Muay Thai III

Today we had new juniors joining us so after the first segment coach asked the four of us to train under trainer Louis. Hmmm it was different from what I was used to I guess? I learnt that my elbows, especially my right one, and they have to be slanted diagonally so it slices down across the opponent's face. Also learnt from Louis and Wilson that my knees were lagging in a sense that when I knee my hips need to push forward and my supporting leg has to snap for the knee to have power. =))
Coach had taught us before hand the step and punch. =)) think I shall practice more. Can't wait for running on Tuesdays =))

No Surprise

This song is just so apt. Thank you lord for letting me have such wonderful friends and family. It is worth it losing a horrible slave driver to find my treasures that were always there.


NO SURPRISE


I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why...

It's NO SURPRISE I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's NO SURPRISE I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God know we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no, as NO SURPRISE

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why

It's NO SURPRISE I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

The kiss goodnight, it comes with me
Both wrong and right, our memories
The whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can't keep
Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

It is not easy to atone for one's sins. One need not have set a palace on fire, or murdered an entire family. The extent of the sin lies in the mind of the one who has been sinned against. There is no small sin for every sin is a sin and like it is impossible to say who loves more, it is impossible to say which sin is more serious. All of us sin, but it takes someone who is brave to accept that one has done something wrong and seek forgiveness. It is also the brave who accpets and forgives. To forgive is not an easy thing to do, but with time and effort from both parties, both can be brave and when the one who seeks forgiveness is forgiven and the one who forgives accepts the apology, then everything will fall into place again.

Many people refuse to let go, prefering to douse themselves in the thoughts that they deserve to stay angry and not forgive, to punish the person who asks for forgiveness by not forgiving. But do they know that by doing that, the person they are hurting is themselves. They cannot let go and the thought of what has happened is in fact like a thorn in their flesh, purposefully being kept lodged there.

Darling, I want to dislodge the thorn in your flesh. I know it is difficult to do. But I want us both to heal. Help me dislodge this thorn in your flesh so that the skin can recover. There may be a scar but from the scar both of us can carry on and learn. I am really trying my hardest to be worthy of your forgiveness but no matter what I do, the power lies with you. Whether you and I can be happy again depends on you. Whether you let me help you tend to your wound or not.... Because I love you...

Hmmm just had my nightly talk with darling... he must be very tired... I shall not think wrongly!!! =)) I trust darling loves me... I just have to tell myself that whenever I have negative thoughts....

I really love darling, but I am just too sensitive... I really want to look towards the future with darling... I know it's just passed but I want to let go of this incident fast so that I can build a better future with darling... I hope he thinks the same way. By living in the past, one can never embrace the better future no matter how great the future has the potential to be. I really hope we can tide ourselves through this crisis. It will be difficult but I hope we can accept or even brush aside the unhappy issue and allow ourselves to walk towards our brighter future. Can he hold my hand and let us walk together? =))

After doing something wrong, knowing how much I hurt him, asking for his forgiveness, him giving it... this is a crisis. A crisis that I have caused and we have come against? I would really want us to tide through this crisis together, making us stronger than before, as all well-tide-over crisis makes relationships grow stronger.

I understand I have injected a larger fear than he originally had in his mind. But I can say only this, after seeing how much this has hurt him, I am all the more certain that I will never allow such a thing to happen to us ever again.
I can only thank God that it was not something else. I am not saying this is a small issue, for there is no saying the size of such a thing, I am saying I am thankful that it is not a larger issue (stuff that goes on for a long long time that has escalated into a myriad of problems); if not I would not know what I would do with myself and even if he did forgive me, I would not have been able to live with myself, and by that it would mean something very drastic. Even now, I have the urge to hurt myself, because in my mind's eye, I see the wound I had inflicted on him and how I wish that that I could bear the wound on his behalf.

Yes, he says he has forgiven me, and I am greatful for that. But the gash that I made will take time to heal, and I would like to be there tending to the wound that I had caused. I love him. Such pain, I would never wish to inflict on him, whats more do it again. I know it will be hard for him to believe me, but for me, after seeing how much I hurt him, I felt that pain too, and I will never let such a thing happen again. This I know for sure in my own heart. It will take a long time to convince him that this is true, in fact he may never fully believe this promise, but I know in my heart that I can never hurt him like that again. While I can do nothing to force him to accept this promise, I can work on it myself, and hopefully as time goes by, he will see...

A part of me fears that he has already given up on me and might want to seek revenge on me and do to me what I did to him to hurt him. Yes, it is a highly negative thought and one that shouldn't come out. Yet it has been my flaw that I think of everyone as revenge seeking individuals and therefore I am scared of people especially those whom I have hurt. This thought does enter my head and it scares the living daylights out of me.
But everytime I hold on to another thought- he promised me before and I trust him; I will not doubt him, and I know that he loves me. This thought is strong enough to make the bad thoughts go away.

As of now, I think he doesn't have any good thoughts to chase his bad thoughts about me away as of yet. He will fear, he will suspect. I can try my hardest to give him reasons to believe me, I only hope that he can let himself believe me. I know it is too much to ask right now but I really do hope that he can really open up and believe me even if it's for this one last time.

If there was an equipment that could let people see into one's heart I will get it and I will pass it to him so that he can see that I really mean it; that there will be no such replay ever again. But there is no such equipment and I only hope that he can believe me one last final time because this last final time will be enough, I do not need any other chances because I am taking this one chance to ensure I will need no other chances anymore.

Dinner: The Dragon Boater and the Muay Thai Girl

Had dinner at Bukit Timah market with darling after training =)) Fu Zhou fishball ramen for me and Chicken cutlet for him =)) waited for darling at NP but poor darling was delayed because the buses on his side were all packed. He was still wet from training... I'm so touched he rushed out to see me =)) Tonight was a blast! We didn't get angry with each other and I even showed him some Muay Thai stuff I learned haha... I like being so carefree with darling! Fighting is not a solution to anything!!! I want to be more tolerant and less temperamental with darling because I really want to see him happy =)) I really really do love darling very very much =))

It's not a matter of "do unto others what you want others to do unto you". It's more of "love others the way you want others to love you". "Love" is a stronger word than "do" and it is a definite positive emotion. When we love someone, we are willing to fork out our everything, at whatever cost, for the other person to be happy. Only when we give a 100% can we even expect a 100% back from the other party. If we do not give, we have no right to recieve. Sometimes though, when we give a 100%, the other party may not give you back a 100%. But in life, 1+1 may not be equals to 2. A + may not give a + back, it may give you a - and a few other negative signs before a positive sign comes along but we must understand that at the end of the day, life will balance everything out for us. We must believe in life and love. =))