I understand that he's busy now.... I'll miss him and all... I just hope he won't forget me when things really kick off. Maybe I'm thinking too much, after hearing various horror stories from my girlfriends about how their men get tired of them after awhile and start to lose temper and not want to spend time with them. Maybe it's the sudden influx of activities? I don't know... I'm scared that he is growing distant from me. I love him so so much and I really don't want to lose him... I don't know what CCA he's going to get into... actually the reasons I joined muay thai as a cca is : 1) It keeps me fit 2) It's competitive even if it's not in the ring 3) It's in school so I don't have to travel far and waste time 4) There are only max two trainings a week so I can spend more time with him... School may not have classes daily plus my cca doesn't take up too much time. What will happen if he has school daily and cca three times a wek along with tuition? I'm so scared to lose him... thoughts that fly through my head are what if he thinks having a girl from his school would be better that they can meet more often? I don't know, I fear having the feeling that now his life is kickstarting, I'll be shoved into a corner... Maybe I'm too sensitive to think it's starting to be like that... I don't know... I don't want to feel that way either.... =(

Unwanted Guest

In the living room,
Cold, hard and disheartening silence
Linghers in the air like some putrid,
Sordid stench from the dying and the slain
On the battlefields.

In the dinning hall,
Sounds of battle emerge from the
Colliding cutlery amidst the echoing
Nothingness, the absence of voice and laughter
Amongst the ingestions.

One sole soul stands,
Alone and yet not along in this
Abyss, this hell, if life and conversation
Was heaven. And yet not alone as it stands with
Cold statues of stone.

Feedback

I have a confession to make. I am childish and I like to be pampered. I can be easy going mostly but every now and then, I like to be treated like the princess that I wish I could be. And nobody can do it better than my boyfriend. My parents can't make me feel like a princess because they feel that they are too high and mighty to give in much to me. My friends can't treat me like a princess because well we're peers and if I'm a princess so are they. No royal treatments here haha... the only person that can make me feel like a princess is my boyfriend.

I'm not saying he has to hold my train wherever I go or lie over puddles of water so I can walk over him to prevent my heels from getting dirty.
I am talking of the little things like giving in to me when I'm having a tantrum (he can always chide me about it afterwards); saying sorry in an arguement like he means it even though he's not all to blame; telling me I am beautiful even though I'm saying for the hundredth time that I am fat/ ugly etc etc.

I've come to be less angry and know how to curb my anger well, but sometimes the inner princess in me wants some attention and she feels very very sad when she doesn't get it... Showing love to people is easy provided they see that you love them and in return do what you need to feel loved =)) we should open our eyes more to how others are loving us. yes it's true there are ways we want people to love us and if they don't do it the way we want, of course we have to tell them!! They can't read minds.

I know my darling loves me because of the little things he does:
1) Pull out chairs for me to sit in
2) Wakes me up in the mornings if he happens to wake up before me
3) Gets jealous when other guys gets too near me
4) Wants to kiss me still even though it's been 9 months =))
5) Drives me/ sends me home from wherever we are
6) Talks to me at night even though he's tired
7) Smses me even though his phone bill is exploding
8) Tells me that he loves me
etc etc

I really wonder what he will say if he had to write the above list? =))
I believe in feedback and not complaints. Complaints is the negative form of a feedback and the only person powerful enough to make anything sound positive or negative is yourself. If someone tells me something they don't like about me, yes I'll be upset but then I will change that into feedback and learn from it. Change is the only constant in us and as long as I'm alive, I will change, hopefully for the better. The people who don't change and think that everyone is just complaining about them and that they don't have to change are going to make themselves miserable in the long run. I have stopped believing in the "if they love me they'll know what I want" mentality because NOBODY will know if you don't tell anyone. So, if there's something I would like from you I will tell you. Let's hope that people don't take it the wrong way. =)) AND I'll only tell people/ give people feedback if I love them and care to grow with them so if I DO give yopu any feedback please look into it =))

Sensitivity in a relationship

Is it right to be sensitive? I would think so. However, is it right to be too sensitive? Then again, who knows when one is being too sensitive? We all hear of what people would call "woman's intuition". Does that mean that men do not have this intuition as well? And also, are women's intuition always correct and far more superior to men's?

