out of my life I can once more truely recover what I had lost. Good Bye Romeo. Hello Mel you're back!!!
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