Many people will believe the following:

Sensitivity can aid a relationship. It can also cause the relationship to fall apart. The key is the amount of sensitivity. Of course the two extremes of too little and too much will cause the negative effect on the relationship. Thus, a balance is needed.


I am not saying it is totally wrong, of course everything in moderation is good. However, I think it will be a wiser thing to focus on something else: TRUST.

Human beings are selfish creatures by nature with compassionate hearts (a paradox, I know). Sensitivity is a way of protecting ourselves. The sensitivity in a relationship can be seen in another form in a hunter's reflexes when he is hunting or when a member of a SWAT team is going in through the back door of a wanted criminal's house. Thus I would like to argue that sensitivity IS good for us.

However, we must also remember that in a relationship, one of the most important factors is TRUST. If the basic trust is not there, how can you share the bed with your other half, how can you eat the food your other half prepares, how can you believe a single word the other person says to you?
It is foolish to say that we can only choose to take one (sensitivity or trust)at any one time.
1) Sensitive + No Trust = Suspicion
2) Not Sensitive + Trust = Nonchalance
3) Sensitive + Trust = Blind acceptance
4) Sensitive + Trust + Open Communication = Ideal Relationship
However, many people are stuck at (1) and (2). (3) is rare because we have been programmed by society not to believe in people too easily. (4) is difficult too because of the same reason as number (3). Thus the main issue here is not sensitivity, it's trust.

Trust is the main ingredient for a successful relationship. MUTUAL TRUST is the ingredient for a successful AND happy relationship. When there is trust, we will be able to curb our volatile and instinctive actions of interrogation when we are sensitive. Interrogation is NOT open communication. In fact it closes doors to communication because the interrogator already has preconcieved notions and will not put them down easily and the person being interrogated feels threatened and may not give the truth willingly.

When one is sensitive, if we trust, we will want to know what is wrong. When we do not trust we TELL ourselves something is wrong. We will not want to KNOW what is wrong we want to CONFIRM that something is wrong. When this mindset sets in, nothing the other party says can fully change our perception of the issue. A man would want a wife to ask him if there is something wrong, not accuse him of being an adulterer.

TBC...

Little faith

A little girl sat crying
In front of the cold, hard
Fireplace, empty of it's
Once dancing, glowing embers.

Her glance glided across the
Empty. stone cold room
Where her mother once sat
Sewing with her back to a corner.

"I will be going to the
Market," she'd said, nodding
To the the pile of cloth,
Products of her nighttime labour.

But the market seemed
To have swallowed the mother,
Leaving the little girl
Alone for the first time.

"Little Faith, Little Faith,
Have a little faith, Little Faith,"
A voice in her head seemed to say
Through her tears and quiet sobs.

Little Faith with little faith
Opened the wooden door to
Her little house and stood
Facing the waning sunlight.

With her little faith falling,
Little Faith looked up and
Saw a shadow, legs, her mother's
Dress and her mother's face,
Smiling at Little Faith.

Hmmmm why is it our minds run wild when we're alone? Are camps really so scary? Will people really change from them? I have a friend who's mindset has changed after camp and while I know he probably won't... why do I suddenly feel overly sensitive to things he say and how he says them... am I thinking too much?

Darling's in camp... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz -.- .... miss him like crazy even though it's only the 2nd day. He was nice enough to sms me and all yesterday, telling me that the closest he got to a girl was when they were tied and passed balls plus they weren;t even holding hands haha... the mass dance got me worried but like what Vic said, this isn't pride and prejudice hahha so what's a mass dance but a medley of stiff cheorographed movements? =))

He called last night after mass dance. We put down the phone kinda quickly and all.. guess he must have been tired but he remembered to sms me =)) Am quite happy about that. Woke him up this morning at 7am and the day began....

I carried on watching Temptation of Wife till about 2pm after which I went to do some grocery shopping >.O hhahahaha wheeeeeeeees can't wait!!!!

Shall see him tomorrow I hope after he breaks camp to bring laundry home =)) wheeeeeeees